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February 28, 2023

My classmates are so slow that I built two Arduino projects while they were stuck with one complaining how theirs wouldn't work. I am way too good. They had grouping and I was alone. I am writing this with pettiness but I do not care. The skill difference is insane. I shouldn't act like this but I can't help it because they left me alone. That doesn't justify anything and the only explanation to why I'm acting like this is really just because I'm a petty person.
I love our English teacher. She really redeemed herself. I am glad I am no longer anxious in attending her class but now I am of Science. How weird is that.
I broke a Rubik's Cube in class today because I was speedcubing. I'm too cool for anyone. Sirko also messaged me this picture of Lily Chee and told me I looked so much like her so that's an ego boost worth mentioning. She's been saying that for the past 3 years and I'm taking it and running. I do get compliments but as I've already said in the past (I think I've said it before), I can't differentiate genuine compliments from flattery.

February 27, 2023

Just when I thought I couldn't possibly be later than the last time I was late, I am late again. I almost went to school in my pajamas but my mind is not wired like that and functionign without a shower is impossible for me. I got ready within like 5 minutes and ran out the door. My brother despite my panicked state however, was still slower than I was. Luck was on my side and I somehow made it in time. I don't remember how that even was possible to be honest... Every subject had a test. I studied for everything. Excep one... one who hasn't finished his lesson nor warned us beforehand. The dude went out his way to gaslight the entire class into thinking he announced it but he really didn't. My score was still high if we consider the curve, but it's still a fail for me. We will be having a supplementary test next meeting and best know I will study more than I did yesterday. I surprisingly did aextra well on this one subject I was nervous on. She gave us the perfect test ever. It's basically a blank paper and you have to explain her given prompts. You know who else memorizes entire lessons word per word? Me.
There is an unbearable weight in not knowing.
When I say "I can die happily" at given times, I think that I really could because I live life quite greatly. My application of meaning to life is basically doing my best at everything and gaining the most skills and hobbies I could ever acquire. A friend of mine argued taht I was just doign it as some kind of Shiny Object Syndrome but I really beg to differ. The fact that his goal way to linear make me think that he want an uptight life. I totally respect it; however it's not me. One can suffer all he want and wait for the long term gratifications but if you don't balance that with short term ones, when are you really going to have fun? How can you say you can die at any given times? I think I have the optimized living to the fullest life. I love myself so much for being the way I am.
Brie accompanies me for my free times and it's so sweet.
I coped with a glass of milk and cookies because I'm failing Science. Then I called with Sine, then Brie, then studied for 3 hours.

February 26, 2023

More study sessions. I did like 12. That's 8 hours of studying. I think I prefer the classic analog stuff when I'm over digital but at the same time I love everything technology. Maybe I just like the simplicity of things. I made an Instagram account with all my practice tests, Google Docs note, reminders, and every academic related thing and it's super epic. I certainly do take a liking to organization too.
I love those instances when my brother just enters my room to show me his art stuff that he's passionate about. It's so whoelsome but I can't help but seel sad since next year he's going into college then I'm next... Talked with Austin and he told me I was an epic friend! Nice to hear. I also got so many compliments today out of nowhere. It's honestly quite strange. Got a random invite to a party. I shall halt my studies for taht day and be a normal teenage kid.
Another Nefer appreciation star! She's so awesome.

February 25, 2023

This day was nothing much particularly special unlike all the days I've lived. Woke up to finish my reviewe and started studying along side James. I'm also doign the Pomodoro btu instead of a timer it's a stopwatch. I studied and slepton repeat. On one of my break times, I decided I needed a new upgrade and ordered a new one online. Me and Brie had a little call session and we talked aboujt my series of traumatizing worst experiencts with people. It really explains why I have the worst social anxiety ever. Also relistened to the entire Hamilton (with some skips) track with her.

February 24, 2023

I played Roblox again! I haven't been playin it because of school and all. I reunited with those old mutual of mine. I forced my friend group to watch every Youtube video this dude I like has. Everybody agrees this dude is like me. From the hobbies, the humor, the video editing style, they, I quote, even said "Why is that actually Cy". Even the excessive hand gestures! How can a person be so perfect? I rechecked my contracts and fixed some stuff. Slept for a bit before writing my diary. I'm not sure if I've already mentioned James Scholz here but I saw that he has been trying out meditating and I don't know how but he's somehow convincing me. Did a list for the world's safest replies that would work even if you're not listenin to the person you're talking to. I think it's useful.
I didn't study as much today and instead I decided that the best thing to do at that moment was to continue my "Why You Chould Play Chess With Me" google slides.

February 23, 2023

I made one small blunder during my math test. I've only realized it after passing my paper and have contemplated about it a bit more. It's just one mistake but it wasn't a mistake my mind made. I knew the right answer. Since we didn't get to finish the test, I'm hoping it doesn't get checked so I can still change my answers. I have all the questions memorized anyway. Science period, I didn't understand a single thing. I didn't even try. I crumpled up pieces of paper and drew circles position like cup pongs. I played paper cup pong for 2 hours straight.
Watched this very cringey, coming of age, romcom movie with my Book Club and I critiqued the entire movie but simultaneously cried for the characters. It's been a while since the last time we hung out as a whole. To be completely honest, one of our friend who is usually gone, I feel is now gone forever. It's an intuition I have. See, normally, I understand when my friends just go off social media. We are all very healthy in the group and I love how w've developed our system. But I firmly believe that this time is different. Nonetheless, I understand completely.

February 22, 2023

Before I went to sleep last night, I wrote Sirko two letters and inserted it in the book gift I got her. Today’s the day where she gets to have pretty and delicious pastries and blow out candles. I came over to her house since she was hosting this dinner where all of her favorite people - which makes three - are going to gather. I went up to her room while we waited for the others and I gave her the gift. She showed me her cake and it was so awesome. She had a folklore themed one! We ate at a Japanese restaurant and talked so much. We grabbed coffee and sat out the park to chat more before parting our ways. I think this is the best way to celebrate a birthday. It’s not something with a full on itinerary and a list of fun activities to do but just the quality time spent with your favorite people.

February 21, 2023

I kept on waking up at random times in the middle of the night. Ot was especially worse at around 3AM when I'd wake up every 10 minutes. I think that came from my study habit conditioned body where I take my ten minute naps inbetween studies or do intervals of 10 minutes so I can trick my brain into thinking I've slept for longer. Math was okay. I wanna say I did well but I'd pretty sure I made a mistake. I coded a lot in class in my phone. Pretty awesome right? I used Code Swift and it actually had quite the few fun excercises. I main Javascript so I was relatively new to Python. It was great. I played chess with some of Ria's friend but I had a class to ctach and didn't get to finish my match. Luckily, somebody subbed and won for me. I did great in accounting. I bought Robux for a friend in mine as this random spontaneous decision in class. I was bored, okay.
Since it's Sirko's birthday tomorrow, we went out together with Ria to my favorite dog cafe. I finally managed to maek them taste my biscoff drink. I'm claiming that drink. I'm sorry. I just love hanging out with them. Riatold us about this thing she came across saying that everybody knows someone who's connected to everyone. She pointed out that I was that friendfor her. Same with Sirko. How do I have the friendliest charm ever? I have no idea.
Slept after school because this day was draining but at the same time well fulfilled with the blanket-like comfort of my friends.

February 20, 2023

Good monring. I've been coming to school with chocolates on my deask. That is very epic. I won more of those Kahoot stuff for school. It was a grammar and punctuations test. I'm really good. I am always in the top places. I played chess with two - technically one - of Ria's classmates and I didn't really get to finish the game, but the dude who substituted for me won. I was so nervous that my fingernails were digging through my palm.
My Arduino Uno kit is here!!!!!!!! I sadly need to study for tomorrow so I could not even open my kit. I put it on a table to let it sit and collect dust for now. It's beside my oil painting stuff. I am sorry my dearest hobbies. I must study. I am a study machine. I haven't been playing much of chess.

February 19, 2023

I am coding once more. My website is so great. It's a ton better and I like that. Studied more while in a call with Brie. I wish to slowly implement rules into my life. I'll start with dropping all my electronics by 10PM. I'm doing a Cy Life documentation in my private stories to motivate my frineds and also because I am hilarious. I used the ascend.mp3 music in the background of every posts and I might actually have a crack in my brain because it's so funny. Studied, ate ribeye, fuxed mybag, studied, took my 4th shower, eat again (but samgyeopsal), study, go to sleep.

February 18, 2023

I sit motionless in my chair is solitude. The font in this site is not displaying properly. I realized that I actually was just brain dead last night because the reason why I couldn't fix the errors was because I was editing the wrong file. No matter how much I stayed u for last night, it was all in vain. It's ironic because I just saw this one video online that talked about how if he could start programming or coding again, he's get sleep because it's like some kind of Senzu Beans for them. He was right. I coded quite a lot and fixed eveyrthing. It was all quite simple really. I think I needed that. I managed to improve my wesite and add so many more cool modifications. I also organized it a bit so it's a lot cleaner now. It's hard to organize them because I improved drastically in the making of this website and I wihs I could remake this but it's too time consuming and I've grown quite attached to its little imperfections.
I went furniture shopping but couldn't find anything interesting. I should get the Ikea bookshelves. Got pizza, studied, read, and slept.

February 17, 2023

Came to school early to play Minecraft and Roblox. I was dreading P.E. but I forget I'm a very athletic person and was in varsity. I got a perfeft mark in my volleyball drill tests. I think I got the highest score (the actual varsities were exempted to be fair). I no longer fear P.E. because it's actually super fun. Sirko did my nails during club and I kept on runing it. I was offered my chocolates but I had to decline. At the end of the day, I had to remove the nail polish because it was in ruins. I'll repaint it some other time. I took a 5 hour after school nap! That's longer than the sleep I get during the night time. Before the day ended, I looked at my website and to my consternation it's in absolute shambles. Google Chrome hates me and my biggets fear took form. I tried fixing it but nothing was working and I couldn't figure out why. I slept wiht a heavy chest.

February 16, 2023

Today the Valentines madness resumes. I gave out my chocolates, people gave me theirs. Brie got me and Ria this crocheted flower and we contrapted this cool thing so it would stay in our hair by tying it along the temples of our glasses. Great day to be blind. I wired my credit card into my phone and bought Minecraft PE and since we had quite the vacant times, we played. Found out my mom is going into some surgery. Depression. Somebody asked me in school today whether I could do this certain talent. A friend of mine came up and explicitely said that I can do anything and that made my heart felt so light because I love being noticed. I consider myself a humble person but I can admit for myself and acknowledge all my talents because I genuinely learn all those. Given that I do learn quickly... I still practice a lot. This is why I only want a few people in my life. I only want those who knows how to appreciate. I wanna be seen. Back to my after school naps.

February 15, 2023

My body has always been the weakest but at the same time have the fastest recovery system ever and it gets kind of confusing at times. I am fully well now. Not exactly. See, I'm in the hospital to get some tests ran by. Reasons why are my period that comes every two weeks, I am an anemic person, and because I was sick yesterday. I got more blood tests, syringes, incisions, I hate my life. I went back home because the ultrasound needed certain requirements. Found out I don't have cancer so yay. I will however be getting cancer vaccines soon. I'm gonna try my best to prolong it because they hurt and I'm busy. Had another horrible interaction with the humans. This is why I hate public area and why I'm terrified of everyone. People have no regards for others. I won't detail out the story but long story short, humans are self-absored. They said sorry after realizing their mistake but as someone with social anxiety, I will be crying about this for days. I went to the bookstore again. I picked up my book that I preordered - The Journals of Sylvia Plath one. Hopefully I can write effortlessly like her someday.

February 14, 2023

Watched a bunch of Arduino tutorials while I was stuck in the webs of anticipation. Also, I am sick. Illness fit fell suddenly. I do not like dirty gray skies. Each hour is a conquest. My dad got a porsche and decided to take us out for family dinner as a died in the most excruciating way. It was also my brother's girlfriend's first time having dinner with us. All I could think about was the huge bunch of circuits I had coming in the mail. I want to make some healthcare robot because I swear I'm going to die.

February 13, 2023

Needed a headshot for my college requirements. It's honestly terrifying how time just slips by. I bought chocolates for valentines once more. I have a lot friends. I read a book as I usually do, I discovered this new word: Cynosure. It means a person or thing that is the center of attention or admiration. I want to become god. I want to be the cynosure of all. I stayed up late a vomitted twice.

February 12, 2023

It suddenly dawned on me that I have yet to actually program and actually make a physical robot (besides those I've done in my robotics class because those aren't mine though they are technically intellectual property in a sense). I scoured the internet (I did one quick search) for a programmable open-source microcontroller board and settled on the Arduino Uno. With no further thoughts, I quickly bought my very first set. I can't wait to program actual robots. Of course, I'd have to practice on some of the basics and work my way up first, but it shouldn't be a problem because I already have prior knowledge on all this. Besides, I'm a genius, remember? I did some regular stuff and was told that we had to go out to dine tonight. I slept for a bit before actually getting ready to go out. I am tired. A little life update, my mom has been making us these chocolate frappes and I love them so much (that's in addition to the fruits she brings because I'm Asian). She always has those phases of like stuff she does and it's actually quite nice. The frappe thing probably happens like for a week or two every 2-3 months I believe. I bought more canvas and some pallete knife because I do want to start my oil painting already. God if only I weren't so busy. We ate at a Japanese Resto and just did stuff. Around midnight I played Jackbox Party Pack 9 with Ploopy again! In Junktopia, I remember making Dodo Brush, in Roomerang, there was this one friend taht was targetted and got kicked out every round. It was the most hilarious thing ever. Fibbage proved how terrible I lie... but then I actually started becoming good so atleast I'm gaining skills from having a weird amount of liar friends (not from the book club just to get that out there). Nonsensory was awesome, then Quixort was totally awesome (we won) too.

February 11, 2023

Had my usual orthodontist appoinment. I went out with Sirko because of how the recent events have been unraveling. It's really difficult to be alone.
Will day. I mad sure to bring 2 books in my tote bag. One is a short book and the other is for when I don't feel like reading a short book. We met up and went to the bookstore to look for a new interesting book. I was just here yesterday so I already knew I wasn't going to find anything. I was still searching every corner of the shelves because it was a big bookstore and you never know. I wanted to make Sirko try out my absolute favorie drink I talk about every single day at this dog cafe but it was so full thatwe ended up just resorting to Starbucks. We ate at Shake Shack and instead of reading my books which I carefully picked out this morning, we chatted and gossiped. We walked around and talked some more, went to an art store to buy oil painting materials. Made plans for a next hangout! Painting! Before we got home we sat out at this bench place. It's pretty there. I went home and so did she. It was an amusing day but it did not end there.
I somehow had some conserved energy left in me. I played Jackbox with Ploopy (my old, original friend group)! We did the Murder Party first and I lost. I was terrified and jumpy because I am an easily scared person. We had a little break time and my friends took that time to make me play this survey Roblox game. I was screaming so much and was so scared expecially with that one knocking sound effect at the end because my bedroom door is also located to my left. I streamed it and everybody could tell how often I was alt tabbing and how I refused to look at the monitor. We played Quipplash and I lost, Tee K.O. where I made the coolest designs but still lost. There was this one image that everyone was fighting over who drew only for us to find out it was Jackbox. It was the funniest image. The Didn't ask tee was our favorite followed by my Don't Do it tee. We also did Guesspionage and the facts were very interesting. I enjoyed everything. We played Jstris too then when Ria and Brie left, I was told so many elaborate stories of what I had missed in our times not talking. It was most especially about this one dude who shall never be named and the call took 5 more hours ending at around 5AM.

February 10, 2023

Nobody came to school. A few did, I was one of the few. I was 2 hours late but then quickly left after I felt the qualms that resides in the school grounds. I went to the mall with Sine and agreed to not speak on this matter. I checked on the new Hogwarts Legacy for PS5 and it was sold out. I preordered a Sylvia Plath book (got a bad encounter with an old lady in line), got some Valentines stuff, and did my groceries. If this isn't retail therapy, I don't know what is. Upon my arrival home, I received news on what has happened in the school which I had previously left. Apparently they hosted a counseling seminar and the horrible part about it is how the dude told them to not feel how they feel because it's not that deep and although one 1 died, there are 99 left. Good thing I dismissed myself early.

February 09, 2023

Perhaps I am in need of rewiring a thousand synapses in my brain. I'm reading romance again and we all know that's not good.
The gravity has now doubled. Someone committed suicide in our school. This is too sensitive and heavy for me to speak on. I knew to whole story because of some associations. I knew the detailed story. I cried when I received my brother's text.

February 08, 2023

I was reading the Communist Manifesto for a bit while eating my cereal breakfast when a package came in. I got a new phone! It's the Iphone 14 Pro Max. Thanks mom. I was helping my friend through a break up so I made sure that I wasn't too occupied so I can be a good available friend.

February 07, 2023

I am now officially declaring my alarm clock as useless. I woke up and the panic couldn't even register in my brain. I started taking the fastest shower and got straight to the car almost faster than the duration an average person might take holding their breaths. I was late to class again. I am always late but this time, I was really really late. I understand the whole taking your time thing if you're going to be late anyway, but see I am a very diligent student who goes to school to actually study and listen to the lecture. We had robotics and we were doing some basic Arduino stuff and everyone sucked. I finished everything faster than I did my morning routine today. That says a lot. See, I wouldn't be so conceited right now if I were grouped with my class friend group but I was alone. It was randomly picked but everybody knows how petty I am. Rest assured though (for my own self-esteem), the first activity we had proved how much better I am than all of their brain cells combined. I've been coding and programming for a few years now, yes there's a disadvantage. However, if they were more like me, they'd totally learn how to code during their free times too. In cocnlusion, I am better.

February 06, 2023

I helped Ria in emulating this elaborate plan we had to get her crush to notice her. It involved us going to where he usually sits during lunch time and me having an untied shoelaces so Ria could do it for me and we could stop just where his peripherals meets our position. It was unsuccessful because Ria was very jittery and she ended up looking at her crush instead of helping me. Recently our book club has been having lunch together and it's one of the best things ever. Before the day ended I got a compliment on how I looked saying I look straight out of the You Belong With Me music video.
The time finally came. Brie had the recording. If you don't have any prior knowledge about this recording I mention, it's basically a confrontation that happened in a school parking lot because there's this one girl who has been lying to her entire 9 member group of friends making up this really hard to believe person. Long story short, she lied more saying he was half real and half not. What does that even mean? I have no idea. It was an hour long and it had more stuff in it but I don't want to get into details anymore. Best believe that everything was just absurd and it was very obvious that her lies were starting to become half-assed in the most spontaneous, unplanned way possible. It sucks because even after all she has done, her friend group is choosing to stay and console her.

February 05, 2023

I woke up to a lot of new messages. I managed to make a new friend too. I was called a talented drunk since apparently I got the things that you're not supposed to get during your first time drinking but it takes experience. I helped my brother paint again for his valentines gift. Calling Brie has become part of my nightly routine and it reminds me of the good old days. I wanted to do math but turns out I'm already done. Today was a rest day.

February 04, 2023

I have a new word. It's not really new, but right now I'm overusing it and I just love how it rolls off my tongue. People. I love the word people. I am now officially claiming that word. Hello people. My entire body is under excruciating pain. I went out to the mall to do some girl stuff before the party. I did a Beabadoobee inspired makeup look! I called Sirko while I was getting ready and got a few consultations it was cool. The party was epic. I made so many new friends and I was given so many handles. I did a syringe shot and 5 more normal ones. It was vodka and it's actually my first time experiencing a mobile bar. I didn'treally get drunk. Maybe a bit but that's really it. I met this one insufferable girl who was in the same table as I was and let's just say I decided to be quiet for half the night. Damian was also at my table and they asked me how I was. It was sweet of him to even notice. Later on, I told Sirko about the girl and she knew it wasn't like me to hate and she's such a great counterpart because she immediately got it. She was always the one to point out any social stuff because she reads Jenny Han and I read Shakespeare. The table arrangement itself was weird since my friend's ex thing was there and he kept on asking about my bestfriend. I got home and played Minecraft and that was around like 2am. I just really wanted to prove that I wasn't intoxicated or anything.

February 03, 2023

Losing sleep for praise is so worth it. We had volleyball for our very first class and it was tiring for sure. I scraped my knees too so that's horrible. The rest of the classes were just free times and you'd think I would've slept but I was very energetic. Our third and last class was accountancy and justbefore it ended I was shaking so hard because I almost got a mark off. Club was alright since I'm with Sirko and Lane. Sirko walked me home and waited for me which was sweet. I went to the mall and bought stuff. Signed some documents for this company and I was elected as a treasurer so that's cool. Played Minecraft with Brie and then shortly after, I somehow convinced her to film a thrist trap so she did a live get ready with me and it was so pretty.
Before ringing down the curtains, I just hope the people I am refering to don't see this but here comes... I appreciate you guys so much. We had a falling out, you guys gave me trust issues, but know taht part of me will always love you people and wish that things were different.

February 02, 2023

Bright suns! The book club is complete-ish! They are very peaceful and I like it. It was very interesting to study some of the paintings my dad actually owns. Our classes has been quite serene and it's weird that I'm not stressing over anything. I played chess with a friend and won. I was starving the entire day and actually felt hunger. I don't usually feel hunger ever. I wanted the biscoff but my luck wasn't working. I went and got a full meal at Mcdonalds and some Starbucks drink. I came home to more food in the table. THere was pizza, velvet cupcakes, more fries, pasta, and just about all the food I loved. I ate everything and have never felt fuller. At night time my brother asked for my help on this painting he was doing for his girlfriend. Simultaneously, I did my accounting homework and it was hard because we had to do it manually - pen and paper manually. I played Minecraft to take a break and it was actually helpful because after the quick gameplay, I managed to finish my paper in one last attempt.
I was assembling the PS5 and posted a story about the plastic circular thingy at the bottom of it and talked about how I struggled removing it. My friend swiped up and we had a good chat. I showedthis website to him and I swear I cried because of the appreciation I received. He even looked for every singleeaster egg hidden in this website. That included the Star Wars poster in one of the graphics! He clicked everything and decoded all the codes! That's so cool of him to be honest. This is an appreciate the appreciation post now. This ended around like quarter to 3am and I my school starts early so I did not even sleep.

February 01, 2023

I was on the fitting room for hours. Normally I'd spend inside any stores for a second getting which ever piece of clothing my eyes catches because I just have a sense of what looks cool. This time however, nothing was looking right. I had to reward myself with a book after that exhausting dress fitting. Sure, maybe it was an excuse to buy more books. It was.
Ria has been watching her guy thing kill dodo bird (Ark) and code which is literally our thing. Lane also now has a boyfriend and she spends so much time playing chess with him when I'm way better. I am glad that my friends are happy. I just like acting dramatic because emotions are great when over exaggerated. I still believe that these men only have a fragment of my talent and they'll never be better than me.
I joined a Minecraft server with my school friends and I kept dying that I told them tha I really was just playing Dumb Ways to Die but in Minecraft. I swear I'm good at the game. I just can't seem to find the perfect balance between being a try hard and enjoying the game. I also feel like the server won't last so I find it a waste of time and it's really holding me back. I am not okay.
My pathological liar friend is at it again. I've mentioned her here in the blog in another name but I swear it sucks because it really messes with my brain. I don't think I'll ever bring this up again but I swear she just has these episodes when she feels the need to create a whole new elaborate lie for fun.
My brother watched this really scary video clip and came into my room in the middle of the night to sleepover and I swear I got no sleep.

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