Easy. Midterms were easy. Or at least, the one that I thought was going to be a easy turned out to be a nightmare. And the one that I thought was going to be difficult was actually quite manageable. I can finally take a breather.
Went uptown with friends just to relieve us from the stress os midterms.
ILL CONTINUE WRITING TOM
There's this one dude who sent me this IG reel and it was about whether or not I was worth pursuing because I was that dry. I can't reply. I'm too busy studying.
See from how comically dramatic I have been this past week, you'd think that I'd be studying first thing after exams right... Well, no. I got tickets with Wacky for the musical we've been anticipating. Well, he has already watched it but it's just that good! We had some trouble securing the tickets... As the most indecisive twins, we simply were unable to decide which seats to get. It was fun though. Really really awesome experience. Wacky is an actual cool person.
So, you might wonder, how did you do on your tests? It actually went better than I thought. I didn't study for Statistics and it was so easy I'm expecting a perfect grade. Actually, not so perfect... but atleast close to it. Science was so easy. Everything I studied for was in the paper.
New study technique: Stand up when I feel sleepy. Another teacher added like 40 book pages more for the test. Very unepic. Manageable.
Tomorrow looms ahead of me, heavy with the weight of impending midterms. 2 of my teachers, randomly decidided to add 8 pages, and another set of 16 pages worth of new condensed material for us to study. That's more that what we've learned for the whole term. All in the span of less than a few hours before midterms. I cannot possibly learn all this new information. The first teacher hosted this Zoom meeting so he could do like a quick crash course. I fell asleep since he was practically whispering it. I went out to the same cafe I did yesterday with Sine and another friend and we stayed for another 10 hours or so. It was a very stressful time. Midway through studying, I accepted that all I could do was try my best because I physically could not memorize everything. I did everything I could. My dad picked me up and on the car ride way back, tears started falling down. I sobbed and my dad comforted me. He told me he was proud. He told me he knew how hard I was studying and if I was struggling, my classmates would be too... therefore a curve will occur.
As I continued crying, I received a message. Brie told me thank you and that she loves me. She said she felt more studious because of me. She started studying like how I do it. She told me it was effective. That made me cry so hard. I was giving up but I didn't notice how I've been helping in motivating those who surround me. I haven't eaten in to long because I've been too busy. I don't eat much in default but it gets so exponentially worse during midterms and finals season. I got this.
Plethora of tests. I did well. I am proud of myself. When the clock struck noon, I made my way to my group's usual spot and I fell asleep on the staircase. I apparently looked like a dead body. I got messages from my friends asking if it were me. I am tired.
I cannot afford rest. After class, I went to a cafe with Sine to study (for 10 hours) and the day just seemed to stretch on endlessly. I need to study for I am the only one to be held on accountable for the results of my upcoming midterm tests.
They released the new real retractable lightsaber. I got the news from Tony. I didn't sleep as well as I had hoped. I am experiencing horrible fatigue. Today was a long and arduous day. I had to undergo a series of tests, all of which I performed well in. Yet, despite my success, I cannot help but feel as though something is amiss. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep that is affecting me. Or maybe it is the nagging feeling that I am not living up to my full potential.
Tony came to notify that he had tried my very epic biscoff drink recommendation. He said it was really good and approves of it. I have once again accomplished my duty. I fell asleep because I couldn't study anymore.
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Every few time increments in my study sessions, I sleep. Whenever I wake up, I feel the most painful, gut wrenching pain ever. It's a struggle because I need to sleep in between or else I wouldn't retain any information. I need a way to fix this.
It's my grandma's 87th birthday today and I want to miss it because I need to study. I've always been detached from my family. I searched up my emotionally distressing symptom on Google (my bestfriend) on why I feel so indifferent towards my family then I came across this metaphor about a piggy bank. I admit, it's a very lame thing to analogize however, it makes perfect sense. Basically, love for your family is like a piggy bank. Each time they give you love, you get a coin. Each time they berate you, you lose a coin. SO if you're looking at your piggy bank empty, that's ebcause they took more tahn they deposited. So their absence made me indifferent.
I ended up going to the party. I isolated myself in a room and studied. Atleast I showed up.
My parents actually raised me quite well. I have this very vivid memory of my elementary teacher I once had asking our class if we came from rich families (it's messed up, I know), andI didn't really know what t o answer. I went home that day and asked my mom if we were rich. She responded with "We're rich with love". I think that moment kept me a humble person. I go to a private school and have all the luxury. The fact that my mom didn't tell our financial state back when I was a child makes me feel good. I got to have a proper childhood in a way.
A big chunck of my childhood was Growtopia. I remember waking up everyday jsut to play it. I have memories that makes it seem like I actually lived there. That's pretty awesome. I don't regret it. I think about this now because my oldest childhood friend (online but still oldest), liked a photo I posted on my stories (I never post on my main). I got a girl who I realy admired because she's so pretty calling me pretty too. That was a cute interaction.
My original plan was to study immediately when I get home. I ended up textng guys I had 0 interest in. I'm not leading anyone on, I made it clear I don't like them.
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I met out with Sirko to study. We originally wanted to stay in Starbucks but it was so full that we had to move over to Krispy Kreme. I did a quick skim through my other subjects then focused more on Statistics. Sirko needed my helps so we did a bunch of practices. She pulled out one of her test papers and I told her it had an error. As two very annoying people who torments their teacher every chance we could get, we messaged them and ended up getting her deserved score. Oh she brought a disposable camera with her. We took pictures. Her sister was there and her boy bestfriend. We kind of thirdwheel-ed it. No detailed story can explain how comfortable I feel around Sirko.
I Dare You - The Regrettes. I posted like the best photos I've possibly ever taken of myself. Yeah.
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Spent the first half of my morning filming a piano cover and then editing it on iMovie so I could add those captions things. I find it funny. I Facetimed with Sirko for the whole day again. I think I am greatly attached to her. There was this scissors that randomly appeared in my desk. I reached out to it and the next thing I knew was that I had bangs. See, in my defense, Sirko was enabling me. We were productive the whole day. I'm saying I was too because I helped her in her resaerch. I love writing stuff for resaerch so much. I did other progresses on my other projects too so I guess that counts. Back to me cutting my hair, I freaked out at the time of the thing but I slowly acquired the taste and now I actually think it looks good.
Regrettably not as productive as I wanted to be. I am writing this Sirko journal because it recently just hit me. I learned Fight or Flight in the piano because this day had no single agenda. Played with Ploopy once again. Whenever I play with them, all the senses of comfort I once had in the old times we spent together comes back. I think that's awesome. I played Valorant with them and it was actually fun. I don't really play that game anymore so I know how badly I did. Good thing they didn't get mad because I could've sworn I acted like I was trolling; I wasn't trolling. Then we played volleyball in Roblox. That was also great.
The last call lasted until like really late at night and you'd think I would've went to sleep after that... but no. I got it into another call and I played chess with a friend. I don't know how he could even put up with me but he could and he did.
I am once again found inside a hospital. I got my stuff checked out. I am sick. They offered some pill but I knew the side-effects of those pills. I refuse to take them. I went home and finally decided on a cosplay. I bought my Inosuke (gender bent) and it should arrive in about a week's time. I did some more coding. I audiobooked a new book and it Oedipus Rex by Sophacles. The plot was very interesting. About this dude who had a prophecy of him killing his dad and marrying her mom. He couldn't go against his fate in the end. It was weird. But aren't all Greek stories weird. The theme of it was on free will and fate. Now that I'm thinking about it, didn't Sigmund Freud make this theory called Oedipus Complex? I made a Lego gun and wanted to install some Arduino into it. I ended up not doing that because the time contrains all my desires. Instead of Facetiming with Sirko as per usual, I was actually with another group of friends.
Exaclty like me (this is very out of context).
I studied the whole day. I still have it in me. I Monkeytyped in the middle of my study sessions. My current goal is to reach 150wpm. I can only do only around 110wpm. I Facetimes with Sirko the whole day and skipped classes while making an 8x8 LED Matrix with arduino. I gave up on that one then just started a new project with LCDs. I used the LCD1602 with I2C module for Arduino.
I really appreciate the recent daily calls I've been having with Sirko. I like it when she updates me on the most trivial stuff like her new Skims dress arriving in the mail or what not. I think it's very wholesome.
In school classes were suspended insteaad we were forced to attend an online one. I tried studying at home. I need to study. I am distracted and this is not the best scenario. I slept throughout the whole afternoon. I am sick. I had 2 people confessing to me today. The recent events has never been what I had anticipated. An eventful week but not in a good way. It is all very sudden and all I want is my time back. I don't get how they could like me when they barely even know me. Too bad. I do not wish to associate with them in any way shape or form.
This one dude was messaging me until like 3AM. I wanted was sleep. I woke up to more DMs from random guys. I do not wish to receive them. This made me realize I really only like one person. I want Steven! I went to a Thai resto and their food was good. Today was jsut me replying to messages when I didn't really ask for them. This was an ego boost but at the same time a new tedious job. The only people I genuinely want to talk to are those in my reconcs6 account. I love them wholly.
Another orthodontist appoinment. I came with my baby brother and apparently his teeth was too clean. Like too white. I wish I had his problem. I've been doing magic tricks for my baby brother too and he's completely eating up everything I do. I like that I'm the one who got him to believe in magic. It was fun for a solid few hours until I ran out of tricks and he started demanding for more. It's nice to hear him absolutely lose it and laugh so much. I now understand why Howard Wolowitz loves magic so much. I mean I've always loevd it too but I never really had an audience.
Called Brie on Facetime while I got ready for the party. I got a of attention in social media because I posted something. I enjoy attention and compliments. They're shallow but... I'll take it. I ran late and Brie did too somehow. Ria ran later though. I got closure with this one dude that I thought hated me. He never actually did hate me I just like overthinking and putting my expectation low for every person I meet. It's smart because then I'd try my best to always try to please them and I end up becoming the nicest person ever. The dude called my name a lot and it felt like a lift off my shoulder knowing he's actually chill with me. This is platonic by the way... I need to clarify that because he's one of those really cool people you'd meet in a life time. I met many people. My other friend didn't like that a few dudes were hitting on me. I didn't like it either. They are stupid. I vomitted from drinking so much water because I didn't like that I drank alcohol. I wanted to flush it out of my system because I was really only pretending in the party. This much socialiaztion will definitely drain me for a week or two.
I also aced PE. I broke my nail so that was terrible. I don't get how I can be so athletic when I'm literally weak and scrawnny. It's insane how I can do good at everything I do. I still practice but I swear I don't get how other people just can't put enough trust on themselves. I trust myself so much in being able to achieve everything that it's actually starting to personify. Sirko was sick so she didn't come to school today. A package I did order came in her house (I have way too many packages home...) and her sister gave it to me during her free period. Ria was very hysterical. Kind of like how I get whenever I got a bad grade on an assignment. She had boy problems.
Me, Brie, and Ria decided to go and hunt for a gift for this dude who invited us to his party. I already had a gift so I really was just tagging a long. It wasn't long until I decided I needed new clothes too. I made both of them try out my drink (Biscoff) and they couldn't even deny how good it was. After Brie had left, I ate at KFC with Ria and used a fork to eat soup. Overall an awesome day.
I finished some projects within a short span of time and I find satisfaction in being better than everybody else. A friend of mine once more listed all the stuff I'm great at and they told me they always wonder "What can't Cy do?". It's awesome how I present myself so well. Obviously I acknowledge that I'm not the best at everything. It still does take a great feat in making sure I am a very well-rounded individual. I'm glad people notice and point it out.
Here's a very unnecessary information: Ria gave me a plastic fork.
Distance has gone between me and Sirko. The fates have been separating us! We decided to Facetime the whole day to catch up. I also needed someone to accompany while I was studying so there's that. I started studying the moment I got up and showered. It was bird chirping early. I have this huge test (every test is huge for me, to be fair) coming up tomorrow so I really had to get my stuff together. Around 12 noon, I remembered I needed to line up on TicketMaster for this Anime Cosplay Convention tickets. I was 7 minutes late because even though I waited early, it sooner or later slipped my mind and became too absored in my studies. I ate Popeyes and it's surprising because I rarely eat real food whenever I'm studying. Maybe I wasn't studying as much as I wanted to. I consumed an hour for my cosplans. The day went on with Sirko and my study time. 12 sessions for 8 hours of studying. With James Scholz once more and I just have to say, this dude is saving me so much.