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July 31, 2023

I've been wanting to make room for at least an hour of my day which I can dedicate to just writing my thoughts down. I mean, I have a bunch of notebooks dedicated for this purpose, but they often end up being too polished and scrutinized to the very last detailed that it feels restraining. Whenever I write in most of my commonplace notebooks, I overanalyze everything to the point of falling down a whole rabbit hole of theories, so I can be objective about certain opinions or even new theories I might've come up with. For once, I just want to dump straight webs of thoughts down without even thinking. The objective is so I'd see my brain in a laid-out way where I can point out any recurring patterns, which might be the cause of why I feel so overwhelmed. I just want a clearer brain. My mind is so relentless right now that I can't even block it out, so I'm clearing it out. Kind of like transferring your files to some storage system. Maybe I'd get lucky and solve some stuff I have lingering in my mind easily. You know how information needs to be processed before it can turn into a memory? Well, sometimes I just choose not to process them. Isn't that so cool? It's a trick I have to forgetting anything by command. Too bad I can't use it right now. The first thing I did this morning was shower and write on a notebook. Before I actually started writing, I cleaned out my whole room. Going back to where I was: I finally dipped my pen into the inkwell of my chaotic thoughts. I actually searched this up, and turns out the thing I wanted to do has already been a practice for some people, and it's just called morning pages. Very simple. I like it. So I did that for quite a while, then I went downstairs for breakfast and brought a book with me. I read and annotated Sigmund Freud's collection of essays and papers for about 3 hours before calling it a break. I feel like I'd value this book much more if time passes by, right now it makes sense but it doesn't really matter to me yet. That sucks. I wrote more stuff on my new notebook so I defeated the whole purpose of the pages being for morning, but hey, atleast I'm actively dumping thoughts into it. I somehow find it satisfying. Shortly after, I turned my PC on and continued working on the brawler game I've been trying to develop. I helped my baby brother with his homework too. I read on and off throughout the day. I did normal day stuff

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July 30, 2023

I can feel the weight of my phantom limb. I tried reading 4 different books all in the same hour and yet I still can't quite get myself out of my reading slump. I went out for lunch which was terrible because of a reason I can't share. It's not exactly terrible in a situational way, more of a, why is my brain wired this way, way. I made more graphics for the brawler game I've been working on. It's a slow progress. I don't know if I'm burning myself out, or my mind is just deeply occupied right now. While out, I had to accompany my baby brother on his little toy expedition. He wants to but a toy but I can read rigth through him and he just wants to get a toy for the sake of getting a toy. He couldn't find anything in the store that he liked so he kept on settling for anything random. I also learned that I'm getting old. The new generation is making memes now and I think that's where my abby brother got his Skibidi song from. It's so lame but I'm not one to judge. I went home, played the piano for a bit, got ready for bed and when I was about to go to sleep, my brother summoned me. He's leaving tomorrow for college. It's going to be out last late-night at the kitchen hangout. There was literally no food in the pantry so I just made myself tea. We talked for a bit and I even did our very traditionl height checks. I still have not grown. That was quite something. After that, I think I just went straight to bed.
I got a new lightsaber don't even ask why.

July 29, 2023

It's raining very heavily. The sky was dark when I woke up, partly because I woke up late, and partly because of the rain. I listened to a bunch of podcasts while doing some stuff around. I had my dermatologist appointment and decided that the rest of the day was for me to laze around. Then my dad texted me, telling me to get ready in a minute because he's going to pick me up to go to the driving range. I got ready and everything, only to find out that golf lessons are cancelled. Too bad. Taylor did Right Where You Left Me for Sta. Clara as one of her surprise songs. That's very depressing. It was Sirko's first choice for the tickets, but it was sold out quickly. We have the LA one, which is a week from now. Luckily, Taylor messed up, so she has to do it again since it's part of the rules. I wrote a letter I'd never mail out. I think writing is cool. I once wrote a paper on this concept that the brain isn't for storing things but for thinking, so writing stuff down gives you clarity, which would enhance a lot of things like your decision-making skills and whatnots. I was about to go to sleep when my brother called me out of nowhere. I saw it and went to his room, and water was apparently spilled on his PC. He asked me to help him, which I did a bit. I separated the wires for the different consoles (a very confusing task), then I just sat down and annoyingly gave him a bunch of jokes. Then I told him this one line that was like, "You're going to college?" I said it in a way of disbelief and knowing at the same time. He proceeded to tell me that he got this quick recollection of memories from that. He got déjà vu from what I had said. Five years ago, when I was still 12 and my brother had just turned 14, I asked him in the same tone I did the college question the whole "You're 14?" I think it's amusing. Whenever my brother hits any milestones, I always get this sense of crisis. I hate growing up. I guess my brother made it a bit easier for me since he's kind of paving my path. I don't really know what I want yet, but I've at least narrowed it down to two things. My brother gave me a lesson on how I don't have to make it so hard for myself, that we're from the suburbs and not from the trenches. He doesn't understand that I really just hate owing people, and that includes our parents. I was eventually kicked out of the room, but when he did finish cleaning, he asked me to inspect his room. I told him alright and started humming the Inspector Gadget Theme Song. I didn't really do anything; I kind of just looked around, then sat in his gaming chair. I think this is a very wholesome interaction because when he kicked me out for the second time, he was like, "You can go back now Inspector Cy (my real name sounds better here trust).

July 28, 2023

I accidentally clicked a notification I had in my phone. It was from Sirko's guy. He's asking me for advice because he wants to ask her to be official. I knew Sirko well. I didn't want to completely push him to that direction so I had to stall for like what seemed like almost an hour. While Sirko was showering, I was telling him complete gibberish saying the answer is within him or something. It as honestly funny. Good thing I'm great at being talkative without sharing anything at all. I had to call Sirko a bunch of times because I was panicking. I feel bad for the dude. I'm taking a break from golf because everything hurts. I updated my blog for a bit and finished The Good Place. Every twist ever was so great. I loved all the characters. Each one of them had their own ways of being loveable. The ending was also perfect. I was scared they'd end up leaving Michael behind but the whole Earth thing saved everything. I've never been more satisfied. Everyone got their happy endings. I like happy endings. Then I cried myself to sleep. Well, I actually slept later than usual I stayed up with The Bridge (Brie and Tony). We were doing our little thing where I'd say something weird and Tony would shut me up. Brie got sentimental. So epic. Then another friend of ours joned the call but I was already sleeping and he only woke me up for a second before I blinked and suddenly it was the next day.

July 27, 2023

The Good Place is such an awesome show. I'd write an entire review for it, but I don't feel like being annoying. I woke up and had another golf session. Same driving range, same instructor. I'm allowed to do full swings now. My whole body is hurting. I mean not too much (I think my body hurted the most whenever we'd have gymnastics days when I used to do cheer). I was with my dad. We went to this other golf shop and I bought shoes because grass. I had another cool conversation. There was this lady who I was talking to and she asked how old I was. I'm 17. She thought I was 12. Then she shared a bunch of stories about her past and I was convinced she was young too. She then revealed she was actually 40 but I swear she was like 25 max. My dad decided we should do eat and it was raining so hard. I ate and when I finally got to the car, I received a call from my mom. Apparently the teacher who failed me, finally answered. It's been an entire month of relentless chasing. This happened with Sirko's sister too. We literally both join comptetitions for English. There's just no way. Turns out I missed passing this one worksheet we had which I totally submitted. I don't miss anything because I'm literally obsessed with my grades. So that happened, I cried in the car when my teacher asked to talk to me. She doesn't even know what I'm missing because guess what? We never did anything. I even asked literally everyone. That's the great thing. I don't talk to any of my school friends at all but they're always so active. They confirmed that we do in fact not do anything, and this whole thing is jsut dumb and very personal. Whatever it was, she still lost my papers. The only good thing I got from this was that I wouldn't get disqualified. I am going to get a lower rank because my grades were nerfed, however, I can bet I'm still somewhere in the top 10. I watched more of The Good place then had a sleep call with Wacky. Except I didn't sleep when I was supposed to because my brother got me Mcdonalds so I had to eat that and brush my teeth again, then sleep. No, I cried a lot.

July 26, 2023

I woke up really early to play golf. It was something that was brought up in a converstation with my dad two days ago and now here we are. My brother also tagged a long. The instructor I had was great. I don't know if I have the qualificatins to say that statement since I don't really have ny other data to compare how great he instructed but I learned pretty easily. We were at a driving range and I think for a couple of sessions I'd just practice my swings there since I'm not exactly the most professional. I went home and slept like a log. After I showered, of course. I woke up and called Sirko so we could prepare for the Era's Tour. We made a bunch of frienship bracelets which wasn't the most successful. Sirko was stuck on her first bracelet because the beads kept on slipping off whenever she'd try to tie them and I kept on running out of vowels. We still managed to make a few until I got a call from my dad again asking me to get ready. I was picked up and we went to this golf shop to buy myself clubs and a caddy. I thin my clubs were the XXIO 12 Ladies one then the actual caddy was this light blue one I don't know a single thing about golf. I do plan on actually making it my sport though. So that's cool. I got my gloves and other apparels too because I have no idea. Then while I was playing on this corner of the shop, an old man approached me and told me "What a lucky girl". I thought that was an absolutely wholesome interaction. He also wished me luck with all my endeavors and I told him thank you and bowed because I always do. I think I have a reunion this day which I totally did not show up to... That's fine.

July 25, 2023

Me and Ria originally planned to Barbenheimer. Sadly, time restricts us because Ria has rehearsals and Brie already watched the Barbie movie which means we can Oppenheimer with her some other time. I wore pink and picked Ria up. She also wore pink. We actually picked a pretty similar outfit, which was totally unplanned. We were close on time. We barely made it. I mean, technically, we didn't make it on time at all since we did miss like a minute or five, but that's fine. We had to wait for food, and I personally have not eaten all day. For the record, I've been eating regularly. So missing a day is totally fine. I got home pretty late and played the piano. I learned "What Was I Made For" pretty quickly. I still want to discuss the movie with someone. Too bad Ria had to go the moment the movie ended, and Sirko is a gazillion miles away. Greta Gerwig did great.

July 24, 2023

What makes something funny? Is it when conventions are met by the unorthodox? When something makes us feel superior? Why was I being so incredibly mean last night with Sirko and yet I found everything funny? Why am I even questioning this and can't just have fun. Such a buzzkill. To add to those questions, why do I always cry at the end of the day when I've had a bit too much fun? I know about the incongrution detection and resolution, superiority, and relief theories but I still don't understand how even when I have this strict rule about being nice to everyone, I still find mean jokes funny. Am I just stupid? Anyway, I was a bit too happy last night which continued on to today so I'm already predicting it, I'm crying tonight. I had my orthodontist appoinment. So great. We went to the mall after that and my brother was making fun of everyone. Which was so coincidental to my recent ponder. My baby brother and older brother were looking for school shoes. They got their stuff and I just bought my outfit for Barbie. My older brother also got a car so that's cool. We got home and wacthed The Good Place. Wacky recommended it and it's actually so good. And I mean that because I finished all of season one in one day.
Why do I have this thing that always ruins everything at the back of my brain? What a terrible condition.

July 23, 2023

Critiques are weird. I get it, the whole new objective perspective and all, but I still think it's weird. I like assessing a lot of things and even writing about them. To be clear, I'm talking about solely critiquing but not in a constructive way. I think feedback is great. I'd even say that a cruel critique with substance is way beneficial than a whole book of praise. But other people are just plain rude. I've rated a lot of films (most are anime because I'm on MAL) and this might make me sound like a hypocrite, but maybe people just lack appreciation the more they don't know about a certain thing. I know that saying something is bad and knowing how to do something is completely different. I've been developing games recently and it really skyrocketed my sense of appreciation for every game ever. I think it's really the same with everything. A game can be bad, but when you know that they're trying their best to improve, I guess it makes it different in a way I acn't seem to express. I figured it out. Critiques are only weird in a context where there's a declaration or attempt of establishing social superiority. It makes sense because some say unsolicited rude things to others and pass it as a critique when they don't even mean to help the other person.
I woke up around 6 AM to text Wacky and went back to sleep. I got lazy to go up and actually function as a member of this society. I updated my journal for a bit and decided to read The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. Shortly, I took a break to that and decided to just write. I just dumped my whole head into a piece of paper while listening to Come Back...Be Here (Taylor's Version). I also read Beach Read for a bit while listening to Timeless (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault). I think I can enjoy life even when it gets repetitve. Sylvia Plath is so right. And so is The Little Prince. He did the same routine everyday and still managed to be happy. My brother has been customizing his character on Roblox and as someone who was so obsessed with making up new outfits like every week (thanks Ria), I needed to give him some tips. It wasn't really anything, I just made him download a few extensions. He then showed me Legend of Speed and he started bragging about how he was on top; obviously I took it as a challenge. At first I told him I'd simply exploit. He said I'd get banned. Fair point. Then, I was like, okay, I'll just auto press keys then. Sadly, I had no time to look for whatever appliction because I was getting called down to eat so I needed to improvise. I made this thing out of Legos which actually gave me a cut and I have no idea how. Some would say I'm such a cheater but this is a way of fun with my brother. It was funny, he even helped me and everything. I also taught my baby brother how to play Roblox while we were hanging out in my my brohter's room. I gave him my Mac and had to sit him through the controls. I am such a cool sister.

July 22, 2023

My fountain ink needed a refilling. I separated the section with the nib and the feeder from the barrel and grabbed my ink bottle. I have a converter so it's a pretty simple process. And yet, I still managed to screw up. I've been using fountain pens for like a few years now. I think it started when I was rereading The Diary of Anne Frank like three whole years ago or something. One minor wrongly calculated move (I am being overdramatic for story-telling reasons) and I spilled half the ink bottle into my quite literally all white setup. Which you'd think that this would not be salvageable and I'd be left with a stain reminding me of how clumsy I am forever. But, no. Wrong. My ink's water soluble. I know that's not exactly the best since literally everything I've ever written would disappear as long as there's water contact but hey, it's useful in situations like this. I just wiped it off. I somehow even managed to make my white keyboard look like it never went to the great ink war. Poor things. I have no idea why I talked about spilling my ink in such detail but I'll move past that. I had my dermatologist appointment again. Same routine, very boring. We went to visit our grandma too. When I went to her house, I saw a picture of me and my older brother on the mantel and I just stared at it for quite sometime. In fact, my brother even felt obliged as to sneak up behind me and ask me why I was reminiscing in a very condescending way. He did the same exact thing after I stopped looking at the picture. I think it's just this humor he has where he always have to make fun of me of every little thing I do even when they're completely normal. It's not a bad thing. I think it's funny. I hope I'm explaining myself well. It's like a sister-brother thing. Once him and mom got into an argument and I heard him shout that only I get him. Very true. We went from being at each other's neck 24/7 do being the two closest beings with a weird relationhip of kind of hating each other ever. It's funny I swear. I don't know if I'm going that thing again but I'm gonna miss him when he goes to college. We were never really close to any of our cousins or anything. There's a bunch of family problems separating it and it's a very long story that I think I've only ever told Sirko and Skylar about. They have a complicated family thing too. It breaks me. The fact that they undertood how messy my family is. There's this other topic that surround this family problem thing that has been taking a huge toll on me this summer. I refuse to talk about it or acknowledge its existence because it's out of my control anyway. This is my last summer as a teenager and it sucks. This is completely out of topic but I think there's only ever one thing I've regretted in this whole life I've managed to live so far. The fact that I chose studying for midterms over my brother's 18th birthday. I'm sorry. It was all that mattered in my life that time. Now that I learned that maybe it isn't everything, I deeply regret it. I get it now. Anyway, this entry is getting kind of depressing. To add unto that, my parents are the biggest people pleasers ever. Not entirely. I think they're more of just nice people. They both carry so much baggage and I've watched them deal with it for so long. Sometimes that whole weight might result in their surpressed stress getting directed into us, bu they're trying their best. It doesn't excuse anything but it makes me understand them. Wow, if I were writing a book, I would so highlight that previous line I just wrote. But you know, that goes for a lot of people. I'll always try my best to understand people. Back to my day, I cried on the whole car ride because of this other problem I had in mind. Then I received a bunch of messaged from Brie telling me how pretty I was and that she was lucky she gets to see me so often. It was so random and yet I received that when I needed it the most. She literally had no idea how ugly I felt this day. On top of everything, I'm very overwhelmed. I have no idea where I'm getting all of what I've said from, but that's a lot.

July 21, 2023

I had to teach my baby brother how to write his name again, and his name is quite long. To encourage him, I promised him a reward for each letter he wrote perfectly. Looking back, I honestly was pretty lenient. I spent the whole day playing with him and doing what he wanted. The last time, he did terribly and so he couldn't get anything he wanted. I think it serves as a pretty fair lesson. I mean, it should be logical that if you put in effort into something, you'd get what you want. Now one might argue and say that that wouldn't be the case in the "real world". But honestly, the effort I'm talking about goes beyond instant gratification; it's more about making long-term investments in refining your skills, critical thinking, and problem-solving abilities. You can always blame the world for not being fair, but if you can stomach failures and learn from them, you'll eventually figure out any challenges. I used to play the game Special Forces Group 2 with my cousins. At first, we all firmly believed that playing against computer was just impossible. Take note that we were still children, because I know this makes me look stupid. But we played every single day and one day we kind of just learned where they'd peak and pre-aim there. It was a pattern easily recognizable.. Soon enough, even the hard mode became easy for us. This example may, I'd say is pretty weak, but it still illustrates my point. Back to the main story, After I did everything for my baby brother, I made him Bloop. I'm actually god and can sculpt anything so that part was pretty easy. After I finished with that, I went back to coding. I also bought cosplay stuff. So epic.

July 20, 2023

More coding. I am still far from done. The old moon follows me. I talked to people today. Not my usual people. When the sun began to set, I invited my baby brohter out to teach him how to sword fight. I told him that when I cut off one of his limbs he's supposed to pretend they're dead and hide them. The goal is for one of us to hit each other's vital spots. Which would usually be the heart. Obviously there's other advanced techniques and vital points but he's a child and he's not ready for that knowledge yet. It honestly feels great that I'm doing my duty as his sister and passing down all the things that made my childhood. Now this whole sparring or like sword duel would be great and all except he was using an actual wooden sword. This gave me actual physical damage. I had to cut it off after a while because at one point I just started running away. Then I told him that his sword was a grass cutter and he can cut grass with it. That kept him occupied for a bit. Then we went back home. I played the piano for a bit then went to sleep relatively early.

July 19, 2023

I've been working on my brawler game. I am turning into a hermit with all this coding. It's going great so far. I made a bunch more graphics and, you know, animating for my sprites, all that stuff. Then, remaking the same graphics I had just worked on. I love coding; it's so rewarding. I always just either get a yes or a !yes. Ha, get it? I'd know if I succeeded or failed with all my efforts, and I usually find a way around it. I've had times when I've given up and looked for another solution too, but I've only ever been temporarily stuck. I guess if you spend your time around something enough, you'll somehow either find its solution, coexist with its broken state, or use the error as something bigger than a whole.
I discovered a new emotion today. I told Sirko about it. I was past my bedtime since we do have very different timezones (sorry Wacky). At first, I was just making fun of her, as we usually do. I sent her a bunch of voicemails with my evil laughs and barely cohesive teases, then we got serious. I had this thought that has been lingering for quite a while. Whenever I'd think about it, my heart would genuinely ache. I never thought that ever happened in real life. I've always thought of it as more of a metaphor, but turns out it was real. It's such a new emotion for me – wanting something so much, you gain something to lose. What a complicated paradox. Anyway, Sirko now has yet another secret of mine that she seriously needs to take with her to the grave. I miss Sirko.

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July 18, 2023

I woke up around 6 am because I have full control of my body, and it's so awesome because I'm just that skilled in living life. I spent the whole morning listening to a lot of podcasts while doing some mundane tasks like an NPC. I'm really glad there's media available for me to listen to countless other people talk about their experiences. I genuinely enjoy hearing about what they've learned in life, especially when it's just them talking in front of a camera without any fancy editing or other equipments. I try to limit my consumption of social media, particularly platforms where we interact too much with people we don't even know, and where parasocial relationships are formed. I don't consider YouTube or certain main messaging applications (Instagram) as traditional social media because one is for communication, and the other, at least for me, provides me with personalized and more often that not, educational entertainment. The social media I restrict myself from are those that turn your brain off, the ones where you can mindlessly scroll for hours in. Of course, sometimes it's necessary to give my brain a little break too. I'm not excusing myself, and I won't be a hypocrite because obviously I'm a teenage girl with a smartphone so I do still consume quite a decent amount of the unproductive media but that's besides the point. I love being an observer of people, but it's a very specific type of people that I enjoy observing. It's hard to explain, but it makes sense in my brain. I started also reading Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life," and it's pretty cool. Whole afternoon onwards, I resumed my coding and basically worked on that the entire day. I decided that my character would be a ninja and started developing that concept. I haven't thought much of it through; I'm just pulling ideas from nowhere, but it's going great so far. Of course, I encounter a bunch of errors every 10 minutes, but that's to be expected when coding anything. I created the graphics and everything myself, so although it's tedious, it makes me so much cooler.

July 17, 2023

This morning, I was tutoring my baby brother, and he was being so stubborn. He'd do this thing where whenever he knew he was wrong he'd act stressed and do a quick whine of frustration if that makes sense. Then he started talking about his little interests and I was half listening. Until he mentioned Exogorth. See, I'm usually not fully paying attention whenever he talks, but this time, he was talking Star Wars. I searched it up and it was literally a creature that appeared in the show for almost a milliesecond. I promised him that I'd make him an Exogorth if he could write his name perfectly. I'm pretty much god and can make anything so he tried his best. But I also warned him that he needs to put it pass our mom's legibility test. He did not succeed so I didn't make him one. I wanted him to learn that there are consequences in life and you can't always get what you want just because you "tried". After that, I spent some time catching up on my blog. I wrote a lot today and took a look back at the past week. Didn't really do much else, to be honest. Writing these blog entries is almost like a whole entire hobby. I'd easily resolve this if I wrote my drafts a little cleaner so I could just copy and paste all of them, but no. I ended up going to bed early at 10 PM.

July 16, 2023

I was going to go out but The Dark Reunion is haunting me again. I decided I'd stay in to save myself from the harsh reality of being who I am biologically. So, I continued my day with only one plan in mind: Coding a new webpage. I created a bunch of new graphics. Sadly, I ended up scrapping the one I spent most of my time on. These sacrifices are very essential because my website would only look ugly if I choose to force something only because I already spent my time on it. I think that's dumb. It wouldn't serve me any good purpose on the long run and I'd only despise it anyway; it's good I disposed it. Which goes for a lot of things. Exhibit 1: Friends. In the TV series Suits, Mike Ross has this friend named Trevor. He's almost like a metaphor. It's a friend he has been attached to solely for the reason that they go way back and all he has ever done is ruin his life. Quite literally. He forgives him every single time and even when he had managed to cut him loose, he still comes back. He's like a dead weight that would only drag you down. But Mike can't get rid of him because he already knows a lot and he spent a lot of time being his friend. He's creating his own paradox. I hate that dude. Back to me coding, I was just winging everything, so it was this series of trial and errors. The new page is designed to display the game I was working on just the other day.
I'm planning to sleep early because I have this genius idea. What if I start sleeping early? It would serve two purposes: fixing my sleep schedule and matching my time with Wacky's. It's like killing two birds with one stone, although personally, I wouldn't harm any birds, so I'll use my own metaphor of obtaining two items from an arcane machine. That's always a good thing, right?
With everything that has been happening recently, I have come to the conclusion that boredom is a good thing and is a step closer to meditation. I want to experience boredom again. Theb more (Wacky's made up word which is basicaly having a web of thoughts). I should also stop mentioning him in my blog because once I look back on this, there's no turning back. But then again, maybe I'll take a gamble and talk about him as much as I think about him, hoping we won't end up being part of the 98% of people who... I bet I'm already jinxing it.

July 15, 2023

Everyone is exhausted. We all slept at around 5-7 AM, which is obviously not good. So, it was Brie, Tony, me, and Bokuto. I was running really late because I decided to sleep in for a bit. I have to admit, that extra sleep was still so beneficial. I also had an appointment, so I had to get that over with quickly too. Before I left, my younger brother asked me to buy him a sword, and I was planning to get him one anyway. I didn't plan on cosplaying, but I did pull out my Trafalgar Law hoodie. If you know him, his whole outfit is actually really easy to replicate. All I needed now was a hat and his kikoku sword. I decided to do my cosplay on-site.
I met up with Brie at the convention, and I took some time to fix myself up. A few seconds later, I finally completed my cosplay and got my sword and hat. Brie was dressed as Quanxi, Bokuto was Ichigo, and Tony was Cartman. We went around the booths, I had to deviate from my usual route and convention rules because, I swear, they were everywhere all at once. Tony got tired and sat down for a bit, so we joined him. I bought the sword my younger brother wanted, and Tony also bought a water gun. We sat back down, and I showed them my sword skills. They're really just variations of the Obi-Ani spin. It's a bit harder with the flat hilt, so it kind of hurts more when I spin it compared to a normal lightsaber. I thought we were having fun.
Later on, we decided to grab some food because none of us had eaten since we woke up. Bokuto wanted to stay for the concert, and Tony assured us that he would be fine on his own. We went to IKEA and then looked for food. The lines were long everywhere, so it took us a while to find something to eat. In the end, we got milk tea, and Brie had to leave, so I said my goodbyes. I told them I would find my parents and get home safely. I picked up some takeout from a Japanese restaurant and headed home. I fell asleep on the way back, and when I woke up, apparently the whole hangout didn't go well. You see, I'm very not good at reading the room, and I usually receive positive feedback from people I hang out with. I could've sworn we were all getting along. I guess Bokuto and Brie weren't exactly on good terms, but I swear that was even before I arrived.
Anyway, I got home and decided to learn more sword tricks. I focused mostly on the windmill. I already knew the basic flow, so I just refined that skill. I tried out a bunch more tricks from random tutorials I found until my arms cramped up. I figured I had practiced enough to recreate them whenever someone has a sword or any kind of staff, and I can show off my skills. Oh, and I also gave my younger brother his green katana, and he was so happy. Fun fact, he waited by the main entrance of our house like a dog, eagerly waiting for my return. He didn't even shower. My mom sent me a video of him crying, saying I left him and went to Japan. Luckily, my older brother, Luke, made him a makeshift sword out of paper. I followed my nighttime routine, and then my younger brother knocked on my door, asking if we could have a sword fight. I went to my older brother's room, where we usually hang out, and played around for a bit.
When I returned to my room, I noticed I had a few missed calls. Brie was crying. I wrote out a solution graph on my whiteboard, hoping it would at least lighten the mood. How horrible.

July 14, 2023

Woke up extremely late. I had breakfast and lunch, like two separate meals, in the span of an hour. I was starving. I know I said I finished my game Cy Run but, it needs a few refining. I went back to coding. I also saw Skylar messaged. It completely slipped my mind that the new The Summer I Turned Pretty season is out! He's been wanting to watch it with me and Sirko but I honestly think that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Incase I forget, I'll put her how I turned my .py file type into a .exe one with icon. So I converted the .py into .pyw, I installed pyinstall (pip install pyinstaller), created a one-file bundle executable (pyinstaller.exe --onefile --icon=icon.ico CyRun.pyw), bundled it again because I don't know which one works (pyinstaller -F CyRun.pyw), then change its icon (pyinstaller -F -i "icon.ico" CyRyn.pyw). I'm pretty sure it's the second one that made it work but I really wouldn't know. I finally published my game and it took me quite a while. Tony beta tested for me at around 4 AM and he modded it. He changed all the graphics into his own and it was funny. Wacky joined VC too.

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July 13, 2023

I am sick. The type of sick that would pass away easily so I'm not too concerned. This is the worst I've felt waking up. I wanted to shower immediately. What a horrible way to start the day. I continued coding and I'm almost done. If I were to approximate, I'd say I can finish this by tonight. I called with Tony and Brie to open the Lego Minifigures we got and I didn't get Baymax. Tony, Brie, and Bokuto invited me to play Bloons so I got it on Steam and played for a bit. I coded some more while waiting for them then Brie and Bokuto decided to prank me and Tony. Their story is that they broke up. Spoiler alert, this aged like milk. I called their bluff immediately and so did Tony. I finally finished my code so that's like a huge weight off my shoulders. I'll publish it on Itch.io tomorrow. We played Bloons and I left early because of reasons. I still slept at around 5 AM

July 12, 2023

It has been an undeniable reality that, this past week, by the time I even wake up, the majority of the people inhabiting this planet have already completed all their tasks and errands. I swear I'll fix my sleeping schedule once I finish the coding projects I've been working on. This fact became evident when my brother woke me up and asked me to text his girlfriend and tell her to call him if she needed anything (he's going to be temporarily blind for a while and will not be able to read her texts) because in the long duration that I was asleep, he had already undergone an operation, and I was completely clueless.
There was a concert I had to attend, even though I didn't really want to go. I pullef out energy from nowehre and got ready due to some weird force compelling me. The rain was pouring heavily, and I felt so lazy to even move. I arrived at the venue and somehow managed to get in. The line was long, and I suggested to my friends that we should just ditch it. As it turned out, I was ten steps ahead because the concert ended up being an absolute disaster. The rain became so intense that everyone was drenched. The event was eventually canceled. It was nothing but a waste of time. Since I had decided to skip it, I got to satisfy my cravings and headed to Shake Shack. Tony and Brie joined me, and we had some pretty serious talks. Although I had escaped the rain by avoiding the concert, the temptation was too strong, and I couldn't resist running in the rain. We also had a karaoke session, starting and ending it with absolute bangers. We bought blind bags of Lego minifigures, but I cheated a bit by feeling the packages to try and get Baymax (Spoiler Alert: I didn't get Baymax). When I returned home, my throat was sore, likely from all the screaming during karaoke. I ordered McDonald's and passed out.

July 11, 2023

Today is a day for socializing. Ria has been a cast in this play for quite some time, and today marks her final show. She was playing the role of the lamp lighter in The Little Prince. I think I wrote about her first show in my blog back in January and she was the Fox then. The performance starts in the afternoon, so I decided to meet up with Brie beforehand. I saw her and we just walked around, looked at some Legos, and tried looking for Sonny Angels because Brie took an interest on them. Then we went to the dog cafe we always go to. I had wings and biscoff. Shortly after, Teth joined us, and we caught up on each other's lives. It wasn't awkward at all; every conversation sailed smoothly. We also bought flowers for Ria. I chose pink ones because, although I'm not a flower expert, I know pink does perfectly equate to Ria. We arrived at the school and watched Ria's play. She was absolutely awesome. Since Teth had recently returned to our school after years of studying in another country, we gave him a tour of the campus to show him all the changes that had occurred. I went home super tired and decided it would be so cool to memorize a bunch of lines from Star Wars. At night, while in the same voice chat I always join, I was streaming and accidentally revealed my super secret entirely compiled encryption code. Tony clipped it, so now he has more blackmail material on me. I continued coding and creating graphics until 4 AM. Wacky briefly joined, and I freaked out because I heard his voice.

July 10, 2023

My mom or whoever in the house woke me up early for tech support, which honestly just felt like I was lucid dreaming. I probably just turned whatever it was they asked me to fix on and off. I went back to sleep after. I did some more Pygame throughout the day. My eyes are drier than the Sahara Desert. They are very strained from all the coding I've been doing. I'm enjoying this, though. I love learning, especially when it isn't forced. I like it when the lectures I watch have those interactive pause-to-solve-on-your-own little activities too. I always get them right. I slept at around 5 AM again. I've been sleeping really late this past week. I'm going to fix that soon. This time, I couldn't sleep because a friend of mine was crying over his ex and listening to Olivia Rodrigo songs.

July 09, 2023

It was Python last night, now I'm doing the Cs50 Introduction Course from Harvard. It took about 2 hours and I took notes. I paused a lot so it consumed quite a bit of my day. After that, I started learning Pygame. This time, I will indulge in experimmetial learning or learning by doing since this is how I've learned literally everything I know about coding. I can even go as far to say that applying all those theoretical concepts and just free-handing everything is the only way you can truly learn coding. It's gonna take a gazillion errors and a few staring at your monitor for 10 hours straight trying to find the said error but it's always so worth it. I'm following this tutorial on Youtube that I think is the first to pop when you search up Pygame. Obviously, I'm not fully following it and customized the code a bit because I'm a masochist and I always make things harder for myself.
I'm tracking Wacky's flight. He knew I liked Taylor's song Last Kiss and made me relate to it. Exact lyrics on the exact date. So real. I'm depressed now (I'm kidding).

July 08, 2023

I thought I had a doctor's appointment, and my body clock just woke itself up; I was wrong. Too bad, now I am sleep deprived. I binge-watched all of Ryan Trahan's new One Week Penny Challenge thing. The last summer I spent with that series part of my morning routine was actually such a good time. I'm glad it came back, even if it was just for a short period of time. I coded for a bit and had a quick light bulb moment. I want to make three games: a dungeon crawler game, an endless running game, and a brawler. How will I make this? I have no idea. I'll figure it out when I work on it.
I tutored my baby brother, which I haven't been doing, and he remains so stubborn. He was crying each time he wrote a single letter, which I swear he could do before. I feel bad, but this is an inevitable Asian phase he has to go through.
I went out with my family for dinner. I listened to Wacky's audio blog (my podcast now) on the way. I ate the best vegetables I will ever taste in my whole entire life. I like the place we went to. It has so many greeneries. Before everyone else started finishing their food, I briefly excused myself and grabbed some Starbucks to satisfy my thirst and sweet tooth after the salty (it wasn't bad, it was the perfect amount of salt, but you know what I mean?) meal. When we finally got home, I skated outside for a bit, then played the piano. I did a cover of "Vampire" by Olivia Rodrigo and got ready for bed.
Since I had planned on making games earlier this game, I decided to restudy the basics of Python using a book. I took notes all night while Tony was playing Only Up and suffering from a cold, and Brie was drunk in VC. Another friend joined the call and noticed my stream, to which he asked, "Why are you studying this late at night?" It was like 4 AM at that point.

July 07, 2023

I wore purple for Speak Now (Taylor's Version). It was awesome. I wish Sirko was with me so we could have had a listening party like we did last time with Midnights. I listened to the entirety of the album while talking to Nefer. It's been a while since we last actually talked. She's getting Japan tickets for Taylor too, and now we're just hoping we can win in the lottery system they have. Taylor also changed the lyrics for "Better Than Revenge," which was one of the main things I think I should point out. I don't mind it as much and I hate changes. I mean, Taylor would have still received backlash if she kept the older version. I Can See You is my song by the way. I am claiming it.
Reece Daniels is literally my soulmate. He looks like Anakin and I've been watching a lot of his videos. Such a down to earth dude.
I just remembered, Nefer sent me this conversation she had with her friend, and the way other people talk about me is insane. In the best way possible. Keeping my very mysterious profile is a good thing after all. People somehow knew where I lived and even my cars. Long story short, the way my lifestyle is being described is like living the dream. I mean, I know how to appreciate it, so I could say I like how I live, I guess?

July 06, 2023

I have absolutely no rest. I still feel bad for Sirko. I uploaded a bunch of footages from my digicam into my laptop so I could edit it in iMovie. I mean, I only plan on comipiling it anyway. I fixed my stuff and headed to the farm house. The ride was relatively quick since I had the aux again. When I got there I played with my dogs. I tried reading for a bit but that didn't work out. I played with the kids. My baby brother has like some friends in the neighborhood so that's awesome. So there's Bonnie and Milo, Bonnie is like 6 years old, I think. Milo's younger but I just didn't ask. He carried this excavator and played with the dirt a lot. My baby brother was obviously the most chaotic getting animals out of their cages and carrying them freehand. I had to keep watch of them. We went to the aviary and I swear my baby brother has no fears. Anyway, I biked with my baby brother but he only wanted to go around the roundabout so not even long after, I started getting dizzy and had to ditch him. He got frustrated because he was slow and couldn't catch up. While I was ridng the bike, I realized I forgot my glasses and that awareness made me even more dizzy. I slept on the couch after which is literally my favorite sleeping place ever. And I sleep everywhere.

July 05, 2023

Writing is hard. I always somehow manage to either overexaggerate something or underplay it. I'm going to try my best to objectively describe this day. I went on my first very non-romantic date yesterday. I'm kidding; it wasn't platonic. You see, I had originally planned on narrating this story completely opposite from how Wacky has written it in his own online journal, but I'm scratching that idea.
I am dying. No, not exactly. I shouldn't be. While Wacky was having a solo date with himself, I was still sleeping. See, that's just horrible. I think I still arrived at the original meet-up time, so that's good. I had to get my glasses at my other house because I left them there. Normally, I just wouldn't wear my glasses because I'm stupid anyway, but I wanted to see Wacky. That, and I was so dizzy that the default dizziness I get from not wearing my glasses alone was only going to amplify my horrible state. Yesterday, I wrote down that I wasn't exactly feeling well. I woke up so nauseous. That feeling eventually died down, but I was cursing my friends because they should've told me not to do all the things I did yesterday (they did tell me, but I'm stubborn).
I arrived at the mall, and when I asked him where he was, he told me he'd find me. It was like a game of manhunt or hide and seek. But see, I have simply never lost in any game ever (I have, but my fingers are crossed, so I'm not lying). I obviously won. See, while he was telling me he was my stalker and could easily find me, I spotted him first. Then I ran away. But then I lost sight of him. I think he went up. I didn't know that. I was looking around everywhere again while he made fun of me. A rookie mistake. I decided to cheat. The best way to find someone is through a hawk eye's view, which was going to the very top floor. Okay, in my defense, this wasn't exactly cheating. I just needed a better and expanded vision. By pure coincidence, I actually found him there. I totally won. We went to a Japanese restaurant and sat across from each other. I can barely fathom the fact that I am sitting in front of a very good-looking person who might potentially like me back. My nerves got to me, and I was covering my face from feeling the heat creep up my whole face. I was literally restless. I couldn't even keep a single second of eye contact. It wasn't helping that he was straight up staring. At times he didn't, I was the one staring. Is that rude? Somehow, he managed to pay for the food even though I don't let anyone pay for anything ever. The thing is, he did that the entire day. Now I owe him a lot. We got ice cream because he had a dream once where he (as Spiderman) took out for ice cream. He is still very clingy, and I like it. I like touchy people. Then we sat down on random benches and chatted a lot. He managed to convince me (somehow) to watch Insidious with him. We walked around, waiting for the showing, and we listened to music. He made me listen to some of his playlists, and I made him listen to my favorite song. After a while of just being with each other's company, we were finally allowed inside the cinema. The film was lowkey milked from the franchise. It's like what they did with Annabelle—pure jump scares, no story, and they were all poorly made scenes too. This whole movie could've been condensed into 5 seconds at the ending of the last film or something. We cuddled, platonically, okay. I had severe butterflies. We went to check out Legos; he was so cute. I was staring at him even when I refused to let him look at me. Anyway, we wandered off again, went to Panda Express for dinner because I love orange chicken. He paid again. I've never been fuller. I am stuffed. I could be one of the victims of the witch in Hansel and Gretel. He had this lying joke he kept up for a while, and it was funny. He's so funny. Then we went to the park, and he laid down on my lap, and I played with his hair while exchanging stories and stuff. It was fun. The day ended, and I had to leave first, but I told him my dream, and we made an unbreakable pinky-index finger sealed with the thumb unbreakable promise because I told him if I told him my dream, he can't chase after me. I told him my dream. I kissed him in the dream, by the way. Apparently, he wanted that, and that was his dream too, but too bad. I got milk tea before I got home and died. I'm still hungover from yesterday, not as much, but it was enough to make me extra tired at the end of the day.

July 04, 2023

I woke up early, but then I fell back asleep, causing my day to start later. I got up and prepared myself for the day since I had plans to hang out with my friends, Rhett and Skylar. I braided my hair and didn't really bother making myself look presentable since it's just them anyway. I got my skateboard and soccer ball then went on my way to my other house. The day was absolutely epic. We skated for a bit, tried out tricks (that I did not succeed landing), wanted to do ramps but was refused too since it was too dangerous, then went back to the house. I ordered pizza and while waiting, we just caught up. It's been a while since the actual three of us hung out. I'd say about 3 years. We obviously have our own group chat and are still highly in touch. But this little hangout was way long over due. I owe them so much. We talked about the randomest to the most controversial stuff ever. I'll share this one thing Rhett told me because I thought I looked cool and it's such a main character moment. He asked about where I was with my piano and I told him I still play. He told me he remembered back in 8th grade, he heard me once from the music room in school playing Fur Elise and was so amazed by it. Isn't that so cool? It's like I lived a book scenario and I never even knew. The food arrived and we went out to eat there while playing basketball. When we finished, I had this super awesome idea of doorbell ditching. We went around the village and profiled every house ever. The first block we were at was an absolute mission impossible. The houses were placed in a circular way so that was just, no. We looked and looked until we found our very first victim. Skylar and Rhett had crocs on and went on sports mode. We were planning our route and everything. We were taking turns and Skylar went first. He was about to hit the doorbell when Rhett saw a CCTV. So that was a fail. But obviously, we continued. Skylar looked for another house and did the doorbell ditch. It was such a good time. It was a whole cycle of profiling, planning, doorbelling, and running. There was this one house in particular that was very... risky. So while we were walking around, we passed this girl with walking her dog and the dog peed on the house's owner's car wheels. The owner got so mad he went out and started scolding the poor girl. Rhett was like "You know what would be a great idea? If we did the dude who got his car wheel's peed on." I had a camera with me, and I just stood super far away from them. This was my idea and all, but I don't think I'd be able to run that fast. I watched them for a distance and when the time came to run, I did. The pizze was killing us. We ran for so long until I found this little alley that I swear was bestowed to us by the gods. We went there and we took a break. No in fact, we were so tired, we went home (which is now referred to as the safe house). We talked some more and the topic became a lot heavier. Skylar thought it'd be a great idea if he got alcohol. We went outside and we drank (with permission from Wacky, I swear). I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. I laid down on the floor, I was doing soccer drills, I didn't eat nor did I drink water, I'm dying tomorrow. Oh, and for the heavy topic, when I got home, home, I had to break the news to Sirko which was terrible. I showered, went to bed, then I called Wacky and told him about today until I fell asleep.
Reese Daniels is my soulmate.

July 03, 2023

I saw the early sun. Nice. I found out Sabrina Carpenter will be doing a show here so I called Ria to try and convince her to come with me for the concert. I'm literally Sabrina's Emails I Can't Send album.
I went to the mall and did girl stuff.
I watched The Flash with my brother and it was spontaneous so I was wearing like... not much. It's a good thing that the movie was relatively good-ish or atleast it kept me alive with the amount of cameos so I didn't feel the cold cinema air at all.
Okay, this Flash movie was another reset, and I know the DC universe has been resetting so much, and I hate it too. But literally, all their actors are quitting, so too bad. They introduced the concept of multiverses, and I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, like that hasn't been done a gazillion times by Marvel." WRONG. In fact, fun fact, The Flash was the first ever to introduce the concept of multiverses in its comics. Flash back to 2 years ago, I told everyone, "OMG, Snyder's cut, the 4-hour-long movie that has the weird dimension of the Justice League where he was given freedom as director, blah blah blah." They did the Flashpoint when he went back in time by a couple of seconds to stop the thing from getting destroyed and history on the Flashpoint. The Reverse-Flash, Flash himself, created the Flashpoint timeline by traveling back in time to stop him from killing Barry's mother. Now we all know Reverse-Flash, the yellow guy who goes back in time, blah blah Black Racer, Black Flash. How do I know it's not Reverse-Flash? Besides him not being yellow, well, he said the line where he says time and death are conceptual in the Flashpoint. It's in the comics. Oh, they introduced the inevitable intersection, which is basically a canon event too, or an absolute point like in "What If?" There are so many cameos. So, if I remember correctly, General Zod, Gal Gadot, Ben Affleck, which was as insane as when I saw Ezra Miller because one is supposed to be in jail and the other, I'm pretty sure, quit because of Justice League, and he said he'd never do it again. Michael Keaton, who, by the way, was the one who said, "I'm Batman," in the Flashpoint. Jay Garrick, the first Flash with the tin hat. Nicholas Cage as Batman. Christopher Reeve's first Superman.
After the movie, I became Flash. I'll never get tired of claiming characters and acting like them after I watch any movies in the cinema. I think it's a funny bit. I'm pretty sure it's very common for everyone to experience the post-movie effect.
I got banned from Instagram AGAIN.

July 02, 2023

This is becoming a real problem. It's okay. It doesn't exist. Ew. I can't control it, so I won't mind it. I don't think I can consider myself a stoic, but I've read the books, whether it was Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, or even watched some of Ryan Holiday's videos. It's a whole rabbit hole. It's honestly so useful. Like little things you learn and bits of knowledge you acquire from the words and experiences of other people. I've learned a lot from that small hyperfixation I had before. The only thing I can control in my current situation is how I react to it. If I let it affect me, I'd lose. The dichotomy of control is a great thing.
Today's a dreadfully mundane day. And yet, there's something about it that I deeply appreciate. It's refreshingly uneventful. I love Ranking of Kings so much, I'm actually obsessed with Bojji. I finished season 1 so that's awesome. I did not partake in much else. I even slept early. Like I slept within the same day early. Such a feat I have not achieved in the longest time.

July 01, 2023

I woke up really early for my orthodontist and dermatologist appointments. I slept a lot today. I can't go out because there's this thing I hate, and it makes me want to vomit. I don't usually hate, but this thing I just pretend doesn't exist, or else I'll be absolutely repulsed. Sirko knows how much this would ruin my summer. Ew. I slept again and watched more Ranking of Kings. My head hurts, and I think I'm going to get sick.
Today's movie of the night is Teen Beach with Tony and Brie again. I have now perfected the skill of talking like a Disney main character. We also have new dance moves for our dance crew, which we just named B-FAB. We tried watching a new movie but I was too tired and they did other stuff too. We just talked until I fell asleep.