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March 31, 2023

I have the highest grade in PE too. Not that it's a competition but I really am a jack of all trades while simultaneously being a master of all. It's not something to be proud of but it makes a difference in my final average because those who I'm competing with are 10 final grade points behind me. That's a lot. I was way too active. I didn't have to play since I was already getting a hundred which was the highest possible grade but I wanted additional points since I wanted a perfect raw grade since I was only getting a hundred because I had additional points. I played and ended up playing too much. It came to the point where I was competing with the teacher. Forgive me for being a try hard. If I had the chance to get a perfect grade, I'd get it. The first two hours of this day was so exhausting that I literally did the most to clean up. There was this Taylor Swift musical made by the upper levels and it was a good concept and as much as I want to praise it, it was kind of bad.
The long awaited hang-out. We walked over to uptown and Brie walked so fast me and Ria were quite literally pleading for a quick break (and help). I totally get it. Brie was excited. I was dying but I was excited too. I took like a 2 hour nap earlier (it's not enough). We came inside the mall and met up with Tony and Wacky in the dog cafe - where the biscoff's at. They liked it! I think they did... I hope they did. It was nice. We talked about random stuff. We were far from awkward. That's good. Ria had to leave early but we still continued with our original itinerary. I was scared at the start of the excape room because we were separated but it was alright. It wasn't helping that Wacky kept on scaring me throughout it too and as someone jumpy, I fell for all of it. We were actually so good. It was satisfying opening locks after locks. We almost completed it. We finished at 99% which is lowkey depressing but also it wasn't too bad knowing the only problem why we didn't get to finish it was because we were blind. Like seriously blind not in a looking for clues way; blind in a there was an object given at the box we opened that we completely all overlooked because we didn't see it. How could we have missed it? I have no idea. We could've actually solved it so that's all that matters. I had so much fun. We had dinner afterwards at Shakeys and I swear we're the most chaotic bunch. That went on until Brie had to go. We decided to go to the arcade and play a bit. We did one of those punching thingy and I discovered I did not know how to punch. It was so bad that the machine didn't detect my punch so there was still an attempt left. When I finally did it right, I got my score and surprisingly, it was the same score as the other two got. It was rigged, yes. Another strength game we tried was that hammer game. Everybody did well. When I had my turn, Wacky handed me the hammer and as if I were in an animated film, it dropped so hard to the ground like I was an unworthy beholder of the hammer. In my defense, Wacky made it look light, so I wasn't expecting any weight. I had to leave and they dropped me off. We played a bit of Minecraft when we all got home like we didn't just spend half the day together. We watched the 1 hour video of the crying dude who was definitely something and went over the lore of that for Brie. I fell asleep.

March 30, 2023

I love being a girl. I love doing the absolute most for the subtlest details. High Statistics midterms result. Nothing much happened. Our class picture day was moved since we only had a few attendees. Basically free time. We had another event in school. I swear they're just making stuff up now at this point. Slept in school and slept after school. There's this little thing where people I know have been finding my lifeless body passed out on the floor. It's crazy how I'm a germaphobe but my sleep has no limitations. I can fall asleep anywhere. I'll wake up to people I know tagging me to an extremely zoomed in picture in their stories captioned with "dead body". It's funny. I like it. It's like a cool game. Excited for tomorrow.

March 29, 2023

Had my orthodontist appointment. Did my nails and watched The Big Bang Theory. Haven't had time to myself for quite some time. Lots of sleeping. I'm pretty much dead. I can no longer control my exhaustion. I exerted so much energy that my body is still making up for it. Called with the Ploopy people again. Cool.

March 28, 2023

Late again. We had our robotics and I swear I'm seriously drastically better than aeveryone else. I finished within like the first 10 minutes of class. I now have the ability and advantage of dismissing my group as early as possible. I was with Brie during recess and we had a fun chat. I caught her up with recent events. We had a seminar we had to attend and I slept through it. They gave us post-it notes in the beginning of the talk but it was pretty useless. They asked us to make hearts so I did. I got a guy giving me their post-it beacuse he knew I knew I could do the origami heart. I did it. He placed it at the back of his phone case. That's so cute.
Biscoff again. I went out uptown same place same time after school as usual. I found my comfort necklace! It's this blue glass heart thing. It's so perfect. I ate wings with some friends since we deserved it. The results of our tests were really high.
I played VR Chat with lil bros. Old friends. Ploopy with a couple of new aditional people. I had fun. Suepr cool.

March 27, 2023

I would like to watch The Sound of Music again. I deliberately chose to attend school at a later time today. School hasn't been particularly engaging. My friend Ria and I were fangirling over the play we had watched in the weekends and discussed its greatness. What happened Sunday was all I could talk about. We attempted to find other students from our school who had seen it, but unfortunately, we only found one other person. During the first few subjects in class, I found myself dozing off. However, I was able to enjoy a generous two-hour uninterrupted nap. On a different note, the research paper that I've been working on has ended up being 74 pages long. Sadly, it was all in vain since our teacher, who wasn't even our research teacher, was overly strict and marked up every page of our paper with red ink. He even went as far as to explain the stages of grief in his notes. Although I tried to defend my work, I later discovered that the teacher had the same negative criticism for every student's paper. I guess he has some strange complex. I got my grades back and most of them were good. I no longer care as much because of this one teacher who gives grades that are unjust. I have stopped trying. Had my first after school nap after a while. I missed that. I've been playing Valorant again. That's cool but I don't think I'll ever get into it seriously like before.

March 26, 2023

Most epic day. I don't think I can articulate this day as much. This memory is too great to be told that I fear I might butcher it if I told of it. I'll try my best. The day started off with me finishing my resaerch paper. Yes, tedious work as I internally freak out anticipating the future event. Nope. I can't write about it so I'll just write down some of the bullet points objectively. Sound of Music. I met up with Wacky and Tony. Everything went smoothly. It was also my first time meeting Wacky and surprisingly, there was no single awkward silence. Honestly the coolest dude like ever. He was my seatmate and Tony was with his family. Act 1 was super awesome. Like it was actually so good. The musical is iconic okay. I loved it so much. I'm just like Brigitta - I'm delusional. Okay, but actually, the whole cast did so well. I enjoyed every second of it and I lowkey wanted to cry when Maria left. I wanna be Maria. Maria is so cool. I'm actually in love with her. The intermission came and I talked with Wacky. I made him sign an impromptu contract because he's already watched the musical from a previous date and there's no way I'm letting him spoil it. It was a precautionary contract. I swear I'll carry this memory forever. I can't even begin to think about the post-show depression I'll experience once this is over. Act 2. I could see why Ria and Wacky both adored this more than the first act. They were both really good, okay. Once more, I almost cried. I've never seen bigger Swastika flags. It made things better knowing this was based on real people. The play ended and we took pictures of course. We live in the 21st century after all (is what I always say). Ate dinner with Tony's family and they were so nice. Wacky performed a card trick for me. It was so awesome. I'm overusing the word awesome but it really was awesome. Midway the trick we had to switch restaurants and as if the trick wasn't already impressive enough, I found the card in a table in the next restaurant we went to and when I flipped it, it was my card! I hope he never sees this but I swear he's so cool. They were all so nice. I went home and rested. Not really rest actually. I skimmed through the research paper I've been working on and revised and edited it. More proofreading until I eventually passed out. Epic day.

March 25, 2023

I am extremely sleep deprived and so I am making up for the hours of slept I lost. I am tempted to prick my dainty fingers and fall into a deep deep sleep. I've been listening to Eminem again! I used to be such a stan. Brings back a lot of memories of me listening to those slowed down lyric videos just so I could memorize the rap parts.
Played with Valorant with lil bros and I'm actually so excited for The Sound of Music tomorrow I could hardly contain it.

March 24, 2023

I have so many cuts on my fingers. I won in Kahoot again because I never once lost in class. God Cy Imagine Losing reigns. Our first subject was PE and so I obviously did every sport ever because I'm great and am a grade hog. I'm tired. All the other classes were mostly free time.
Book club day! To feed my biscoff addiction, and those I have influenced with this addiction, we went to the dog cafe that offers the ever so lovely biscoff. We talked about a lot of stuff. Again, it's easy when I'm with them. One of out topics circulated on this one teacher we had/have. She's the absolute worse that's for sure. As if being a bad teacher was horrible enough, she's also the biggest hypocrite ever. I had spicy buffalo wings and from it I give you the quote of the day: "I'm not crying because I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying beacuse these buffalo wings are so spicy." - it was.
Ria had to leave early and so Sirko and Brie helped me pick out an outfit for the musical play I'll be attending. I do this for most events. Sirko then left shortly after. I took Brie to the Lego store to look at some new stocks. I sadly did not get anything. I went to the bookstore with Brie since it was my comfort place and Brie then left. I waited for my other friend since I was dropping her off. Bought some yogurt for my mom.
I went home only to call with the same group of friends I was in a call with yesterday. I read them the Bee Movie script while they tormented in their own procrastinating hands. They must endure the consequences of doing projects at the last minute and I must give them my best moral support.

March 23, 2023

I was crying over Sirko yesterday and it was asuch a weird coincidence when I found it she also cried. She told me she missed me like how I had missed her. I don't check my messages so when I did I found out she was going through the same thing. We haven't talked in a while and now we're both experiencing a withdrawal from being apart each other. We decided to call it the Will (inside joke) Withdrawal. It's easy when I'm with my book club. They make it so easy.

March 22, 2023

Had to pass up on firing because I am chained down my bedroom desk writing a gazillion pages for my research. Life sucks.
I haven't cried in so long. My tears have been sealed up and tucked quietly inside my drawers. Today I had encountered something that pulled on my heart strings and snapped it. I started this new notebook as a form of medium to release my emotions on. I realize that I no longer have a shoulder to cry on. I can't talk to anyone. I've lost the person that I would always share all my achievements with. It's all flooding and I wish no briefly unexist. Whatever happened to the perfect life I always pretend I have? I binge ate Shakeys because I was sad. I quickly agreed to forget about all I wrote and continue on with my life.
In a late night call with other friends while they did their project until I fell asleep. I politelyu asked them to disconnect me but they neer did and I find it cute how one of them actually continued accompanying me. Atleast I wasn't alone.

March 21, 2023

No longer frantic about attending school on time. Fell asleep in class. Like another deep sleep. Did another side quest with Ria. This time we encountered this wandering NPC who appeared as thought they were lost in their path. Nothing much special today.

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March 20, 2023

Me and my brother decided that we didn't care if we got to school late today, so we just took our time and went out later than our already late usual schedule. I hate being late, but I swear school starts too early. Continuing on, it was weird because we actually made it on time. It's ironic how when we were purposely being late, suddenly the lanes cleared up. I slept for 2 hours on the classroom floor once more. I'm always in the weirdest places laid down like a corpse. It's like I can't even function properly during the day. I've been ignoring this one dude who constantly calls my name out in the hallways, as if he doesn't bad mouth me all the time. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of getting to tell people I even know him.
Something I will never drink again: school strawberry milk. I know I claimed this drink a while back... However, the last time I tried it, I'm pretty sure I got an expired one. And this time, I dropped the straw. Yes, that was on me. But regardless, too many bad experiences with it. It's not worth the risk. Me and Ria came up with a new "side quest" concept where we would help people and do their small tedious tasks for them. We got Brie food and water.

March 19, 2023

I was on a Facetime with Sirko when I got a bit emotional because of my inability to process that I'd actually be going on one of her LA tour dates with my bestfriend. The day was undemanding. Each tick of the clock went on for what seemed like forever. I did like a 3 page long narrative essay, an 8 pages long argumentative essay, and another 3 more for descriptive. I picked out a painting an recreated it through photography. Went out for dinner (we had Thai). On our way back, I finally picked my cosplay up that has been sitting in the mail. I have one more project left and I can finally rest.

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March 18, 2023

I attended a wedding. Still not a big fan of that tradition. That's fine though. I somehow found the part wherein I had to listen to the newly wed's love story origin funny. I went home and decided to play a bit of soccer. My head was already hurting as I've yet to rest after the torture I had put myself the whole midterms week, then my brother decided to teach me how to head a ball in soccer. Such a painful experience. I still have a few remaining school works to finish but I can manage that some other time.
Taylor did her first Eras Tour date.

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March 17, 2023

Easy. Midterms were easy. Or at least, the one that I thought was going to be a easy turned out to be a nightmare. And the one that I thought was going to be difficult was actually quite manageable. I can finally take a breather.
Went uptown with friends just to relieve us from the stress of midterms. Biscoff. My cousing form Japan visited us. That's cool.
There's this one dude who sent me this IG reel and it was about whether or not I was worth pursuing because I was that dry. I can't reply. I'm too busy studying. I forgot I was a leader in some school projects and actually fell asleep early instead of doign extra work.

March 16, 2023

See from how comically dramatic I have been this past week, you'd think that I'd be studying first thing after exams right... Well, no. I got tickets with Wacky for the musical we've been anticipating. Well, he has already watched it but it's just that good! We had some trouble securing the tickets... As the most indecisive twins, we simply were unable to decide which seats to get. It was fun though. Really really awesome experience. Wacky is an actual cool person.
So, you might wonder, how did you do on your tests? It actually went better than I thought. I didn't study for Statistics and it was so easy I'm expecting a perfect grade. Actually, not so perfect... but atleast close to it. Science was so easy. Everything I studied for was in the paper.
New study technique: Stand up when I feel sleepy. Another teacher added like 40 book pages more for the test. Very unepic. Manageable.

March 15, 2023

Tomorrow looms ahead of me, heavy with the weight of impending midterms. 2 of my teachers, randomly decidided to add 8 pages, and another set of 16 pages worth of new condensed material for us to study. That's more that what we've learned for the whole term. All in the span of less than a few hours before midterms. I cannot possibly learn all this new information. The first teacher hosted this Zoom meeting so he could do like a quick crash course. I fell asleep since he was practically whispering it. I went out to the same cafe I did yesterday with Sine and another friend and we stayed for another 10 hours or so. It was a very stressful time. Midway through studying, I accepted that all I could do was try my best because I physically could not memorize everything. I did everything I could. My dad picked me up and on the car ride way back, tears started falling down. I sobbed and my dad comforted me. He told me he was proud. He told me he knew how hard I was studying and if I was struggling, my classmates would be too... therefore a curve will occur.
As I continued crying, I received a message. Brie told me thank you and that she loves me. She said she felt more studious because of me. She started studying like how I do it. She told me it was effective. That made me cry so hard. I was giving up but I didn't notice how I've been helping in motivating those who surround me. I haven't eaten in to long because I've been too busy. I don't eat much in default but it gets so exponentially worse during midterms and finals season. I got this.

March 14, 2023

Plethora of tests. I did well. I am proud of myself. When the clock struck noon, I made my way to my group's usual spot and I fell asleep on the staircase. I apparently looked like a dead body. I got messages from my friends asking if it were me. I am tired.
I cannot afford rest. After class, I went to a cafe with Sine to study (for 10 hours) and the day just seemed to stretch on endlessly. I need to study for I am the only one to be held on accountable for the results of my upcoming midterm tests.

March 13, 2023

They released the new real retractable lightsaber. I got the news from Tony. I didn't sleep as well as I had hoped. I am experiencing horrible fatigue. Today was a long and arduous day. I had to undergo a series of tests, all of which I performed well in. Yet, despite my success, I cannot help but feel as though something is amiss. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep that is affecting me. Or maybe it is the nagging feeling that I am not living up to my full potential.
Tony came to notify that he had tried my very epic biscoff drink recommendation. He said it was really good and approves of it. I have once again accomplished my duty. I fell asleep because I couldn't study anymore.

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March 12, 2023

Every few time increments in my study sessions, I sleep. Whenever I wake up, I feel the most painful, gut wrenching pain ever. It's a struggle because I need to sleep in between or else I wouldn't retain any information. I need a way to fix this.
It's my grandma's 87th birthday today and I want to miss it because I need to study. I've always been detached from my family. I searched up my emotionally distressing symptom on Google (my bestfriend) on why I feel so indifferent towards my family then I came across this metaphor about a piggy bank. I admit, it's a very lame thing to analogize however, it makes perfect sense. Basically, love for your family is like a piggy bank. Each time they give you love, you get a coin. Each time they berate you, you lose a coin. SO if you're looking at your piggy bank empty, that's ebcause they took more than they deposited. So their absence made me indifferent.
I ended up going to the party. I isolated myself in a room and studied. Atleast I showed up.
My parents actually raised me quite well. I have this very vivid memory of my elementary teacher I once had asking our class if we came from rich families (it's messed up, I know), andI didn't really know what t o answer. I went home that day and asked my mom if we were rich. She responded with "We're rich with love". I think that moment kept me a humble person. I go to a private school and have all the luxury. The fact that my mom didn't tell our financial state back when I was a child makes me feel good. I got to have a proper childhood in a way.
A big chunck of my childhood was Growtopia. I remember waking up everyday jsut to play it. I have memories that makes it seem like I actually lived there. That's pretty awesome. I don't regret it. I think about this now because my oldest childhood friend (online but still oldest), liked a photo I posted on my stories (I never post on my main). I got a girl who I realy admired because she's so pretty calling me pretty too. That was a cute interaction.
My original plan was to study immediately when I get home. I ended up textng guys I had 0 interest in. I'm not leading anyone on, I made it clear I don't like them.

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March 11, 2023

I met out with Sirko to study. We originally wanted to stay in Starbucks but it was so full that we had to move over to Krispy Kreme. I did a quick skim through my other subjects then focused more on Statistics. Sirko needed my helps so we did a bunch of practices. She pulled out one of her test papers and I told her it had an error. As two very annoying people who torments their teacher every chance we could get, we messaged them and ended up getting her deserved score. Oh she brought a disposable camera with her. We took pictures. Her sister was there and her boy bestfriend. We kind of thirdwheel-ed it. No detailed story can explain how comfortable I feel around Sirko.
I Dare You - The Regrettes. I posted like the best photos I've possibly ever taken of myself. Yeah.

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March 10, 2023

Spent the first half of my morning filming a piano cover and then editing it on iMovie so I could add those captions things. I find it funny. I Facetimed with Sirko for the whole day again. I think I am greatly attached to her. There was this scissors that randomly appeared in my desk. I reached out to it and the next thing I knew was that I had bangs. See, in my defense, Sirko was enabling me. We were productive the whole day. I'm saying I was too because I helped her in her resaerch. I love writing stuff for resaerch so much. I did other progresses on my other projects too so I guess that counts. Back to me cutting my hair, I freaked out at the time of the thing but I slowly acquired the taste and now I actually think it looks good.

March 09, 2023

Regrettably not as productive as I wanted to be. I am writing this Sirko journal because it recently just hit me. I learned Fight or Flight in the piano because this day had no single agenda. Played with Ploopy once again. Whenever I play with them, all the senses of comfort I once had in the old times we spent together comes back. I think that's awesome. I played Valorant with them and it was actually fun. I don't really play that game anymore so I know how badly I did. Good thing they didn't get mad because I could've sworn I acted like I was trolling; I wasn't trolling. Then we played volleyball in Roblox. That was also great.
The last call lasted until like really late at night and you'd think I would've went to sleep after that... but no. I got it into another call and I played chess with a friend. I don't know how he could even put up with me but he could and he did.

March 08, 2023

I am once again found inside a hospital. I got my stuff checked out. I am sick. They offered some pill but I knew the side-effects of those pills. I refuse to take them. I went home and finally decided on a cosplay. I bought my Inosuke (gender bent) and it should arrive in about a week's time. I did some more coding. I audiobooked a new book and it Oedipus Rex by Sophacles. The plot was very interesting. About this dude who had a prophecy of him killing his dad and marrying her mom. He couldn't go against his fate in the end. It was weird. But aren't all Greek stories weird. The theme of it was on free will and fate. Now that I'm thinking about it, didn't Sigmund Freud make this theory called Oedipus Complex? I made a Lego gun and wanted to install some Arduino into it. I ended up not doing that because the time contrains all my desires. Instead of Facetiming with Sirko as per usual, I was actually with another group of friends.
Exaclty like me (this is very out of context).

March 07, 2023

I studied the whole day. I still have it in me. I Monkeytyped in the middle of my study sessions. My current goal is to reach 150wpm. I can only do only around 110wpm. I Facetimes with Sirko the whole day and skipped classes while making an 8x8 LED Matrix with arduino. I gave up on that one then just started a new project with LCDs. I used the LCD1602 with I2C module for Arduino.
I really appreciate the recent daily calls I've been having with Sirko. I like it when she updates me on the most trivial stuff like her new Skims dress arriving in the mail or what not. I think it's very wholesome.

March 06, 2023

In school classes were suspended insteaad we were forced to attend an online one. I tried studying at home. I need to study. I am distracted and this is not the best scenario. I slept throughout the whole afternoon. I am sick. I had 2 people confessing to me today. The recent events has never been what I had anticipated. An eventful week but not in a good way. It is all very sudden and all I want is my time back. I don't get how they could like me when they barely even know me. Too bad. I do not wish to associate with them in any way shape or form.

March 05, 2023

This one dude was messaging me until like 3AM. All I wanted was sleep. I woke up to more DMs from random guys. I do not wish to receive them. This made me realize I really only like one person. I want Steven! I went to a Thai resto and their food was good. Today was jsut me replying to messages when I didn't really ask for them. This was an ego boost but at the same time a new tedious job. The only people I genuinely want to talk to are those in my reconcs6 account. I love them wholly.

March 04, 2023

Another orthodontist appoinment. I came with my baby brother and apparently his teeth was too clean. Like too white. I wish I had his problem. I've been doing magic tricks for my baby brother too and he's completely eating up everything I do. I like that I'm the one who got him to believe in magic. It was fun for a solid few hours until I ran out of tricks and he started demanding for more. It's nice to hear him absolutely lose it and laugh so much. I now understand why Howard Wolowitz loves magic so much. I mean I've always loevd it too but I never really had an audience.
Called Brie on Facetime while I got ready for the party. I got a of attention in social media because I posted something. I enjoy attention and compliments. They're shallow but... I'll take it. I ran late and Brie did too somehow. Ria ran later though. I got closure with this one dude that I thought hated me. He never actually did hate me I just like overthinking and putting my expectation low for every person I meet. It's smart because then I'd try my best to always try to please them and I end up becoming the nicest person ever. The dude called my name a lot and it felt like a lift off my shoulder knowing he's actually chill with me. This is platonic by the way... I need to clarify that because he's one of those really cool people you'd meet in a life time. I met many people. My other friend didn't like that a few dudes were hitting on me. I didn't like it either. They are stupid. I vomitted from drinking so much water because I didn't like that I drank alcohol. I wanted to flush it out of my system because I was really only pretending in the party. This much socialiaztion will definitely drain me for a week or two.

March 03, 2023

I also aced PE. I broke my nail so that was terrible. I don't get how I can be so athletic when I'm literally weak and scrawnny. It's insane how I can do good at everything I do. I still practice but I swear I don't get how other people just can't put enough trust on themselves. I trust myself so much in being able to achieve everything that it's actually starting to personify. Sirko was sick so she didn't come to school today. A package I did order came in her house (I have way too many packages home...) and her sister gave it to me during her free period. Ria was very hysterical. Kind of like how I get whenever I got a bad grade on an assignment. She had boy problems.
Me, Brie, and Ria decided to go and hunt for a gift for this dude who invited us to his party. I already had a gift so I really was just tagging a long. It wasn't long until I decided I needed new clothes too. I made both of them try out my drink (Biscoff) and they couldn't even deny how good it was. After Brie had left, I ate at KFC with Ria and used a fork to eat soup. Overall an awesome day.

March 02, 2023

I finished some projects within a short span of time and I find satisfaction in being better than everybody else. A friend of mine once more listed all the stuff I'm great at and they told me they always wonder "What can't Cy do?". It's awesome how I present myself so well. Obviously I acknowledge that I'm not the best at everything. It still does take a great feat in making sure I am a very well-rounded individual. I'm glad people notice and point it out.
Here's a very unnecessary information: Ria gave me a plastic fork.

March 01, 2023

Distance has gone between me and Sirko. The fates have been separating us! We decided to Facetime the whole day to catch up. I also needed someone to accompany while I was studying so there's that. I started studying the moment I got up and showered. It was bird chirping early. I have this huge test (every test is huge for me, to be fair) coming up tomorrow so I really had to get my stuff together. Around 12 noon, I remembered I needed to line up on TicketMaster for this Anime Cosplay Convention tickets. I was 7 minutes late because even though I waited early, it sooner or later slipped my mind and became too absored in my studies. I ate Popeyes and it's surprising because I rarely eat real food whenever I'm studying. Maybe I wasn't studying as much as I wanted to. I consumed an hour for my cosplans. The day went on with Sirko and my study time. 12 sessions for 8 hours of studying. With James Scholz once more and I just have to say, this dude is saving me so much.