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October 31, 2023

Happy Halloween! It's a cold morning. My cheeks and the tip of my nose are absolutely flushed. I like it. I have pink and blue temporary hair color spray on my hands. Now, you might wonder... why? Well, I got up early and decided to make my morning outfit inspired by Harley Quinn. It's a subtly referenced outfit that can be worn daily, but if you know, you know. I wanted to keep the Halloween spirit since obviously, I can't exactly be seen around in broad daylight wearing a full-on costume. The actual Halloween costume will obviously be worn tonight. I braided my hair and split-dyed it pink and blue. My baby brother wanted to try it too, so I sprayed his hair blue. He looked so cool, it was spiked up too. Then I went for a short morning walk while everybody else was getting ready. Then I went for a short morning walk while everybody else was getting ready.
Today's itinerary involved visiting temples. I have great knowledge of trains, not particularly stressful, but sometimes you have to ask. So I did what any normal human would do—I had an inquiry, therefore I asked a train staff. I used my mastery in Duolingo Japanese and asked: すみません、浅草はどこですか. That is so not impressive, but I love using my very limited Japanese whenever I can. I still struggle to speak it, but I can understand a lot of words; I'm just a bit rusty. How can I not? I've been going to Japan yearly since I was a kid, and literally, half my family lives there. For the record, I do study by book (I usually just give up after a few lessons). I used my Suica card and just led the way. I honestly have no idea how I know this because certain lines don't exactly lead where you want to go, and you need specific routes, but I can work my way around it. We arrived at Asakusa using the Tokyo Metro Ginza Line. I like taking direct train lines, but does anyone care or even notice?
We got there and entered one of the shopping streets. Our goal was to visit the Sensoji Temple. But before that, we had a meal. My brother and I separated from our parents to eat at McDonald's while they took their time deciding where they wanted to eat. Eventually, I joined my parents, and they were at this self-cook restaurant. I had the biggest fire ever, not a good thing. Even when I turned off my gas, it was still burning. I could've sworn the fire was a millimeter away from burning the table along with it. After eating, we walked some more and found this playground. My baby brother was ecstatic. I love Japanese playgrounds. It's like they really don't care much for their children's health. And that's a good thing. They had the tallest jungle gym ever, all made out of metal. I think it makes kids a little stronger. I climbed it too; I'm just a kid, not even an adult yet. I tried the monkey bars and got humbled pretty quickly. All I can do now is look back at my glory days when monkey bars were like my own domain. My baby brother played for quite some time while my mom looked at other shops. I waited at the swing and just took in the environment. When we finally convinced my baby brother to leave the playground, we arrived at the Sensoji Temple. My dad was performing various traditional practices, and I tried it with the smoke thing just out of respect. I walked around and played with my baby brother. The temple was pretty cool, and the people also had their kimonos on, so that was cool too.
We went back to the train station and decided to visit Shimokitizawa. It's really near Shibuya, so why not? This district is specifically known for its thrift shops. It had a good mix of just about every good ever. We couldn't explore it as much and only skimmed the surface since we still had to go back for Shibuya Halloween. My brother and I were left alone to roam around, and he got himself a lot of pieces. I bought a few too. We had several small talks with the people there. They're all so cool. I love cool people so much. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant, and though there was still air, which wasn't the greatest, my brother and I chose to ignore it.
?Now, for the actual Halloween celebration. Although Halloween is cancelled, every single street was still filled with people wearing their best costumes. My baby brother wore his skeleton costume, probably the only child wandering the streets at night. I also put some fake blood on him. See, the thing that's different here is that Halloween is more adult-based compared to Halloween in the US, for example. On that note, I think Trunk or Treats suck. It's safer, but since when was everything so dangerous? I think door-to-door Trick or Treating is still extremely superior. I wore my Halloween costume, a police costume, which was funny because there were police officers everywhere. As I've mentioned in my October 28, 2023 entry, there's a Halloween ban here. Probably hundreds of police were scattered with megaphones trying to maintain order, and I remember one of them distinctly; he was struggling. He didn't have a voice but was still doing his job. I felt bad. We saw thousands of costumes, all unique in their own ways. My brother was Toji Fushiguro, and we were on the lookout for some Jujutsu Kaisen cosplayers. We did find some, and he had people of his same taking pictures with him; it was a great experience. There was this one weird dude who was following me and telling me I was cool like かっこういい or cute かわいい, and we came across each other so many times. It was so weird. I appreciated the compliments, though. There was this other pretty old dude who straight up just held a camera and got a picture of me alone. I did a thumbs up and a weirded-out smile. I'm hoping that was just some normal interaction. But, to be completely honest, I was not wearing anything unique. I had literal duplicates, and the only thing that sets me apart from everyone else is that I look young. I'm 17 and I'm literally 4'11. To get a better image of this blog entry, just search up how the streets are like during Halloween in Shibuya. Everything was cool, and we did dozens of laps. We did that for quite some time, and we were literally coming across familiar faces. Before going back home, we ate ramen at our spot. Oh, and I'm pretty sure it was 30 minutes in when we dropped back my baby brother, so my brother, the cousin I was with, and I could walk around. Our hotel is located right before the alley where the midnight party was happening. Parties weren't allowed until October 31. It was past midnight, and the cool people were there. We checked it out; the cars and their basses were going insane. The party queues were long, and some side shops had girls inviting guys out. I tapped out. I was not fooling anyone. I literally heard one of the people behind me asking how old I was. I understand basic Japanese; I double-checked it too. But in the end, I went back to the hotel.

October 30, 2023

I walked the short distance to Family Mart and grabbed myself a couple of food items to start the day. I got some drinks and string cheese for my backpack snack. The weather here is always the absolute hallmark of perfection. It feels nice waking up to a white sky. The temperature isn't harsh; the sun only serves as an overhead light, perfectly muted down by the clouds, and I feel so peaceful. I find locations pretty easy to memorize. I was the navigator today (as I typically am). I'm literally a walking Google Maps. They told me a couple of the stores they wanted to visit, and I made myself a mental mind map. We visited a bunch of shops. To name a few, I remember our first stop was Muji. I didn't really get anything. I've matured a lot. I used to get every stationery piece I'd lay my eyes on. We also went to that one Bathing Ape district. I used to dress in a very street fashion way a few years back, but I grew out of it. I pretty much just sat at a corner while they browsed around. We went to this Disney Store, and it had a bunch of floors. My baby brother was running around, and I just chased after him. We also did clothing shops like Zara and pretty much every other store that caught our attention. My baby bro was an absolute menace in the streets. He had bought this one extremely realistic toy fish that he would drop randomly, and he'd watch passersby get scared or shocked from his tiny prank. He got a lot of reactions. This was all early in the morning. My dad and brother finally arrived from the airport. They went straight to our hotel, and we had to meet up with them. We ate at our usual ramen spot, and I toured them around. It was getting dark, and literally everybody had their energies drained out so they went back to the hotel. Not me. I told my brother we should go buy stuff before all the stores close down. We went to GU and got some basics; he also bought stuff for his Halloween costume tomorrow. I visited Loft and got myself a few fountain pen items, then I checked out a few more stores.

October 29, 2023

Mount Fuji is divided into 10 stations (steps). It was snowing around the 5th station, but we were sadly not allowed to go any further because the 2023 Climbing Season (5th station to the summit) is over. On the car ride there, we went to a stopover by EXPASA Dangozaka, and I swear it's like deja vu. We always go here whenever we visit Fuji San. I wasn't equipped with any form of warm clothing because I was very convinced that the temperature wasn't that bad. I forgot to take into account the wind temperature factor of the windchill. The road up the mountain was so great. My aunt told us a bunch of stories about hikers and the signs scattered around that said "beware of bears." We had a few stopovers to look at the trees, and they're so colorful I'm obsessed. We came across those asphalt musical roads. Apparently, a dude named Shizuo Shinoda discovered it by accident, and now it's this whole entire music system. It's so cool. Reaching midway of Fuji San (since the road is closed after that), I got off the car and realized it might've been colder than what I was anticipating. It was bearable though. I can't emphasize my love for the trees here enough. But it was so pretty. My baby brother was freezing cold too. It was so fun even for the short while that we were there. My mom bought some souvenirs, and I just used that chance to warm up indoors. I would've eaten ice cream, but I haven't had breakfast yet, and eating something cold and sweet the first thing didn't sit right with me. I got myself some hotdog instead. We went to Yamanaka to eat, and I felt the biggest relief ever when I saw the fireplace inside. I took a quick walk while they waited for the restaurant queue, and my hands were so cold and red. I was so sleepy. I felt like an animal with the first instinct to hibernate at the moment of coldness. Since we were already by the Yamanaka Lake (Yamanakako), we decided to feed some swans and ducks. There was this other fish that I think were either catfishes or black kois (I'm not a fish expert, so don't come at me for this). Feeding swans half my size was the absolute best thing ever. Regardless of the fact that they were trying to bite off my hands, it was so fun. I love animals so much. I know we visited this other Donki somewhere and I got semi-lost. I knew how to go back, they just didn't know how to find me. I saw a double rainbow which makes this day extra great and lucky. We then went to Fuji-Q Highland. It was very spontaneous, but we got our tickets and entered the theme park. I recognized a lot of characters, but the main reason we went here was for the Naruto × Boruto Fuji Hidden Leaf Village. I literally met Shikamaru (the love of my life). I wanted to try out the roller coasters since they looked a lot more dangerous than the Incredicoaster in California, but I had no one to accompany me, and the wait line was relatively long. They had a lot of options for the coasters too. I would've so loved riding all of them. There was this haunted house that I think is one of the scariest ones in the history of horror attractions. I didn't go though. We had a very limited time because I was with adults, and they just wanted to see around. They had this golden water attraction that looked cool too. I wish I could've ridden literally any of the rides. I love the thrill of near-death experiences so much. Before we left, there was this colored pathway to Thomas' Land that my baby brother followed (I taught him the destination of each of the colored stripes). He was so happy. Context, my baby brother has the entire Thomas and Friends collection. And I'm not even exaggerating when I say he has the whole collection. He was running everywhere asking me to take pictures of him with the trains; it was so funny. We also met up with one of my cousins who lived nearby and just said hi. Before leaving, we got a few snacks from another quick service area stopover place. The day hasn't ended yet; we took our long road way back to Shibuya, and again, as a restless teenager, I went out to eat dinner at our usual ramen spot, then bought my Halloween costume at Donki. And a few other stuff too.

October 28, 2023

I have a flight in a few hours. Planes are weird. How do they carry the weight of themselves? I'm asking this question knowing full well the answer to it because I'm smart and know a lot of stupid facts. Since it bothers me leaving even rhetorical questions unanswered, airplanes can stay in the air because of their wing design (curved shape airfoil), creating a force called lift, which counters a plane's weight. Basically, weight is equivalent to the gravitational pull, and the lift is greater than or equal to the plane's weight, so it pulls it up. So, the wind is basically the opposite of the gravitational pull, if that makes sense. I brought my travel essentials with me: my bag, wallet, passport, my headphones, my AirPods, and my wired earphones. I wore my Taylor merch from the Eras Tour to commemorate 1989 Taylor's Version's release. You literally cannot even tell what I'm listening to... I slept through the entire flight because I can shut my body down by command at any time. I get about 3 hours of sleep on a regular day because of school, so I should be fine.
I'm back in Japan. The air here always smells like strawberries; I swear I'm not making it up. I'll be staying in Shibuya for our yearly Halloween visit. I love Japan. The only place where I have such extensive familiarity, for some weird reason. I did the whole airport process, went to our hotel at Shibuya (the same one we go to every year), and dropped off our stuff. We also met with some of our cousins, and they gave us a ride around Tokyo. We went to Yamashita Park, and it was so pretty. I've always been the type to love walks. The yellow trees had this distinct smell that they said was bad, but I actually kinda liked it. We went to this China Town too in Naka, Yokohama - Yamashitacho. We ate at a restaurant there. I was with my Aunt, and they're like the only family members I actually like. I mean, I like the others from my dad's side too, but they restricted me from that, so we eventually grew apart. Also, my favorite cousin got me this whole pencil case with every stationery item ever inside. Apparently, those were her staple supplies. When she visited my house a while back, I remember I was studying for my finals, and she probably knew I liked to study. For years too, I've always had this stationery addiction, so it was so thoughtful of her. I can just think about how she probably looked for the items that she loved so she could put them all in one pencil case. And if you know Japanese stationeries, you know they're the best kind. It's the thought behind getting all those items that I appreciate the most. She remembers what I like, even when we don't speak that often. I mean, we literally have a language barrier, but I consider her probably the best cousin ever. We don't talk though. But it's okay. Anyway, we visited a few temples in Yokohama Masobyo, and since we were with my baby brother, we were on the lookout for a conbini with this one specific brand of Meiji milk. We saw the Gundam Factory in Yokohama with the Hakodate Port and everything. Fun fact, that's Japan's first international trade port. It started raining, and the sight was just beautiful. I love it when weather interacts with nature. We walked a bit more and went to the Tokyo Tower for some pictures. We've already been here a few other times, but I guess it was on the way, so might as well. Going back to Shibuya, the halloweekend was already very observable. A lot of people were already walking the streets in their Halloween costumes, and it's really something that I love about Shibuya. This was happening despite having large signs of warnings for the locals. You can read more about that here Shibuya Halloween 2023 Ban. While the adults rested, that didn't stop me from walking the streets at night and visiting Don Quixote. I'm trying to look for a Halloween costume. I might go as a SWAT. I put off deciding on that for when my brother gets here because he's still doing his college work, and he'll catch up in a few days. For now, I got fake blood and a pack of my favorite chocolate of all time. I got rejected in a karaoke place because I looked young. Sigh. I had one last stop at Family Mart to get pudding, then finally stayed at our hotel.
Something really unsettling happened, and for context, I encountered a recurring dream setting that I know so well, one that I've experienced many times in my dreams. I know this place like the back of my hand because of how often I've dreamed about it. Seeing it in reality was so weird.

October 27, 2023

1989 (Taylor's Version). I'm about to play my ace (ah). Taylor's fourth re-recorded album. I'm so proud of her. It was obviously awesome. I put my headphones on so I can hear every single note ever and literally danced around my room. I was listening to it the same time Sirko was. I ended up playing the album in its proper order. It was a hard decision. I've been so clean recently that playing 'Clean' first made so much sense in my head. The Vault tracks were awesome without fail. It maintained 1989's reputation for being an unskippable album. I feel like I'm such a teenage girl.
I've been packing my stuff for our yearly Halloween in Shibuya, Tokyo. I'll figure out my costume when I get there. Last year I went as Anakin. I was so cool. A lot of things are happening every single day and it's getting pretty overwhelming. I got the awarding leaks and found out I'm 5th in place out of 500 in our whole batch and 3rd in my strand (I will be third on the podium because we go first). I could've placed higher if that one teacher didn't lose my papers and blamed it on me. It's a shame how that issue was never fixed. I'm very pleased with how I reacted over that whole incident. It's great that I didn't dwell on it or made it change my whole work ethics. I cried, sure, but I got back up on my feet and figured I'd experience how unfair everything is eventually. I just need to be calm. I can't suffer reliving a mistake that wasn't even mine over living in reality. I told my mom about Wacky too. I'm catching so many deadlines and had to inform a lot of my teachers about my leave again. I did my robotics homework and updated a month's worth of entries.

October 26, 2023

I always take my time whenever I'm getting ready for school. It's guaranteed that I'll run late anyway. I missed my first class. I live like 5 minutes away from school and I can choose not to oversleep, but I do so anyway. I can get hundreds on my tests without having to attend a single class. Majority, if not all, of what I learn is usually self-taught. I just go to class sometimes to participate and establish some sort of teacher's pet relationship. Not the annoying kind, just the kind that would make them inclined to give me good grades in those subjects that require subjective grading. Anyway, I didn't know that my baby brother had an event at our school and he actually had to be early. He's late too. My bad. He had this costume on and it was so cute. Okay, my first class wasn't really important. But my second subject was. I had this business model canvas I had to present from top to bottom. I had to do everything because I didn't attend classes when my group presented it. I can do it better anyway. Being an hour late meant that I was barely in time for my second class. I ran from the front gates of my school to our building. I was running out of breath. When I got up, someone just passed me water and I wore my suit jacket and literally started talking. I'm an expert talker. I presented everything and got my compliments. After that, we had a bit of break time and I just rested. I had cheer in the next class. We did the dance and it went pretty okay. It wasn't the best, but at least that's over with. I wasn't really expecting anything since it was choreographed and practiced very last minute. Sounds dangerous for someone being thrown in the air. There's this one guy in class who compliments like everything I do, especially when I sing too. He's been asking me to make a band with him. I wish. We have a lot of presentations and defenses this week. I helped out this dude who forgot to bring formal wear and lent him my suit jacket. I got so much gossip today, and it's so chaotic. It's one after another. I am so telling all of them to Sirko. Me and Sirko are actually so in love with each other. She carried my bag, never complaining about the weight of it.

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October 25, 2023

I am updating my blog again. I'm getting closer to the present time. It's hard because sometimes my drafts are just plain unreadable. Even I don't know what I think about. I did some of my homework, tackled this other project we had in like 10 minutes after a friend reminded me of it, then familiarized myself with my incredibly long presentation for tomorrow. It's a lot, but I should be able to manage myself well enough. My brain isn't at its fastest processing speed right now. I think I'm suffering from the after-effects of whatever happened yesterday.
Jojo messaged me! It's been a while. I miss her so much. The longest friend I've ever had. We've always kept in contact.

October 24, 2023

It's a well-established fact that I've never been early to my morning classes. Others in similar situations were called to the disciplinary office because it's considered a multiple offense or something. I wasn't. Unlike the others, I always cheat my way out of it. I've logged all the ways I avoided getting my lateness inputted into the system in this blog over time. Some were getting slips from the (now removed) rack and submitting an empty slip, trying my brother's trick of leaving out information in the required fields, having legible handwriting, and having connections, especially with the attendance monitor and those in charge of decoding the late slips. I'm surprised I've gotten away with this for so long. I'm seriously hacking the system, bypassing all the efforts the school takes in their disciplining.
I feel overwhelmed about everything. It's been growing these past few weeks. I mean, I have good grades, I'm not consumed by anything or experiencing stress, and I've only made one mistake this week. Is it because one of my presentations keeps getting moved, disrupting my calendar? Is it because I feel behind? I'm spiraling; it's awful.
This was all early in the morning. The day is about to get worse. I'd take that anxiety I felt in the morning as my guts preparing me for what was about to escalate.
I walked into the hall of shame. I think I got caught cheating. The teacher who caught me knew I was smart, but I did make a bunch of mistakes. She even outright just told me that she knew I could do better. In other terms - she's disappointed in me. My singular mistake from this morning isn't so lonely anymore. Atleast it has friends now, right? After I took my form B test and had that talk with my teacher, I texted Sine to meet me at the bathroom. I was one blink away from crying. I miss Sirko. I need her. My entire body is programmed to run to her during times like this. It's like deja vu. Tears rolled down my face, but it wasn't Sirko this time. It was Sine. I appreciate it, but it's different. It's raining. I'm drowning. I washed my face off and acted like nothing happened when I got back in class. I feel like everyone's after me. I'm scared, and I feel so, so small.
To top this all off, I received another text from my brother's girlfriend who was currently home. Turns out my parents have been suspecting that I'm going out with a dude, and they're really strict, so that's pretty bad. I knew they had this thought, but their guesses have always been wrong. They guessed it wrong this time too. They thought it was Skylar since they always see us in our waiting area whenever I'm getting picked up from school. But the part that made it impossible for me to deny anything was when my brother fully tattled. What a snitch. I hate that word, but he really is. I didn't want to go home because there's no way I'm handling that confrontation. I cried again. I went with Sine and watched her rehearsal for this dance she had. Her other friend saw that I was crying and called me a pretty crier. The others agreed too. So maybe this isn't such a bad day after all.
In a way, I just don't like having my work discredited for things like my inability to attend classes or persuasion, cheating, being with a dude, or being distracted and whatnot. It's not just that. It's the way those are multi-dimensional tools, making me a wider target for judgment and nitpicking in different areas. All my failures and successes wouldn't be mine anymore. I want everything to be about me and my own efforts, and I don't want other outside factors taking that away from me, if that makes sense. It sucks. I mean, I personally know my worth, but I'm supposed to be perfect. It doesn't seem that way anymore. I'm going to need to recalculate everything again.

October 23, 2023

I'm back. I can go to school again. The day shouldn't be that bad. I'm a bit overwhelmed over the thought of having missed a lot of activities but I should be able to manage it. I'm smart enough. We had an assembly and when some of the teachers that has handled me saw me, they somehow know what I've been through and they were telling me to take a break and slow it down with my studies. I love that people care about me. Honestly, I have no single doubt over the fact that I was probably talked about in the faculty. The whole day, there was like a bunch of teachers talking about health and like knowing how to manage your time and knowing when to rest. I mean, is it really our fault that the school calendar sucks that hard every year? After I did leave, apparently I made some of my other classmates sick too. So that's funny. We had our finance class and I love that teacher I swear. I mean, he's reasonable with his grades but he's a cool person. It's usually, if not is always cringe whenever teachers make one of those relatable love life jokes but he makes it funny. He also has the prettiest wife ever and he's low-key about it but when asked, he gladly showed us her picture. Since we had 2 hours for his class, an hour of it was spent with us trying to ask him questions so we can waste the class hour time. He had this topic of what's the best age to marry in our generation and he settled on 28. I still think that's too young. We had our drug testing today. It took up a bit of time so we didn't really do that much today. Height and weight update: I did not grow, and I lost weight. I am literally underweight. I'm pretty sure I'm the lightest in the batch too because when I used to do cheer, I was everyone's favorite star flyer and the other flyers who were shorter and I'm sure were way less smaller than me was somehow normal. Maybe it's because I just got out of being sick. I studied for a presentation I missed during lunch time but that was inevitably moved too. So really, the whole day was just vacant.
Skylar walked me home because we both had brothers we had to wait for and we usually do end up in the same waiting place during dismissal every single day anyway. We were talking as usual and we had this really crazy topic about certain people. I was saying their name out loud when they appeared out of nowhere in front of me. I ran so fast. It made it so much more suspicious. Skylar was laughing his ass and I facetimed him asking if they were gone. He told me they probably didn't hear it. It was so bad.

October 22, 2023

I am so out of the loop. I feel like everything has been revolving around Wacky. I am given a chance to rest today. I've been sick for weeks, possibly a month, and I'm going to start taking care of myself. Today's my excuse for a personal fix-up. There's a lot involved in a girl's routine when we say "I'll fix myself up." I do shower a lot on a normal day, but that's nothing compared to an "everything" shower day. I don't want to get into too much detail, but as I've mentioned before, I love being a girl. I tried out press-on nails today! They're actually so pretty. The way they sit on top of a nail does bother me a bit, so I know they won't last long. Still very pretty. To cap off this slow day, I studied math, created a presentation for one of my subjects tomorrow, did my research, and worked on a conceptual framework. Studying somehow added to the whole therapeutic and self-care theme of the day. I hope I don't get sick again soon.

October 21, 2023

So the game plan is for me to get over that until the very last minute the start of tonight's very occupied schedule. I had to edit our school video project. It's a skit inspired by Backyardigans - making it an obvious give away that I wrote the script. It was so funny. I love being the one in control of people and making them do stupid stuff. I mean stupid in a good way, okay. Anyway, clock was ticking so I really rushed it and I was very successful.
When that was dealt with, I got ready for the evening. I wore a black maxi skirt and one of those white long sleeves then tied a ribbon on my hair. I met up with Brie at the venue. She ate while I fixed myself in the bathroom. My ribbon wasn't centered, and I was obsessing over it. Eventually, I got it perfectly centered. Then we waited for Tony and Bokuto. The waiting incident is not to be talked about. I made an oath. The first act was incredible; being a seasoned theater kid, Hamilton was familiar territory. I had high expectations, and the show lived up to them. an we talk about John Laurens though? His voice and his visuals? Me and Brie had our eyes set. (Sorry Wacky, I know you told me not to look at other men, not even the cast, but this dude's gay, I checked). Then came the Interlude, and we met up with Tony. His family was with him so we chatted. He told them about my thing with Wacky. What's great is that when we watched Sound of Music a while back, me and Wacky were just full-on friends. I remember them telling us during dinner that we'd look cute together. It's been a few months now, and they actually predicted our yet-to-be-relationship relationship, so it's a cool full 360. The second act made me tear up. I love Hamilton. Also, I didn't know that John Laurens was double-cast as Philip, and he literally resurrected as me and Brie's "new" crush. I fell for the same dude twice. My favorite character was probably King George. On top of his catchy songs, he delivered it so well, and it was so funny.
My friendship with Ria started because of Hamilton, I believe. We were such big fans back in middle school, and even now, as graduation nears, my love for it remains the same.
I was trying my hardest not to be that girl who sings after watching musicals. It was so good. I have no words for it because I'm just in the greatest awe. If I ever read this back, future Cy would know how I mean it when I say I'm overwhelmed with so much awe for this musical.
Post-musical, me and Brie decided to get some souvenir trinket then met Tony's family. We talked for a bit more. They decided to go out to satisfy their Korean cravings, and as much as I wanted to join, I had to go. I was left behind and alone for a bit until I got picked up.

October 20, 2023

I got banned on Instagram again. Mark really has a bone to pick with me. This has been happening at least once a month. I'm not even doing anything, I swear. I'm not a robot either, clearly. I woke up and read a bunch of random people's blog entries on their websites. I find people so interesting. I like it whenever I find parallelism in everyone's lives too. I'd say this is very similar to my other hobby of people watching. Not in a weird way, obviously. It's like, although I can be cynical at a lot of times, it doesn't mean I still don't appreciate how lives are lived by other people. I did my own blog a while after I was being creepy. It's not creepy, only I can say that to myself. I'm trying my best to update up until the current date. I also did my homework about cost structures. I was a little extra with it, as how I usually am. Then I played Roblox with Wacky before going to sleep.

October 19, 2023

My mind is currently wandering off to somewhere far. An ocean, perhaps. All my senses are completely submerged in water. It's comforting. I want to stay. But it's leaking. The first thing I heard in the morning was shouting. Then I was on my knees, and I was crying. I'm trying to drown out my home with Matilda (Harry's song). I've always used ribbons to tie my hair. I don't think I have it in me to tie it one last time, to be fully aware while forcing myself to be naive—cruel. I can't let it go. I'll always be sorry for wanting to leave. I hate that it's physically impossible for me to owe someone without returning my debt. I want to be alone and deal with this before I start offering teas and toasts. But it's a long way, and part of me wants to give up early. I'd never be able to live. My ears are ringing, and the skies are gloomy. I can't start anything without finishing this. I want to leave. I've been so good. I need instructions. Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? I've been so good.
I've just been doing my blog for this day. I did a lot. I'm very proud of myself. It's a very fitting time to relive my recent days. I read some Percy Jacksons too. If I just take my time tomorrow, I bet I can finish it in one sitting.
Wacky told me about a dream he had.

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October 18, 2023

Were my ribbons tied unsymmetrically? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? The gods are not in my favor. What is wrong with me?
I read a bit today. I'm getting better, but I still feel weak. I'm less strict on myself but I did do a bunch of math for the day. I did a bit more than what was needed because I always do the most. Believe it or not, I love math. I always say I hate it but everybody knows how good I am at it. It was fun. Our cost structure was a bit harder since my group decided to make a lot of products so I had to comprehensively breakdown a lot of components, convert all that into money, start solving for labor expenses, mark-up, gross-margins, and all that.
I talked to Wacky until I drifted off to sleep. We've been doing this for so long I don't think I can sleep without him anymore. He told me my sickness would go away and used some weird tiny builder metaphor. He loves making metaphors. I love him. I love his metaphors.

October 17, 2023

Yesterday was more than just a mere nightmare; it was a harsh reality. I didn't go to school. Most people would be thrilled if literally everyone begged them not to go to school. I would be too, usually, but this week is different. We have a lot of work to do, and I can't afford to fall behind. I felt sorry for myself for a few minutes but decided to push that thought aside because I knew I was dwelling over something uncontrollable, and I know I need rest. So, I did. I spent the entire day in my room and worked on my blog. My groupmates called me from school. They needed help with their robotics, and I gladly helped. I love how my absence causes people distress. Wacky did help me in figuring out the route of the robot I was going to code too, so, thank you, Wacky. He watched Hamilton today. I had a field day with Sirko's ex. I was recreating pictures and making fun of him in the meanest way possible. In my defense, he put that on himself. Before I went to sleep, I worked on the cost structure for my project. I'd say I'm still resting. I mean, I'm using my brain, but it's not like I'm straining myself physically. In retrospect, I probably needed this break. I should do this more often.

October 16, 2023

I woke up and spent several hours at the hospital. I am on my deathbed. I am dying. It's both sad and frustrating that my immune system always lets me down. I understand that I haven't been treating it well, but I swear it's strong enough. Normally, when I get sick, I bounce back in a day. Maybe it's my body's way of getting back at me because I got upset with it last year too when it failed me during hell week. I always tell it to wait until after I finish my work. I guess that's understandable. My body is as petty as I am. The doctors advised me to stop attending classes, and I had to beg them for a doctor's note so I could attend my research defense for at least an hour tomorrow. They then proceeded to specify in the note not to let me attend until next Monday. I'll be missing quite a few days. I tried to convince them, to the point where they ended up begging me instead. I underwent a few hospital tests, and it turns out I could develop pneumonia if I don't stop overworking myself. Yeah, it's prety bad. I'm really not that hard on myself, just a bit. I got back home in the evening and took more sleep. Later, I decided to disturb Brie and Bokuto. I drew FNAF characters from memory, and they made them their profile pictures. Then, I was forced into drawing for the entire group. This is sick child labor. We made plans to watch the upcoming FNAF movie too. I'm so eexcited. My voice was barely there, and I sounded like I was on the brink of death. Somehow, I managed to infect Bokuto through the line. How that was physically possible is beyond me. It wasn't. I'm merely a wrongly accused and framed individual. I got too weak, so I decided to leave and called Wacky. We've been consistent with our sleep calls for like forever now.

October 15, 2023

I am bedridden. It's worse than it was yesterday. I managed to read more of Percy Jackson, which made the situation somewhat bearable. My head hurts. I was so out of it that I ended up in a position where a painting fell on my head. Don't question it. I now have a nice-sized knot on my head.
I've been wanting to rewatch The Notebook, so I convinced Wacky to watch it with me. He was somehow way more emotional than I was. He cried. I love The Notebook so much. I'm glad he did too.
I'm incredibly sleep-deprived, diagnosed with eternal sleepiness, but I can't sleep. Not when everything hurts, and not when I have to blow my nose and cough violently every five seconds.

October 14, 2023

I've been hit by the truck of post-midterm sickness. Sirko is also sick. I can't do anything. It's going to be my fourth week of sickness. I always tend to fall ill after midterms, but this time, I thought I might catch a break, given that I'm already sick. Turns out it could get worse. Am I okay? I feel terrible, and there's a pile of tissues in front of me. I'm in the process of constructing a fort made out of snot tissues. I'm tired. I ate around three pieces of cheese bread. After that, I slept for a full five hours. At least I'm getting my hibernation, I guess. I woke up with enough energy to read 60 pages of Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.

October 13, 2023

Whenever we have our midterms or finals, our test schedules are usually pushed back to give students extra time to study. However, on this day, that extra time was taken from us due to an earthquake. This was the first time in my maybe 14 years of my education that I had the opportunity to apply the things taught in our annual earthquake and fire drills. No one followed any of those drills. People were making jokes and were trying to study in the middle of chaos. I did both. Eventually, we received instructions to return to our classrooms, and the testing finally began. Midterms were easy as I had expected. The math test in particular, I finished in less than 10 minutes, with repeated double-checking. It seemed almost too easy, making me doubt everything. I helped others since I could, and it was relatively easy to share answers with others. Our proctor literally was almost encouraging cheating. He would leave the classroom, stare outside the window, sometime literally just face the wall. Hey, atleast I'm not the dumb kind of cheater, I'm the smart one who shares. After the tests, I finally was finally free. I could catch up on some sleep. People were happy for my sake because they knew I had been sick for over three weeks. I got home and took a short nap; later, I planto start my hibernation.
Ria and I had reserved tickets for Taylor's Eras Tour The Movie, but unfortunately, my parents revoked their permission for me to attend. I didn't want to upset my dad because his words can be very stern. It was a waste of tickets, but Ria found another friend to go with, so at least the seats weren't completely wasted.
It was my brother's birthday yesterday, and we had a belated birthday dinner. Both my brother and I weren't available on his actual birthday due to our midterms. I regretted missing his birthday last year, even though I was physically present during dinner, I was still preoccupied with my math paper. So, we went to his place, bought a cake, went to a restaurant, and had a meal together. He showed me an indie game he had, where you essentially played as Death on judgment day. It was cool; he always finds the coolest apps.
I had to choose between the movie and spending time with my brother. It's okay; I already attended the Era's Tour live at Sofi Stadium anyway.

October 12, 2023

Recently, I've been getting a lot of those, "Are you even sleeping anymore?" questions. I mean, I get that they're concerned, and I receive them quite well, but... is it really that bad? I'd argue that this is the easiest I've taken studying in quite some time. I even revised for the wrong subjects yesterday, but it didn't matter. I only read the summary notes and called it a night anyway.
Today was the first day of midterms, and I finished the tests so quickly. The most tedious and annoying subject, as usual, gave a test that didn't correspond what had been taught in class. It was expected, so I can say I still did great. The second test I had was pretty accurate to what I had studied, so I think my results shouldn't be bad. The next test was for sure aced because I'm just that awesome. I'm pretty confident with all of them. After school, I invited Sine and Louise (my study group since last year) over to brush up on math. I mostly just taught them the concepts (Feynman would be very proud) and got us Starbucks and Popeyes. Sine had to leave shortly since she had a few things she still had to study for. I mean, I'm almost just gliding through this whole midterms. A friend of mine messaged me in the evening and had a question on their test. It didn't have any answer keys, and the tests are different per section, so I gave her an answer straight from my brain. It was a pretty confusing question, so she wanted to double-check. I am somehow tolerated by the strictest teacher ever, and I just called her up. She replied quickly, and we got the answer. I was right. That's a thing that only I can do. I always seem to be the favorite student of the strictest teachers. I went through all of my the topics briefly before I slept. I think I'd do well. Oh, and it's also my older brother Luke's birthday.

October 11, 2023

The sun paints my room in a color just right. I'm reading Mary Oliver's Felicity, and it's so good. I love her. I am very sleepy. I am stuck in time. Today is a good day. My midterms schedule for tomorrow only has easy subjects, but I can say that for the entirety of midterms. There is not one single class I struggle with. I am well-prepared, and I'm not even cramming.
I came across this blog: The World's Most Common Random Number, and it's very interesting. As a fan of The Big Bang Theory, my favorite sitcom, I know all about Dr. Sheldon Cooper's obsession with the number 73. Although it's the opposite of what's in the website I found, it still applies to its concept of being the best number. In The Big Bang Theory, Season 4, Episode 10, The Alien Parasite Hypothesis, it was stated that 73 is the 21st prime number, its mirror (37) is the 12th, and its mirror (21), is the product of multiplying 7 and 3. In binary, 73 is a palindrome, meaning 1001001 backward is also 1001001, and this was the 73rd episode in the entire series. So basically, it's a prime number, meaning it only has two divisors, 1 and itself. It also fits the 73-37, 21-12 prime number pair theory and has palindromic properties in binary. Additionally, through my own research, it can be connected to the digit sum theory, as the digit sum of 7 + 3 = 10, and 1 + 0 = 1, which relates to the prime number pair theory. In ASCII, the number 73 represents the character "I," which is essentially the best letter since it's self-proclaiming to be the best. Even in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, the number 73 appeared frequently and was referred to as the best number. I've yet to read it in its entirety, but from what I've read so far, I can tell it's a 5-star book and one of the best fictions out there. Returning to the number 73, although it's not a Fibonacci number, it's related to them. If you take the ratio of consecutive Fibonacci numbers, the limit approaches the Golden Ratio, which is approximately 1.618. The ratio of 73 to 45 (two Fibonacci numbers) is very close to the Golden Ratio. It's also a well-known problem in mathematics and is often used to test algorithms for integer factorization. All in all, I think it's the best number too. My favorite number is still 7.
After that number 73 extensive research, I went to the mall around 3PM. I do not plan on studying for my midterms tomorrow. I orginally wanted to shop for clothes because retail therapy is great but I think I only got one piece of clothing and called it a day. I had sky dinner and came home to revise just a bit. I tutored Skylar and a lot of other people, actually. We played some quizzis to review our topics. Spoiler Alert: Every mock test (quizzis) I made came out in the test just like I did last year and I officially can confirm that I can predict my teacher's mind. I have super powers.

October 10, 2023

My English teacher asked if I'm getting enough sleep at night. Are the effects of sleep deprivation that noticeable on my face? The results of one of our tests came out, and everyone in the class failed miserably – literally below the passing grade. Except for me. I scored 49 out of 50. It should have been a perfect score because my answers came straight from our teacher's PowerPoint, but apparently, she required more specificity. It should have been marked correctly. I had a few side quests today. I found someone who dropped their money and returned it to them. I performed a kind act by getting food for three people. We had a robotics class, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. I'm actually starting to enjoy it. I also find it so great when people approach me for my papers. It's because our teachers don't usually provide correct answers, and I'm usually the source for answer keys.
I had forgotten how fun it was to walk home with someone. I walked with a friend for the first time in a while. We coincidentally walked the same way and started talking. It made my walk to the waiting area much faster. I stopped walking with someone ever since Sirko left. I usually wait with Skylar for our daily car rides home, but I think I'll take up the offer to walk together to our spot as well. Brie saw us and joined our conversation. We talked about college and my simple life - that Skylar heavily disagrees on. He argues that I am anything but simple because I always take the extra mile to do the most out of everything. He isn't wrong. I also drew stars on their hands because I had my pen with me.
I went out with my family for dinner. We had Japanese food at Kiwami. I also got my broken charm fixed, my preordered book finally came, and I also bought a book from Gracie's and (now mine too)'s favorite author. I picked up my preordered book Watchmen: The Deluxe Edition by Allan Moore, illustrated by Dave Gibbons and Mary Oliver's Felicity. I miss Sirko. I usually preorder books when I'm with her too. I FaceTimed her when I got home and gave her a haul. We usually give each other hauls. I was such a kid excited to tell her all about Dr. Manhattan. We also made fun of people... We used to never make fun of people. Whatever happened to being the good girls.

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October 09, 2023

My dad dropped me off at school today, which doesn't usually happen. But when it does, it's typically a scary. As I had predicted, this time was no exception. He started lecturing me on how he wanted me to get more sleep and stop studying excessively. Which is a nice thing, but he says it in the scariest tone. He was threatening that if I don't slow down, he'd make me drop out. That or I'd end up too sick and would have to miss an entire school year anyway.
Our first class of the day was nothing short of stressful. A bunch of my classmates were experts in weaponizing their own incompetencies. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but a few weeks ago, maybe about a month back, we were assigned groupings, and I ended up with the worst people ever. As fate would have it, our latest task was to prepare two accounting reports each and then compile them at the end of the session. When I began collecting all the work, I noticed that most of my group members hadn't even made a single effort, and their work was just wrong. Everything was wrong.Knowing that this would affect my grade, I ended up doing all the reports myself. One of them had given up from the start, so I reassured him that I'd handle it since he clearly didn't know what to do. The other just made up his own stuff and didn't even try to make it right. I was really tired, and my hands started cramping because I had to write so much with precision, especially since accounting doesn't allow for mistakes. Literally, two of my friends from another group, who were aware of my predicament, started helping me. It was that frustrating. I even had to chase down our professor after the class ended, as he had already left. I was out of breath. I hate it when people use that old trick in the book – being incompetent on purpose so others would have to do your work. I mean, I know Rodrick (from Diary of a Wimpy Kid) literally had an entire tutorial on how you can get others to do your work for you, and it does work. But as much as I get it, please, it wouldn't hurt to try and be an actual decent person. Our next class was math, and we had a formative long test. We were allowed to work in partners and like in perfect sync, before I could even look at him, Skylar dragged his chair up next to mine. We worked on the test pretty fast. It was so easy. I was somehow allowed to use my phone during the test and we started filming thirst traps while everybody else was stressing.
I studied for my MIL class and took the test. I think I did well, I probably got a perfect grade or at most, one mistake. At lunchtime, I practiced for a research defense. We were the first in our batch to present our research title, we're pretty advanced since we are the "smart group". By "smart," I mean we had two of the top students from our strand, literally just me and the friend I've mentioned in this blog before. During the presentation, our research panelist praised my speaking and articulation skills. I accept all the compliments, and she even mentioned that I was better my brother, whom she had handled previously. I genuinely love presentations; I am so good at speaking, and no matter the topic, I can manage to speak at length. I got home and collapsed on the floor carpet. I tried to study, but something was bothering me. I talked to Sirko for a bit and just laid in my bed and cried, and moped. I hate myself

October 08, 2023

I drew a deer. I studied MIL all morning, sticking to my usual study-sleep-study-sleep routine. Surprisingly, my 10-minute naps were particularly effective today. I was convinced I had slept longer. I made progress on my research, covering a huge portion of it. Then I studied math. I just brushed over the topics for a bit. I'm glad I had studied them some day ago before, I'm not cramming in the slightest, and it feels great. I am so Flame Princess. I've been getting back into the Adventure Time lore again. And while I've had this interest for a while, that I was even there for the release of its last episode, it's different this time. There's new answers to some old questions. There's a new spin-off series called Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake (fun fact, I used to own the original comic for that spin-off), and from what I've gathered so far, I already know how good it is. Lacy is haunting me. There she goes again.

October 07, 2023

I got ready. I love being a girl. I had Stick Season on loop (again) throughout the whole morning. It's so fitting for fall. I went out with Wacky, and I was late again; I suck. We went to the dog cafe I'm a regular at and I studied for like 5 hours while Wacky just stayed there, reading Harry Potter. Isn't that so cute? I mean, for the first hour, I'm pretty sure I was just showing off how I get hundreds on every test and have the whole syllabus of every subject ever memorized. We got biscoff and carbonara. Both of which are my cravings (he's copying me). He tried studying too but gave up after like 5 minutes. It's probably the most trivial thing, but I asked him a question and he helped me by guiding my hands to explain the difference between two concepts and I was literally falling in love with him. I can't get it out of my head. Then we eventually transferred to booth seats, and I started making summary notes on my laptop, he had me in his arms the whole time. I personally enjoyed his company. I don't know about him though. I wish he were always with me whenever I study. It gives me the greatest sense of comfort. I know I study a lot, but if I were with him, I'd seriously never stop. We left the cafe, and he wanted frozen yogurt (less ice cream, ice cream) or something, so we tried looking for a shop. He did. I told him froyo is just the healthier but less tastier version of ice cream, like how they say tofu is literally the healthier version of chicken. It's different. Not even close. He went for that healthy option and ended up putting a gazillion worth of different kinds of chocolate toppings – a setup for diabetes. How do you make the healthier alternative of a food unhealthy? And why? We sat outside for a bit so he could eat his wannabe ice cream. Then he started acting like a child, so I had to feed him (he's so cute, I was freaking out on the inside). Then he looked for a bottle of water. After he got that, we headed to a bookstore. He's so pretty, I can't help but stare. Is that rude? He wanted a physical copy of Harry Potter, and I just followed him. He dragged me along with him for the rest of the day until he had to leave. I was kind of sad. We said our goodbyes, and I went back to the bookstore to preorder Watchmen because I've been wanting to read it but haven't been able to. I gave up on looking for a good book. I can always just specifically ask for what I want anyway. Wacky called today's date a presence date. I hope he didn't mind the fact that I was literally glued to my lecture notes. I got home and taught my baby brother the difference between fruits and vegetables.
I made myself a peanut butter sandwich. It took me 5 hours or more to finish that sandwich. I watched Peter Pan with Wacky too. He fell asleep midway.

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October 06, 2023

My head hurts. It's throbbing, and I wish for the entire world to quiet down by a few decibels. I woke up early because I didn't want to be late for this test we had. I think I got a perfect score. Our teacher even gave us lollipops while taking the test. I finished so fast, while everyone literally struggled. It was an enumeration type test, and not everyone memorizes every material ever given to them, like I do, so they had a hard time. It was so easy. I managed to take a picture of the test because I help friends out. Is it unfair? Yeah. But I'm a good friend, and I don't mind risking a few things to help others. My friend and I were hopping between classrooms for consultations. Our class is known for being smart, and our professor got kind of mad at us because we finished our whole term paper. It's impressive, but now she wants to make it harder for us. She gave us a bunch of corrections when we submitted it for proofreading, and we had to revise it. We did it in front of her quickly because she told us that if we were the first to finish, she'd give us additional points. Lunch with Ria was spent talking about my recent obsession with Stick Season (Olivia covered it and it was so good). Then we also discussed our game plan for the Eras Tour Movie. I had our club meeting too. My friends and I decided to cut the first half. I wanted to eat pizza. I went to the club and got nominated for secretary. I won. I just naturally have charm. I live life on easy mode, I swear. I have some extra time for updating my blog. I am so behind. I've been showering for the same amount of numbera regular person would in a day, and that's concerning. I don't take care of myself anymore. It's the same no eat, no drink, no sleep (heavy on no sleep) routine.

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October 05, 2023

I have a lot of tests today. I can't afford to skip school even when I'm severely sick. It took me so long to get ready. I was dragging myself. I felt terrible. I mean, I did predict it. I'm sick. I went downstairs to eat and started crying. I dropped my glass of water, and it spilled everywhere because I had no ounce of strength left in me. I have a lot of tests. I took some medicine and left the house, but I had forgotten my glasses. I'm too sick to be frustrated. I cried in my first class as well because I kept on falling asleep. We had a cheer to perform, and I still had to teach people. My teacher noticed how sick I was and allowed me to go rest. I managed to do my tests reasonably well. As expected, one of the tests didn't have any of the material we had been taught. This subject has always been problematic, and I'm not even going to question it. Our teacher hadn't taught a single thing, and none of the topics she said would be on the test were included, so I don't even plan on studying for our midterms anymore. I have the whole entire book and lesson transcriptions memorized at this point. My brain has been hurting for two days now, and I'm still extremely sleep-deprived and sick. I know the importance of sleep, but the thing is, there wouldn't be much to retain if I didn't know the contents of the test. The whole premise of resting is to store and clean memory in the hippocampus. I need to study. More.

October 04, 2023

I studied for a moderate amount of time, I'd say. I think I'm gonna get sick. I can predict it. Wacky wasn't satisifed with the piece he made yesterday and remade the ending. Thank you, I love you.

October 03, 2023

I miss this, the feeling of death. Around this time last year, every single day, I remember writing about how nauseous I'd always feel. It's back, and I still can't figure out what causes it. Is it my dehydration, lack of sleep, an empty stomach, or perhaps my period? I'm really leaning towards stress if I'm being honest. I mean I don't think I am. I just know it's not the kind of stress that I consciously recognize, but more of a subtle mental strain pushing my body to its limits. It's rainy. I woke up early so I can go to school early. Our marketing subject was so easy. I memorized more than what came out and I was surprised the quiz ended just like that. I'm starting to fully have my grasp on math too, so that's great. I have this new friend who helped get my thoughts together. Never knew he was smart. Our math test was rescheduled so my body took it as a signal to take its rest. I slept the whole day. During lunchtime, I played Minecraft with Ria, and we had a bit of a struggle, but it was fun. Robotics class was also awesome. I got to my car and cried because I was so tired. Okay, yeah, my body is defintely telling me something. My baby brother cried too because he's been so stressed out about school (he's in kindergarten). I studied some more when I got home and did my homeworks. Wacky finished his piano piece composition for me and he's literally so cool and I'm so in love with him. I made it my ringtone.

October 02, 2023

Back to the same old routine with physical school starting again. I love how they can integrate online classes now without much issues. I woke up so early that I was practically fighting for my life to get out of bed. I almost left my bag, but I wasn't in too much of a hurry because I'm usually late anyway and quite used to it. My first subject was finance, and I was so tired. We had a whole recitation and quiz all at once, out of nowhere. We had just come back from a week of not studying and pretending to listen, but I should've seen it coming. Maybe I did and just placed my hopes on the unlikeliness of not having to do anything. I think I did decently in both. In English, we played a trivia-based game called Jeopardize, the mechanics hacing a selection of questions in each category, and they have points corresponding to their difficulty. The most points win, and you can also steal points or turns from slow-brained participants. I was ahead by 3000 points, which might sound unfair, but it's not my fault I'm smarter than everyone else. I had lunch with Ria, just like every other regular school day, except there was a lunch concert thing, and I actually ate real school food. If you've read my blog long enough, you'd know that I don't eat much. Brie gave me a crocheted Luffy straw hat pin, and I wore it the whole day. I got a bunch of compliments. When class ended, I caught up with Brie at our school's butterfly garden. We had to patch up a couple of things since we had fallen out for a while, but I'm glad we're okay again. Words were said, and I still mean all of them. We acknowledged both sides, and we're moving forward.
I have a test tomorrow, and I really need to study. I invited a friend over, Louise (whom I haven't mentioned in a while and have started referring to as just another friend), to my house because we wanted to study at a cafe, but I forgot my laptop. Studying outside boosts my productivity, or maybe it just keeps me awake, which is just about all I need. Louise met my baby brother, and they played for a while. We went to the cafe from the very beginning because I hadn't been paying attention the whole previous week. It went pretty well, I think. I got home, took a shower, studied some more, and tutored a few friends.
I'm so tired that I feel nauseous. I still did my normal obsessive memorization and tutored my friends. Wacky's making me another song because he scratched the other one. I literally find anything he makes so good he doesn't get it.

October 01, 2023

I only studied for a short while because I'm still caught up in that whole petty process of trying to prove myself to Wacky. The issue is, I haven't covered any of the material in our coursework, and I can't even rely on my stock knowledge, so I had to browse through my topics. Even then, I didn't study as obsessively as I typically would. At one point, my day reached a stage where I literally had nothing to do, which is concerning. I often underestimate how much time studying consumes in my daily schedule. The new dog I mentioned a few entries ago and that I've been playing with every night was moved to our farm, which means I won't see him for a while. I'm sad. My brother came back from college and warned me about its system. He brought do much stories with him and he still looks homeless. I think it's the last time he'll stay at home for a while, as he'll be spending the majority of his days in his dorm or apartment, or wherever the hell he even lives at. I helped him with his homework and postponed mine for a bit. When I finally got some time to myself, I raced spedran at least ten homeworks while Wacky watched me. They're all due tomorrow. I really need better time management. Or at the very least, rewire my brain to prioritize the right things first.