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May 31, 2023

I had a dream. I was playing with my childhood Sylvanian Families Dollhouse. I always thought I'd never grow out of it, but I regrettably did eventually. I texted my mom saying I'll look for it in our other house and put it on my library for display, so it can be this little nostalgic thing I can look at. Something about seeing toys that were a huge part of my childhood is comforting.
I transferred a few blog entries while listening to Madeline Argy. She's so real. I had my orthodontist appointment, then went to the mall to buy my baby brother a gift. He's been really obsessed with DC and Marvel. He's so like me. I found out that my dad wasn't coming to my brother's graduation, so I insisted I come instead. It was actually such a coincidence because I think they were only allowing two slots for the guest seats per student. I'd never admit it, but my brother played such a huge influence in my school life. It sucks that he has to go to college now.
When I got home, I started studying. I studied with my hamster child in his little chair, while Bear the III watched over me. I had mini cooking videos, James Scholz, and my stopwatch playing in the background. I didn't study as much. I'll just take it as a preliminary for tomorrow when I start to actually burn myself out. My brother and I haven't had a late-night talk in a while. I mean, we still do occasionally, but back then it was an everyday thing. We would sit down in the usual kitchen and have meaningful conversations. I miss this. Lately, playing Starbound has been our only main activity together. I ended the day with a Facetime call with Sirko, and I did a GURWM.

May 30, 2023

Not my busiest day ever. I gave Bear the III a bath. I was supposed to do it yesterday, but I was too tired (even though i still somehow ended up staying up late). Anyway, I made sure to give him a proper cleaning. I've always had this weird relationship with cleanliness even as a kid. Don't get me wrong, my room is very messy with the mounds of paper pile I have on my floor from studying. But messy is different from clean. Everything is obsessively clean in my room. Back to the bear bath, it was really cute, and I even blow-dried his fur to make it all nice and fluffy. I should relearn crocheting so I can make him a little tee. That would be such an awesome project because boredom will kill me soon. That or if I don't keep myself busy this summer my thought will consume me into insanity.
I've been helping my baby brother with his schoolwork. He has his own tutor through Zoom, but he gets easily distracted and doesn't pay attention. So, I've been giving my extra hours to make sure he understands his lessons and completes his homework. Today's session was especially tiring because he was so unfocused. I had to keep bringing him back to the tasks he missed. I took a big nap after. So tiring.
I never had the biggest preference for cakes or cupcakes. I always thought they were too sweet. Muffins, however, are the definition of perfection. If I were Goldilocks, I'd be attracted to muffins. Not too sweet or lacking, muffins are just right.
Still in the same VC, we were listening to sad songs and I think I screamed for more or less 4 hours straight. Send help.

May 29, 2023

Today was our last day of school, and honestly, I didn't feel like attending at all. But since it was required, I had no choice. To make things even more complicated, it was Sine's 18th birthday, but we had to prioritize school over celebrations. To balance this out, we made a bunch of letters so we could ask for permission to leave the campus. Her plan was to have lunch together with her closest friends. While I was waiting in the car, Sine and another friend shortly followed after and told me that there was this guy looking for me. Too bad because I left early. Atleast I got an almost confession before school ended. Which means I remain relevant. Apparently my friend turned him down for me. The dude is actually my Rhett's bandmate. Insane. The last kind-of-interaction I had with him was when we were in this one concert and I think he was in front of me and all I did was scream. Totally unflattering. I really couldn't care less because I already like another person so good my friend told him off. Back to the main plot, we were 6 in total and I asked my driver to take us to High Street. During the car ride, I had the aux, so obviously non-stop Taylor Swift songs were played. We arrived and decided to eat at a Chinese restaurant. While we were there, all I could think about was when me and Sirko last went here and she was telling me that if I were a food, I would taste like xiao long bao. We had lots of fun and it was very epic. One of my friends and I finally made plans to start a band next year. It's a must-need highschool experience. After lunch, we headed to Muji, but my friend and I got separated. We started goofing around, making commercials and completely lost track of where everybody else went. It was like we were two lost kids while everyone else was searching for us. I couldn't stop laughing. We then went to Hamleys because I always go to the toy store. I don't think I'll ever mature from toys. Which says a lot. I bought a bear for Sam and myself. She loves matching stuff with me. It's cute. She also has gained an interest to bears. Like an obsession. I've always loved bears. We looked for a photo booth to take pictures.It was adorable. By then, we wanted to go to a cafe, but we didn't want to go to the regular ones we usually visit. So we walked quite a bit until we found a cafe that caught our attention. We played a bunch of games. We also did a bit of shopping. Eventually, the sun began to set, we left and decided to grab some Krispy Kreme donuts before parting ways. We sat at the park, enjoying our treats while we waited for our rides.
I got home and since I don't get tired like ever, I played Got It with Tony. We actually share the same brain cell. We were so good. The topics ranged from Star Wars, Marvel, DC, video games, cartoons, inside jokes, and I swear we were getting everything in the first 1-2 rounds of every game. We are like the same person living the same lives.

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May 28, 2023

I woke up extremely early because it was my last day at the review center I've been going to. But Everybody forgot about it and my parents told me not to bother going. So, I stayed home instead. I think I have a shopping problem. My brother has the it too but he spends on in-game purchases, so it's not as noticeable. Anyway, back to my recent purchases—I bought another Pandora necklace. It had a Star Wars theme, so how could I resist, right? What's worse is that my parents aren't helping either because they actually encourage it. It's okay, I'll just ease myself with the thought of this being their form of compensation for me acing everything in school. Continuing on, I also ordered another charm, this time an R2D2 one. And I took a few charms to get cleaned too. I bought a Lego set for my friend who's turning 18 tomorrow. She's been dropping hints which... Yeah.
Then I cried myself to sleep. With the same people I"m always with in call.

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May 27, 2023

I woke up and decided today was the day I cry over Taylor's new CD exclusive track on Midnights (From the Vault), You're Losing Me.
My friend texted telling me she had tea. Why do the guys in my classroom like ranking us? It's so stupid. They don't even stand a chance on the people they've decided to rank low. I know because they're literally so pretty. I had the top score (still a 7.5) but that just makes me wonder like what goes on in their mind more. It's not even an ego boost because they're ugly anyway.
I had my dermatologist appointment which is the same one I've been going to since I was in 7th grade. My parents have this weird thing of putting me in every medical maintenance ever. I'm not complaining though. I played Starbound for almost the whole day and suffered all my stupid decisions (in-game). For a few hours, I was sucked into the solace of music once again. Time completely flew past me before I could even catch it. The main song I was learning on the piano and guitar was, of course, You're Losing Me. I had to make stuff up because it's unreleased and it's only a few hours new so I had no resources at all. I ended the day playing more of Starbound and Brie crying over call.

May 26, 2023

Our friend group, the book club, have had this plan to hangout for quite a while. Today was the day we finally push through with it. Although we still weren't complete, it was the closest we could get. I arrived early and met up with Brie after waiting for a short while. Lane informed us that she would be running late, so we decided to just mindlessly roam the mall. We looked at every toy imaginable and were fascinated by literally anything. I was so easily distracted by everything, like I was the most curious fish in Finding Nemo or something. It was as if I was a cat chasing after a laser pointer. I visited Pandora again it's a strange addiction... I bought an R2-D2 charm, but it will take some time to arrive. I had to pre-order it from another place. We also went to the bookstore and judged every book we came across. We ran into a few people I knew. When Lane finally arrived, we headed straight to the dog cafe. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on our side as the biscoff drink I always talk about was out of stock. Sirko followed up. I ate some hot wings and ended up crying. Sirko had to get me tissue because I was actually in pain. Sirko and I forced our friends to listen to Taylor Swift's new deluxe album called "Til the Dawn Midnights." It hit different. I couldn't believe that our group was semi-complete again.
Crocs. Sorry.
We also had an event at school that was supposed to be a family day, but no families showed up. Not even many students attended. I go to a university so it was quite the surprise. I went there straight after with Sirko after the book club hangout. The event turned out to be a huge flop. The only reason I went was because a friend of mine has a band, and I had been ditching their gigs, so I felt obligated to attend. Not really obligated, I just owed him a big one. This is the same friend whose concert I went to and mentioned in one of my earlier entries. They've gained quite a reputation now, so they were scheduled to perform last. It's the school's strategic but desperate attempt of keeping people around. While waiting for the only band we came for, we decided to go ghost haunting with Sirko's other friend group. Sirko accidentally spilled her large drink with no cap on me after we got this scare. Everything else at the event was boring. Literally empty school. Just when the time was nearing for the band I came for to perform, my mom called me and said I had to get home early. Sirko and I were stressing because there was only a few minutes left and the band still hadn't started playing. Somehow, I managed to convince my mom to let me stay for a little longer just to watch the one thing I came for.
I am extremely tired.

May 25, 2023

Was forced to go to school again. I went with just my phone and airpods in my pocket. I can't keep on getting away with this. I taught Sine and another friend of ours how to play a few Taylor Swift songs on the piano. Our classroom has turned into a music room at this point. I played Bloxburg on Roblox with my other friend too. He was flexing his really awesome mansion. I love how all the rooms were completely empty and he jusst prioritized the theater room. See, that's funny because he's known for literally having watched everything on Netflix. A few boring minutes of zoning out after, Another friend of mine asked me to go down with her to just buy food. We did. We haven't talked in a while so it was quite a wholesome moment. The rest of the day was spent with me sleeping on the floor again. This time, my classmates have provided me with pillows and a blanket. If they did this everyday, I'd definitely attend school more often. I also hung out with Brie today. On our way home, I gave her a ride to like the mall. Tony sent a picture of his orange chicken and so I got that from Panda Express too.
I got more late night life advice from Brie and Tony. Brie's so sweet omg.

May 24, 2023

I've been meaning to code a website for my friend, and conveniently, it's her birthday. What better motivation than an actual deadline for myself? It's been long overdue, but she truly deserves a blog. I only have a few hours left until the clock strikes midnight since she's in NYC right now, but I think I can make it just in time. Check out the website. It's still a work in progress because I need to run her through it and ask her for hyperlinks and whatever pages she might want to add. Then, I'll compile it and give it to her so she can have her own account.
Lately, my body has been going into this pre-hibernation mode, and whenever I get the chance, I fall into a deep sleep. It's like I'm catching up on all the sleep I've missed. On different note, my baby brother is so smart. He's been borrowing my PS4, and all he has played for quite a while is Injustice. And get this, he's only 4 years old. About to be 5 soon. I can already see him spiraling into a DC obsession. Good for him. The whole day, I was just taking quick naps. I also helped a few friends with their math research. That's pretty much it.

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May 23, 2023

I was on a sleep call with the same friends I usually talk to, and around 4 AM, I heard a very familiar voice and started talking. I could've sworn all I said was complete nonsense, but I remember having a full conversation until I passed out again mid-talk. I still have classes, but all my requirements are completed, so I didn't bother attending. When my day actually started, I went to the doctor again because I am sick. I've been sick since forever. This has lasted from January until now. I just want to get this over with. I'm tired of taking so many pills. I hate that they're always injecting stuff that you can literally see the small scars and incisions on my arms.
My psychological reactance has wired my brain to be the pettiest human being ever.
I played the piano when I got home, slept, and then went out again. I had pepper lunch with my brother. Before the food came, I received a call from my classmates. I had to excuse myself for a bit. Apparently, there was a problem in our research group. I told them to just delete the entire project. I love how I have control over the whole class. You see, if I deleted it, there would be a cascading domino effect, and all of us would fail. Except me, because I'm the only one who understood the task. I genuinely love helping people. The only thing that really gets on my nerves is when others are mean to my friends. It's always so unwarranted. My teacher, who loves me, joined the FaceTime call, and it was funny because I haven't been going to school, so she asked me to give her a 360 view of where I was. My excuse was that I had a doctor's appointment, which I did, but I was near the cinemas, so all they saw were the movie posters and the ticket and popcorn booths. I don't know how my presence helps them find peace in class, but all I do is sleep, so it makes absolutely no sense.

May 22, 2023

I woke up in a state of extreme confusion. I had no plans to attend school, but I was forced against my will again. I arrived super late with no ID, no bag, no uniform, no sleep, no bitches, and literally nothing. I still got in. I think it's because the school security personnel just knew me. Why do I even bother going to school? All I did was take a three-hour nap on the floor with the jackets they offered on top of me. Lunch came, and everyone took their jackets back. I was freezing, so I was forced to get up and do actual activities. I resorted to playing the electric guitar at the back of the classroom. I am in under excruciating pain because of the Dark Reunion. Sigh. I broke down crying again in front of Sirko. I cried because I haven't talked to her in a while and I missed her so much. I finished my math research so I could finally gain my well deserved freedom. We still need to proofread and polish it up a bit so I'm semi-free now. I still find it weird that people come up to me and ask if I can speak my literal native language. That's like asking a cat if it could meow.


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May 21, 2023

My schedule is always full. But somehow, I always manage to double plan on Sundays. I mean, I have my usual review center which is already tiring by itself. Isn't it cool how I can exhaust my brain then go straight to like a full day in the amusement park with my friends? The review center was plain boring I was so sleepy. Math was surprisingly easy. Yesterday, I mentioned that I made Ria a very professional permission letter. She's known for having the strictest parents ever. She's almost never allowed to go out. I managed to convice her parent to let her out to somewhere that's 2 hours away from her home. She's not even allowed (most times) to go to the mall literally a 5 minute walk away from our school. I'm insane. When we got to the said amusement park, our entire body literally melted. We were like in a big big oven. Weather was so uncool. Spoiler alert, it rained so heavily later too. We were an hour or two late to our meet up time. In our defense, we lived like far. When we met up with our friends, we immediately went to every ride ever. We got express tickets so going through a bunch of rides was very achievable. I had lots of fun. My friends are awesome (lil bros). To summarize things, I remember Bokuto dying and giving up after a couple of rides. Tony was being funny but he was super nice. I love Brie. Ria was a lost child disappearing everytime we looked away (even for a second). Wacky was ignoring me. I don't want to write every detail of the day because that would be too much. I held hands with a boy for the first time. Isn't that so cute. Writing that is so cute. I swear little me would've wanted to see that in one of her diary entries. Except I never really kept a diary for as more than 10 pages. I had a car ride with Ria going home (because I had to drop her off) and we got Panda Express. When I got home, since I was like soaking wet from the rides and the rain, I took a pre-shower, slept, ate, then showered again.


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May 20, 2023

Sleep. I deserve sleep. I haven't rested in so long. I slept a lot this morning. I did my post-finals cleaning because trust me, my room after finals could literally be compared to a law firm's file room. I also got my nails done because I don't want to be reminded of my finals self. If that makes any sense. I am a girl in a mall. Imagine the rest. Wacky finished watching Star Wars. Isn't he so perfect? I pray he's not reading this and is just calling a bluff when he says he does. On that same Star Wars note, Tony and I made a pact to buy retractable lightsabers and engage in a duel each time we see each other in the school hallways. So awesome. It could work because the lightsabers are going to be portable. We will keep score on who can catch the other off guard more. So epic. Everybody started getting into Star Wars again, and I've never been prouder. My brother introduced me to this game uncannily similar to Terraria. It's called Starbound and it's so fun. I spent a while on the character customization like I always do. I named myself Phthalein. It;s a purple dye beacuse I'm a purple Novakid. It's a very solid game. I watched Star Wars just for the fun of rewatches. I made Ria a permission letter. I love making documents. I'm actually so good at it. Before the day ended, I played some more Starbound with my brother and his girlfriend. They created a group and we just called there. It was, in a nutshell, basically just my brother babysitting us.

May 19, 2023

I think I did well in all my tests. They were all so easy. Finals have finally concluded, signifying my acquisition of temporary freedom. I say temporary, as I still have college entrance exams right around the corner. Ria and I decided to go get biscoff, which is actually a real post-exam tradition now. We bumped into her little sister at the mall, who loves me so much that she clung to me for like the longest time and refused to let go. Backstory, some time ago, I made a promise to teach her how to draw. So I did. When it was time for me to go, or at least so me and Ria could hang alone, she didn't want to leave my side. Even when Ria kindly offered her iPad for a week, which she declined it. That's a big deal because her sister's an iPad kid. We went to the grocery store after and purchased cat food for Ria's feline companion (a cat, I just like using the word feline). We also got Brie and her little sister sour candy because they asked for it. At the dog cafe, Ria's sister entertained me with a bunch of 3rd-grade gossip. Ria also had her own set of tea to tell. Sadly, I had nothing to contribute, but that's perfectly fine. It's actually a good thing. Brie joined us at the cafe and we talked more for a bit. After Ria left, Brie and I wandered around the mall for a while. She went to like the raincoats section and it was so funny I was on the floor laughing. It was the perfect opportunity to crack a gazillion jokes. We ended up going to the bookstore before leaving. We had a very serious conversation. I am now privy to information I ought not to have known. I went to like yet another deep slumber the moment I got home. I called with Skylar and maybe I'll tone it down. I think his pep talk just saved me.

May 18, 2023

The actual test is scheduled to start later than our usual time, giving us some extra study time. We headed to our usual spot in the library where we typically stay during exams. Since I felt confident in my preparation, I briefly reviewed my notes and glanced through my study materials. I decided not to bother with additional math practice questions. The time came to take the tests, and I'd say all of them went better than I had originally anticipated. But then again, I have test anxiety, so I usually just expect the worst.
I think I aced the math test. I finished it within the first 10-15 minutes, leaving me with an hour and a half to spare. During the test, I noticed an error and told the proctor. I pointed out that they had provided incorrect random variables and the whole table too. I explained the proper way to solve the question and they had to consult the teacher who designed the test. This caused some ruckus, resulting in a semi-noisy room. Taking advantage of the situation, I helped my friends with their tests. The person beside me was so lucky. As for my friend from the other side, she had almost answered all the questions incorrectly. I think she forgot like a crucial step. Good thing I caught it because that would've been horrible. I feel bad for the teacher because I've been bugging him since like every test ever. It's not my fault all of them had errors. At least I know the subjects well enough that I can spot mistakes, you know? I did well in the other tests too. History was definitely a hundred or maybe a single mistake. This is why I study so much. It's the only thing that gives me the reward I deserve each effort I exert. Before I left the campus, I searched for a four leaf clover. I was unsuccessful. Would've been fun if I did find one.
I asked Sine for a spontaneous cafe study session. It's become such a tradition for us to study science in this one particular cafe. Science contained such a long coverage. It's going to be my first time studying all the lessons. I'm not revising at all. It's going to be all new learning. In my defense, our teacher is quite literally gone in every meeting we have with him. We discussed the topics and I think I've got a pretty clear understanding of it. I didn't memorize anything which was insane but somehow I still had confidence in getting a decent grade. By decent I mean high.
I got home and studied some more. Around midnight, I got in a call with Tony, Brie, and Skylar. I continued studying. Near the end of this said studying, they gave me a pep talk. Time was geuinely spent on them just telling me how stupid I am. It was actually funny. I'd say it was even a refresher. The topic was lowkey stressful because I was lost and all I had in mind for the past week was just my studies. Nonetheless, I still love them with all my heart. I also taught Skylar the entirety of science (twice) which gave me such an ego boost. How do I already like know know a bunch of topics I had just learned? I studied for my other test incredibly last minute. I'm hoping I could maybe memorize the rest of it tomorrow before the test starts.

May 17, 2023

I met with the sun early today. Today's going to be a long day. I'm going to be in pure autopilot. The first thing I did after showering and going through my morning routine was finish my summary notes. I physically cannot study without them. I'd get so lost. My system has worked so well without any failures. After that, I cried over my books, which I know is completely random, but just don't question it. I feel very overwhelmed. You'd think it's because finals are literally tomorrow, but you're wrong. I actually think all the subjects we have are relatively easy. I took a power nap and finally started my focused studying. Surprisingly, that was the only nap I took the whole day. Usually I'd take like more than 10 of those 5 minute duration naps spread throughtout the sessions but I didn't. My teachers are doing that weird thing where they add a gazillion new lessons again. I updated my summary notes and went back to memorizing everything cover to cover. I needed caffeine and so I ordered from Starbucks and took like the quickest break. I studied more. Tutored a few people through messages in a few facetimes. I ended up filling my whole door with papers (that are back to back) and it's just such a cool visual. I taught Ria and Brie math beacuse apparently their teachers just didn't. I'd say I did well. The whole day I had my James Scholz and stopwatch set up. I was also streaming it on Discord for my friends because I didn't want to be lonely. My total studying time reached 14:01:13:03. 14 hours worth of pure studying. I pause when I take breaks so that's really a big chunk of my day. Not that studying excessively is anything new for me, but today's time is definitely a new record.

May 16, 2023

On my way to school, the thought of Sirko leaving crossed my mind again. It made me tear up. Our first class was math, which had the test I had spent late hours studying for like the previous night. It wasn't my most satisfying test. Despite my confidence in attaining a commendable grade, the cruel ticking time prevented me from completing the final question, which meant a mistake. Sure, it was only one, but it was still one. To be fair, the test was really testing our time, but that's only an excuse. I'll do better next time.
Ria was sharing with me one of her writing plans and plots, and I implored her to permit my coding skills to bring life into her visions. She admitted that her intention was to seek my aid regardless. Isn't that so cute? I'm like her beta coder.
I'm such an academic weapon. Since it's finals season, people have been asking for my help left and right. I don't mind it. It's not like I'm struggling. I love helping people too.
I played Bitlife with a classmate of mine, and we were having this competition on who'd have the best life. I lost. I don't lose a lot, but this one I really lost deliberately. I was born rich but died poor with a husband that kept on stealing from me. My first mistake was getting a boyfriend.
Curiously, I often arrive at school with a depleted phone battery and a lack of sleep. However, upon returning home, I find myself with 8 hours of completed sleep and a fully charged phone. School is basically a charging mode for me. It's an interlude to my actual personal life that I protect so much.

May 15, 2023

I had my research defense today. Woke up, gave my part a cursory glance, and resolved to improvise during the actual presentation. I did in fact wing it. I did so well. I stuttered a lot at first during the explanation part but I absolutely carried once the panelists started asking questions. Suddenly I was like the mailbox from Gravity Falls that just had the answer to everything. We had this one homework that nobody told me about. It slipped past my radar. My groupmate said he's got it since I already did like every other project there is ever. He ended up not knowing what to do and just passing the responsibility back to me. I hate empty words. I'm sure he meant well at first but, they just show how incompetent they are and it's a very sad sight. I finished that homework up quickly and slept the rest of the day. During lunch time, I cooped myself up in a corner, isolated and away from everyone. I was memorizing stuff for this oral exam I had. Brie helped me. She asked the questions and I'd just blab on. I got my confidence back. Ria told us a very top secret information about her play. When the time came for the oral exam, I volunteered to go first and quickly got my perfect score. I kept on talking even when my timer ran out. My memory is such an awesome thing. I died and fell asleep on the floor again after that. I played the electric guitar for a bit before going home. I dreaded going home. Going home meant that I needed to study again. And I did. I spent 4 hours studying math and accounting. They're both hypothetically easy but insanely tedious. I studied while in a call with my friends who were wacthing Star Wars. That is a hate crime for sure.

May 14, 2023

I have no idea what I've lead my life into but according to my calendar, the last time I took a rest was March 25th. I had my review center first thing and it actually went pretty fast. I got home to study more and edit some projects I still had. Just a few more, I swear. Sirko is making me cry again. I officially got my tickets. She did too. Except hers is a one way flight. She told me she was looking at the receipts she kept in her box (she's very sentimental and I'm only sentimental when it comes to her) of out most perfect dates ever. It just always worked so easily for us. We have our own unspoken rules and what's normally hard for me, she makes it so simple. I'm gonna miss her so much. It's all seeming so real. We'll go to Disney after the Eras Tour concert. She said she'll wait for me and I swear I'll keep my promise and go to her. I studied more until I fell asleep.


I wanna talk about you so bad but I'll keep it encrypted because you did it first.

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May 13, 2023

I had my orthodontist appoinment again. When I got home, I've fully decided on using the rest of my day to study. Except I found myself stuck in the duet bench. This happens way too often. I practiced and played The Great War.
I would like to give my full appreciation once more to Skylar because he has been such a safe space for me lately. I feel bad that he has to read like this series of texts I sent because that's not how I usually am but I badly needed someone to talk to. He's right. I got a lot from the pep talk he gave. I'll make the impact hurt less. Anyway, Sirko and I had this little rant conversation too. I just hate people. I hate that they're giving her such a hard time when she's literally leaving. So soon too. Long story short, I'm sorry that people think we're stealing their friends. Is it our fault we're likeable and you guys aren't?
Having a fixed mindset is so weird. I hate it (hate only in this particular context) when people just say "atleast I tried my best" to justify their mediocrity. It's like this false sense of self-awareness where they criticize but only the good parts of themselves. Like only the parts that could even be considered a compliment to some extent. If that makes sense. I get that people have self-protective mechanisims that makes them inherent blame external factors to avoid taking resposibility one's performance, but having such cognitive dissonance where you purposely align your excuse to perceived limitations is so lame. This isn't directed at anyone, it's just a random shower-thought.
I played with my baby brother outside and blew bubbles while he chased after them. Cute.
No way I Wacky started watching Star Wars because of me. So unreal.


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May 12, 2023

My very elaborate hour-by-hour schedule says that I need my script done by tonight. I did everything besides that. I even fixed my Spotify and made like so many new playlists. Don’t worry, I still did a reasonable amount of progress. While I was on a call with Brie last night, her brother mentioned that my speech was the only one that he remembered. It was the most memorable as I was the only one being honest. I am his favorite friend for Brie. It’s still insane how no family member of a friend has ever hated me. As this was happening, Wacky kept me up all night while Brie still did her school works aggressively typing continuously for like an hour or two after I finished. He was bullying Stephen Hawking so I’ll be the one to apologize. Thank you for sharing with us the knowledge of black holes dying. Too bad you died too. I actually love Stephen Hawking. He has so many appearances in The Big Bang Theory.
I remember having a boots addiction as a kid. It was the only thing I’d wear. That with skater skirts. Looking back, my fashion taste was very questionable. But that never stopped people - even strangers - from complimenting my galaxy leggings. It was in during the times.
This day was meant to be productive but half of it was spent with me just talking to Wacky. 8 hours. More than I've studied. Insane how he has consumed that much of my time when I usually stick to my schedule so strictly.
My dog got sick. My dog is just like me. I feel horrible.


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May 11, 2023

We have our research defense today so all I did the first half of the day was review our paper and modify the powerpoint a bit (by a bit I mean i changed everything because whoever was in charge of it half-assed it - he's my friend though so he was fine with me fixing it). It was cancelled. How horrible. After that I wrote our script for this other filming project we had. We were separated into groups like a week ago and they've been trying to make progress since. I was barely helping because I already had my hands full on other work and I trusted them. I was later informed that the class I didn't attend, where that project was given by, the teacher decided to scratch the whole task and just turn it into a completely different thing. They were set into a state of panic so to relieve them from that, I just wrote the script by myself within an hour and told them to send their videos by tonight so they can get time for finals revision. I practically did an entire group work of progress in an hour. I am so uneccessarily extra. It's fun though because I wrote another very Jack Pop script and their left with no choice but to obey accordingly to the script. I really do have a god complex. I was also working on this other, other project but this time a physical one and it's insane because I was working with hot glue gun. I got distracted by god knows what and I just let it sit there unknowingly burning. I didn't realize until I literally almost stepped on the huge chunk of the hot glue refill that was pooling in the floor. I was in a call with brie while I did my essay and told her I had just realized that I'm really good with punctuations and her reply was so funny. I won't say it because it's just an ego boost. I think it's such a great feat that I have won little quiz bees and so much Kahoots on punctuations. At the end of the day, I couldn't even form proper sentences anymore. I had a solid minute where I was talked to Brie with words gettings intertwined and switched.
I miss Sirko. I hope she's okay. We talked about how we'd work out our friendship because her leaving is actually becoming real. We promised we'd work it out and we scheduled a call time every week. I swear on my life that I'd call her each time I'm getting ready for an event. It's like tradition at this point. And we have this huge obsession with Get Read With Me's too. I fixed my Sirko playlist and I think I'll just enjoy my time with her now while I still can. I'm still seeing her in LA for the Eras Tour. Taylor better play Right Where You Left me or Dorothea. We deserve it.


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May 10, 2023

Wacky, ignore the actual entry and scroll down.

Bokuto and I both had 0 in our screen times. So worth it. We agreed to just share the WLSC title. Everybody else sucks and are internet dwellers. I got a ton of messages when I woke up. Most of them were Instagram mentions and then there were two specific DMs which I found very concerning. Sirko's confession did not go well. Skylar did a lot of stupid stuff but atleast he found closure. I tried my best to take care of both of them. I feel bad. I love them both too much for this. Nothing much happened because I had this huge test and I was focusing on that. The test was rigged. I got my results and it wasn't a perfect score even though it literally said my answers were right. Why was it marked wrong and why can't I be exempted from the final oral exam? I was on a call with Brie and decided to code and update my blog for a bit. I was looping This is What the Drugs Are For by Gracie Abrams and she's sad now too. I'm not really sad. I just love Gracie. I asked her one time earlier to check this piece of code if it was working on her PC and when I sent her the link, she said she already had it on bookmark. Isn't that the cutest thing ever? I love her. Also my brother got me some orange chicken from Panda Express that's so sweet.
I opened my messages and received this link from Wacky. It was a bunch of codes and I had to decrypt it. I know you're reading this. Bro if I didn't know how to code I never would've been able to decrypt that (it was really really simple but still). Okay that brings us to my message.


Hi Wacky :D Here's the reply:





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May 09, 2023

No phones. I had a game plan. I woke up at around 6AM and slept again. I'd say it's really really smart to skip time. I read a book and got until its half way then fell asleep again. In my defense, it was still early in the morning. I did a deep clean of my keyboard and change its keycaps because I'm awesome. Wrote a few things on this notebook. I went out to run some errands and do girl stuff at the mall. You'd think I would've opened my phone because there's no way I'm getting home. I trusted them to pick me up at the right time and they did. I was just testing my luck (I still don't believe in luck... but I like the word, okay). This cinch I got for my dress came at out door and I was genuinely convinced it was never coming. Used up all my luck in one day but it's so worth it. Maybe it's my phone that gives me bad omens. See now I'm just talking gibberish. Time was finally near. The event of the day. I got ready and did my makeup. Went to pick up Sine and Sirko. Tony (the mediator or host or something), said we could ask people to text other people as long as we don't touch the phone. That's what I did. My phone remained with its power off. I was in the same table as Sirko, Rhett, and Skylar. It was a fun night. They even had this pretty known band as their guest thing. The shots were very pure and it tasted horribly. I just did group shots and drank nothing else. My old friends were there too so it was like a fun reunion. Rhett and Skylar decided to give me advice before the party started. They're right. They're always right. I was part of the treasures thing and I think I did well besides the insane amount of laughter each word I said. When the lights were off I was at the mic, I was everywhere besides our table. A guy kind of confessed and took a picture with me. I don't like him. I like someone else. But I think it wasn't anything serious. It was a long but fun night. Until Sirko sent a confession message to her crush. I tried to stop her... I got home and ate cereal and still did my night routine. I'm the cleanest person you'll ever meet no matter how tired or late it is.

May 08, 2023

I noticed that I have been spending a lot of time in Instagram lately and deleted it for a while to prove a point. I made a very spontaneous plan with Sine to hangout at our guest house but it's really just to cheat on this test we had. I asked my dad for the keys and I straight up told him I'm gonna go out to cheat on a test and he replied with "Good job." I had a bit of time on my hands since Sine told me to pick her up after lunch so I slept, study, slept, then studied. I met up with her and got her Popeyes too because I think we've all already established that I'm the best host ever. We cheated and got highest, we hung out for a bit until the whole village had a power outage. It was raining outside but it was really hot inside so we decided to go out. We got picked up sooner enough. I also had a call with Skylar (again) since I needed his advice. What a great dude. It's almost finals week and I really need to get my sht together.
I have another 18th to attend to tomorrow so I got the celebrant a gift. Am I incredibly uncreative or do I just loev Gracie? I bought her a pandora ring then got myself new headphones and keycaps. I never noticed how many friends I actually have. I have another 18th on queue next week. Send help. Turns out I am in very high demand. Random fact but did you know that Ria makes the best food combos ever?
I'm so out of it today. I have been listening to Wacky's playlist. Am I okay? I swear I've read more of his blog posts than I have an actual book this month.
I didn't use my phone that much this day and decided to flex it. This is where things started to escalate terribly. See, I messaged the lil bros gc saying something in the lines of "Suck it, internet dwellers". A very me thing to say. Then Bokuto took it upon himself to challenge me and defends the others. I accepted it after a bit of banter. I wrote a World Less ScreenTime Champion contract. This challenge starts tomorrow. I replied to the email chain and trash talked with Yuan in my last waking (with phone) days until Tony asked me to call. We did. They just bullied me. Hoping for a 0 screen time. Trust.
It's a shame how I'm going to have to move my plan to grind on God of War. I just setted up my ps4 into my pc monitor too. It's the perfect comfort, you know?

May 07, 2023

Had my review center. Our language proficiency teacher was the epitome of perfect. I’m not even kidding. He had this interactive categories game in class and he even gave a Taylor Swift songs prompt. Tell me he isn’t the coolest dude ever? That was going great until the time for out next class came. Chemistry. I never thought I’d ever hate chemistry. I was always good at chemistry. The teacher spoke in gibberish and I gave up trying to listen. I texted with lil bros the whole time.
Unforeseen change of plans. I went to the car and my parents took me to our farm. It’s so pretty there. I have my own library in the house and it’s actually huge. I can put like so much books. I visited out other gazillion dogs who now resides there because we have too much. Then I went to see the ducks and the other pretty animals. I am now one with the ducks. I can’t wait for the aviary to finally be fully constructed. It’s grown from the last time I saw it (I’ve been busy) I’m pretty sure it was just this big empty land before. Now it has like the pathways and a a roundabout thing. It’s all coming together. I went to the coffee shop near our farm and it was so good. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s basically this exclusive artist community place thing. I don’t wanna doxx myself. I wanna stay there forever. I was looping the Evermore album through the speakers and slept on the couch.
I got really emotional by the thought of Sirko leaving in a month. I’m gonna miss her so much. It’ll work. I’ll make it work. Also my mom adopted a new dog. I was playing with it. The dog was like her guard it was so cute. I had a talk with my parents about college and they said they’d let me apply for the schools Sirko is going too. I hope I pass.
Wacky has now read so much of my blog I think he knows me more than I know myself.
I think I’m gonna get sent off soon to become an apprentice for this artist and I’ll be away from home independently isolated. Hopefully that doesn’t get pushed through.

May 06, 2023

Speak Now (Taylor's Version) announcement! No fricking way. Fun fact, my Eras Tour outfit is the Speak Now dress. This is so perfect. I had my dermatologist appointment. Then another early vanish mode (paris) with Sirko. I still appreciate Naur (Sirko, Rhett, and Skylar). The day was very normal and mundane. I was resting. I did a late night soccer practice so I can finally become Bachira and find my monster. I was so tired after that. I slept call with Brie and a while after, I started semi-sleep talking to her. I was talking about this notebook I remember because I was still awake with a dead brain. Comical.

May 05, 2023

My Friday schedule remains the most exhausting thing ever. PE murdered me. Accounting murdered me. I'm praying my teacher didn't notice that one mistake I made. It's a 0 or nothing test. I didn't feel well. I didn't feel well emotionally, mentally, or physically. I cried during club period. I'm such a fraud.
Anyway, I made plans with Table 2 so atleast I can get my mind out of the gutter. It was fun. We had biscoffs! I love them so much for loving biscoffs too. Brie's little crush uh surprised her and her reaction was so epic. It was cute. She was blushing and everything. I was just gullible the whole time and believed eerything so I got confused and my brain was too dumb to process anything that was happening. We were struggling with dividing the group since the escape had head count and we were exceeding by one. Ria left early and although that problem has been fixed, I still would've rather have her stay. We finally started the game and we were so stupid. I was most specially stupid so I think I can say that. I started doing math for nothing. Wacky did math too. Twin for real. We were hard carried. In the end, we completed by 99%. Do you get deja vu? We ate at a Japanese restaurant and I was telling Brie that we should go ditch them (I was kidding). Wait this is funny. I asked Brie to change her clothes in the middle of eating. So she can be like one of those characters from Kitty Powers' Matchmaker where they change clothes and see if people notice. Tony noticed. We went to the arcade then did our own stuff. I'm too lazy to write the details of everything that has happened, so I'm trusing future Cy to remember. Oh I was making fun of this kid that was beside Tony and I got caught through the reflection. Bokuto saw it and him and Tony both called me stupid. I agree. Am I mean? I was just setting up my "never doubted you for a second" joke... When everybody left, Tony, Wacky, and Bokuto started making the empty mall their playground. It was funny. Apparently Rhett saw me. I wish he approached. I needed his help. But if he did I probably would've broken down. At the end of the night, I was messaging Skylar, Rhett, and Sirko. The quick band-aid of happiness disappeared and I was spiralling again. They told me to just always keep my composure. I did. I love them. I love them with all my heart.

May 04, 2023

May the fourth be with you.
I was in a sleep call last night with lil bros and I now know that I am a silent sleeper. Apparently I was completely soundless. I find that weird because I swear I used to sleep walk. To be fair that doesn't even correlate to each other like at all. But I can't possibly not even make like those bed sheet noises. I am late again. Surprisingly, math became a gazillion times easier. I need to switch strands. I belong in Computer Science. I'm already way ahead. Why did I choose this path. I practiced the electric guitar in school and did a mini concert. I have yet to annoy anyone (that I know of). They love me. I got home and went out to the mall to buy some frixion pens. All accounting students are hoarding it. I too. I bought more bows and other stuff. Got Mcdonalds then died.
My parent asked me if I knew the current events as like a mini test. They do that a lot. Luckily for me, we had this thing earlier where in we had to do this article analysis. I knew a lot because I took my sweet old time looking for the perfect article. How did I know so much about the contents of that newspaper and manage to spurt out so much recent events like I watch the news every single day (I don't want to watch the news at all)?

May 03, 2023

I have been getting into slumber a lot earlier than usual. I like that. I did some early piano practice. I learned I know It Won't Work by Gracie Abrams. Only been strictly playing her songs for atleast a month now. My baby brother had his first interview for school. So cute.
My "friends" invited themselves over and the problem is that I really don't like people in my house besides Sirko. It was so forced I was laughing about it with Sirko. We swear they're just clout chasing, I'm sorry. I love them but they're not the type of friend IO'd bring home if that makes sense. I got the house keys to our guest house and told them to go there instead. There is no way I'm letting them go near my actual house. People often forget this weird thing I have with the separation of school people to actual people I like. I just can't let them mix. It's like how I don't like sauce touching my food (usually). I don't know how to explain it but I think I'm just allergic to shallow people. This is probably the meanest I've ever been in this blog. I just generally don't see them as a friend friend. More of a season school friend kind. Anyway, I was still a good host. I booked an order for delivery from this wings place and ate. We have this huge test on Friday so our main goal was to study accounting and do a bunch worksheets. Ultimately, I had none but myself to blame when I did a single worksheet and decided to just not study. We went to the gym after the wings mukbang and another friend came over. We went to the playground because I'm literally a kid. Played badminton then I got thirsty so I called for another delivery. We got drinks from Starbucks and decided it would be so cool if we watched a horor movie. Before we started the movie I balanced my worksheets and was left satisfied. See, this hangout was well spent afterall. We did karaoke and called it a day. Oh and we scared each other the whole time and I'm actually traumatized now.

May 02, 2023

Went to Mykonos and Toscana and strolled around. Took the sea breeze in again. Went around with the golf cart for the last time. Good run for a quick vacation. I went to the airport and got home. The moment I arrived in the car ride home, Ria was messaging me to help her with math. I was dead but I think I did well asnwering her test. I'm so great. I love being a genius. I did all that with my ears ringing and head deteriorating. Someone was looking for me in school since I did attend once again and Sirko saved my life. Context (meowmeow) is really long but if you know, you know.


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May 01, 2023

I reckon this has been the earliest I've slept and woken up this year. Went to the beach early in the morning. I like the sea breeze. It's the kind of air the sits perfectly from the cool ocean to the warm land. It's very comforting. I went feep in the ocean and just cleared my mind until everything turned into nothingness. My baby brother's hermit crabs have multiplied. He now has 3 and an additional baby crab. He's a god to those mere miniature sea creatures. I've trained my baby brother well. Confined within a golf cart, I traced the contours of the island and its very awesome beaches. Basically I just explored it from one end to another. I had my breakfast and texted Sirko. We were not very nice in that conversation. We were on Instagram's vanish mode (paris) feature.
Today's an activity day. I did a few rounds of archery. The said repeated rounds took a toll on my weary arms. My arms are weak. They're dead. That was so fun. I now can say that I embody The Archer. Who could ever leave me, but most importantly, who could stay. The state of my arms did not stop me from going rock climbing after that. The people who were assisting me told me I was the fastest they've seen and I now hold the record there. Isn't that awesome? They even timed me to keep note. Sadly, the place is exclusive and I doubt what I did was any impressive. I just have a light body mass index and an incredibly hyper current condition. Had dinner at Costa. I keep on forgetting to log where I eat. I did eat a lot. Probably every hour. Maybe that's why I had so much energy.
Went to bed early again. I love this place.


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