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June 30, 2024

I was most definitely half asleep during the first few hours today. I didn’t even start "today" until late in the afternoon. I showered, had lunch, then changed out of the outfit I had barely worn into something more fitting to go to the cinema. The plan was to watch the new Inside Out movie with my family. Time went by so quickly. We went to the mall and had less than an hour to find something to eat. My brother and I separated from everyone and struggled because all the booths we went to only accepted cash. We tried going to the grocery store in hopes of finding good movie food, but we were disappointed since junk food wasn’t cutting it for us. I eventually just settled for a red velvet cookie since I can never go wrong with that. We arrived just in time before the movie started. I cried a total of five times while watching. I may or may not have been self-inserting. But honestly, Joy’s whole speech about her desperation hit way too close to home. It sucks. I couldn’t help but bawl my eyes out. She was just like any other emotion. The only difference was that she was a lot more positive and optimistic, and now this sort of responsibility was thrown at her unsolicitedly. That was never her job, and yet everybody just had to be so mean to her. It happens so often. The whole thing with misery loving company, and people wanting to attribute all their negative traits to the people around them. Unconscious or not, it’s such a major jerk move. Even if someone were to do that since it’s human behavior to have the desire not to be alone, and feeding off of someone who seems well put together just makes sense, it doesn’t excuse any mean conduct. I wish I had a tissue box during the movie. After the movie ended, I ate out with my family. I got myself a frappe before going home too. When we arrived back, I decided to just sit by the piano and play a couple of songs. I was sad. I was frustrated too. It was for reasons I don’t think I’d be able to point out. I let it pass, took a shower, worked out, then called Adrian. We stayed up until 4 AM again. It’s been a daily thing to sleep late with him, and it’s getting pretty concerning. We played some more Roblox fighting games and had some bets on the line. He was so attractive. He always is, but I made him wear a backward cap, and I have this weird attraction to that look, so I was staring a lot. He did the same anyway. He liked the top I had on or something. I still owe him a selfie with my hair up, but I told him I’d take it some other time. I really don’t see what he sees in me. But I’m glad that he appreciates me as much as I do him.

June 29, 2024

I am suffering from a post-Star Wars rewatch syndrome. I’ve been quoting lines from Revenge of the Sith almost every chance I get. Adrian isn’t helping either because he’s bringing balance to the Force by completing the dialogue with me. I love him for that, but I seriously need to stop. I didn’t really do much this morning. I slept for the majority of it before showering, then having breakfast. I had to go out straight after that. We visited our grandmother, so I was already expecting a tiring trip. I’m still not sure why I always get so drained whenever I go on long car trips despite not even doing anything, but I do. On top of that, I seriously do not have the social battery for any family gatherings. So that wasn’t the coolest. When we got there, I gave my respects to my grandmother, then sat down in a corner with my brother and just wasted time by going on my phone. I was texting Sirko. We had the most comical conversation. I was hysterical trying to hold in my laughter. I overshared something I definitely shouldn’t have, but at least I got a good laugh from it. We went home after a while. The trip back was even worse. I struggled to sleep because of how all over the place my baby brother was in the back seat, and when I did manage to fall asleep, I woke up with a horrible body ache. I was so tired. We all collectively agreed to move our plans of going out to watch the new Inside Out movie in the theater to tomorrow. Arriving back home, I inputted the password into our front door, then flopped down on the sofa. I took a shower, ate, worked out, then video-called Adrian. It was a pretty long day. I played Roblox with Adrian too. I had to let out my pent-up anger (disclaimer: I wasn’t mad at all) since he was consecutively picking fights with me. We played the Jujutsu Shenanigans game, and we had so much fun. We were killing each other for an hour straight. I was defeating him a bunch of times in the first few rounds that he literally brought out his controller and started being a try-hard. I had fun. Until he told me he actually had to wake up early, and I felt betrayed (I didn’t) because I made him promise to tell me whenever we had to sleep early.

June 28, 2024

I had left the blinds in my bedroom closed. It was cold, and the air was still. The temperature of my room felt like how I remembered it from my childhood. I showered and made my bed. I hoped for a slow and quiet day. I had breakfast downstairs while watching some Lego Star Wars animation videos. It was an activity that just made so much sense to partake in today. The clouds, which I knew contained rain, blocked the sun, so it was very dark in my room. But I stayed there anyway. I received a call from Adrian, and that was definitely a big mistake on his part because I ended up forcing him to watch LPS skits with me. It didn’t last for long, though. I had an appointment I had to go to. So I did that, then got myself a new pencil for my iPad. I ate out with my family, then when I got home, I showered, skipped my workout, and considered today a rest day. Instead, I drew for a while. I video-called Adrian again, and we finally decided to rewatch Revenge of the Sith. My absolute favorite. I’ll never be able to find the right words to describe my love for that episode, so I’ll just leave it at that. I know so much dialogue from the episode like the back of my hand. Whenever I watch ROTS, I get the worst heartaches from it. I will be rewatching it again soon once I recover. Adrian promised to watch it with me again. Once we finished, we had to debrief on everything, reenact the scenes, and then draw Anakin. I swear Adrian is so perfect.

June 27, 2024

I have the urge to read another book. It’s all I want to do this entire summer. I managed to finish a chunk of Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Orient Express today. My detective board is really starting to take shape. It’s expanding with all the new notes I’ve been taking and taping up on my wall. I like it. My day went on a rotation with me doing my usual daily routines and finishing up that book. It got dark outside pretty quickly. I played the piano for a bit until I let the frustration of not being able to play well take over me. I’m not saying that I was the problem. I just couldn’t hear anything properly with all the external noises I was hearing. So I gave up and started working out. After that, I hit the showers and went on another call with Adrian. I told him about my book, and we kind of just talked.

June 26, 2024

I really like it when things go my way early on because it sets a good tone for the rest of the day. I mean, don't get me wrong, even in environments that aren’t ideal, I try not to let them affect my mood. But there have been times when I’ve let them get the best of me, and that's something I'm still working on. I read for the whole entire day. I managed to finish another book! I love that so much. I’m finding myself again, and it just feels right. I’ve been finding myself in deep thought a lot. It might be bad for me because I wasn’t thinking of anything creative or productive. I’m going to be the cause of my own downfall one day. Anyway, dinner was nice. I appreciate how my mom remembers whenever I tell her I like a specific food because you can really see the effort she puts into incorporating it into meals. I loved tonight’s call with Adrian. I gave him a whole rundown of the book I just finished. It surprised me how much he remembered from the last time I told him about it. I picked up right where I left off, and I like to think that he was actually invested. I loved the book so much. Don’t let my low ratings fool you. I can never get the critique out of me, especially when I’ve consumed so many books and other media. In comparison to all that I’ve come across, obviously, I’d be inclined to give ratings appropriately. Adrian read me another book before falling asleep too. I don’t remember anything anymore because I’m pretty sure I fell asleep almost immediately, but I’m hoping he doesn’t quiz me tomorrow.

June 25, 2024

I am having my first practical driving test today. I have the afternoon schedule, so I had some time to get more sleep and mentally prepare. I've only been behind the steering wheel twice, but theoretically, I should do well. I am a fast learner. Yesterday's drive went smoothly, and based on the simulations I've rehearsed inside my head, I believe I can pass my test. Initially, I was quite nervous because I have not had any long-term practice. I've probably only had less than an hour of practice in total and was already being taken onto the main road. Anyway, I got ready for the test and put on a regular outfit. When I came downstairs, I was told to change into a t-shirt. After that, I finally left. I met the driving instructor right away, and he was very nice. He made sure to repeatedly confirm my age because I apparently look like I'm 12. I'm not going to deny that – I've always looked younger than my age. He ran through a very brief discussion on some reminders I needed to know about the car, its functions, and some traffic rules. It wasn’t long until he told me to release the brakes and start driving. And I did exactly that. I am a very unreliable narrator, but I personally think I did well. I managed to go through crowded and narrow roads. At one point, he even slept and told me to just wake him up in a while. He went on his phone sometimes too. Okay, he did have to take over the steering wheel at some point, but it was only for a short amount of time. The only problem I had was that I kept on avoiding every car ever and that I was blind. I was seriously not having it with the speed bumps. I could not see them for the life of me. I mean, I didn’t wear my glasses, so I guess that’s a factor as to why I was probably unable to see, but still. We had multiple stops because he wanted to buy himself snacks, and he even had a bathroom break. I was not stressing. In fact, I had way too much undeserved confidence. Needless to say, I loved driving. It felt right. I was texting Sirko whenever I’d find the time during my test too. But I passed, and that’s all that matters. When I got home, I ate the nuggets I’ve been craving for almost every day now, showered, and then slept. I did the same thing right after I woke up too. I ate salmon for protein, showered, then started writing. An hour or two passed by, and I had to get ready for bed. I worked out before hitting the showers for the last time. My baby brother let himself into my room, and I played with him while on a call with Adrian. It was funny because he was scaring my baby brother with the built-in Instagram filters. He kept on picking on me too, so I let my baby brother handle him for a while. My baby brother had to give him the bad news of me being dead. When my baby brother left, I watched Notting Hill with him. It’s his favorite rom-com. I actually really liked it. I loved the ending and especially everything that led up to the famous quote where she confronted him with the whole “and don’t forget, I’m also just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” It was great.

June 24, 2024

I read an article. Written in bold letters: I crossed your name out of my diary. For as long as I’m reading the old pages of my diary, one name would always leave the biggest distaste in my mouth. I was reminded of the book I started writing a few months ago. I never finished it. I have no plans of ever finishing it. It was my best attempt at undoing everything I’ve ever written, an effort at erasing all that was wasted. It would be such a shame if I never published it in some shape or form. So, I’ll leave it here for keepsakes. If anyone’s curious, I am living proof that everything can change. Here’s the Untitled Document.
I was up early. Around 7 AM. It’s my last summer as a high schooler (technically), so I think I could consider that early. I showered and then had breakfast with my parents. I was reading my current book too. I worked out for a bit, went back to reading, and did whatever small tasks I needed to complete. I'm taking up practical driving tomorrow, so my dad let me practice driving around the neighborhood. He was in the passenger seat, and it was a lot less stressful this time. It’s crazy how much I improved over the span of a weekend. I slept it off for a few days and already got the hang of it. I am so impressed with myself. After that, I took another shower and played with my baby brother. He made a mess, which I had to clean up after, but it was fun. I read, worked out, all the usual. I played some guitar and made a cover of Blowing Smoke by Gracie Abrams while waiting for Adrian to go online. I told him all about the book I was reading yesterday. He asked me for updates today too! He started reading Better Than The Movies because I told him it was my favorite rom-com book. We talked about a bunch of random things. I showed him some slideshows I made a while back that I somehow never finished, and he helped me finish them. We did the Top 10 Fumbles in Cartoon History. We agreed on our ranking and discussed each of the fumbles. I really appreciate that he finds all this entertaining. We were supposed to watch a movie, but I might’ve talked a bit too much, so he just gave me a bunch of guitar performances. He’s good. I told him to prop up his phone so I could see him play, and he followed very obediently. He looked so attractive. Until he started forcing me to play some songs for him too. I have never played in front of anyone. Before sleeping, I asked if he could read me another bedtime story, and he found one which, I quote, “thought you’d like.” I did. It was "The Velveteen Rabbit." I love that book. He knows me so well.

June 23, 2024

Listening to Gracie’s new album during my first morning shower is such a good feeling. I have yet to map out a detailed plan that would consume the upcoming week. All I know is that I want to proofread and upload my blog drafts by the end of the day. After completing my usual routines, I took a quick nap and started chipping off on today’s goal. I managed to finish up all of the entries from May, and I’m thinking about doing the rest of it tomorrow. I got a new iPad too! I took the time to set it up and started reading there. I worked out, read some more, worked out for the second time, then simply just read again. It felt nice. I almost went into a spiral at one point. I had this thought that resurfaced. It’s that feeling that made me feel like I’ve been such a horrible person. Like I’m not really doing anything but I do notice how my sensitivity has amplified recently. Whether it’s being easily provoked or overthinking an action I’ve committed. I’ve been trying to shut myself up. I wrote about it in my journal. Because paper is a lot more patient than people. It sucks how I have such a great urge to restart everything. Especially my relationship with people. But it’s not that I want to replace them, I just wish I could’ve done things a lot more differently. But for the most part of today, I was well pleased and happy. During my routine video calls with Adrian, my baby brother knocked on my door and asked if we could play. So we did. I left Adrian in the background and he was pretty much just watching us. I was so tired after my baby brother left that I just lied down in bed telling Adrian to give me a few more (a lot more) minutes to rest before we continue with our conversations.

June 22, 2024

It’s very cloudy today, and they’re doing some remodeling in the house, making it relatively loud. After breakfast, I stayed in my room for the whole day. I did a couple of diary entries and learned to play Gracie’s new album on the guitar. I texted with Adrian for a bit. I finally got to explore the app I downloaded a day or two ago called Medium. It’s a platform where people can share their thoughts in any length they want. The format is more like articles, which I found interesting. The current recommended feed I’ve set up is similar to my YouTube feed, focusing on philosophical, self-help, and mindfulness topics. I didn’t do much else. I worked out, then brought out my journal to expand on a thought I had held in my head for so long that when I finally had time to write about it, I ended up forgetting it. Cruel but poetic. The night slipped past unnoticed. I played a Roblox game called Together with Adrian and we completed all the levels.

June 21, 2024

Gracie’s new album is out. To say that it’s good is an absolute understatement. Her lyrics never fail to accurately describe my current state. It's always been so coincidental how much we sync with our experiences. I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon her in my lifetime. I don’t think there’s any other artist who can articulate emotions I can only hope to put into words. It’s not just the lyrics either. The way she composes them is so perfect. My current favorite, although it was a hard decision, is Tough Love. It talks more about how she’s a radar for every deal breaker (please get the reference). I made an entire playlist about it immediately after first hearing it. I love it so much. Some of the songs, I found myself singing along to before even realizing they were her previous unreleased songs. I am so proud of her. And most importantly, I’m so glad she’s happy now.
I have quite a few things to do today. I got up early because I had an appointment to get some flu shots. I got the flu not so long ago too. I’ve never really been scared of needles, so it wasn’t a struggle. I kind of just brace for that millisecond sting you feel when the needle is injected through your skin. My brother got his check-up too. Then before going home, we got some takeout and had our first meal of the day in the car. After everyone left, my dad let me drive around the neighborhood. I'm still a very slow driver, but I’m learning. It’s actually so fun being the one behind the wheel. I washed my hands and snacked on a few more things before going upstairs and literally right by the stairs, I passed out. Nobody really cared much since they weren’t bothering to wake me up or question my choice of bed. I think they’re used to finding me around looking like a literal body. I slept for a few hours until I was called out for another appointment I had, this time with my orthodontist. So we went back to the hospital, and I got my braces adjusted. The whole constant toothache is inevitable after every appointment I have with my orthodontist, but it’s cool. I listened to Gracie Abram’s new album the entire day. I also talked to Sirko! She got me this t-shirt that reminded her of a niche interest I have. It was so perfect. I took another shower and then ate lunch. I had a pretty decent day so far. I was pissed off for a moment because of this one person, but it’s fine (because I blocked them and out of sight, out of mind or whatever). Adrian also gave Gracie a listen! Super epic. I worked out, cleaned up, and then went on a call with Adrian. I told him the whole saga about the pathological liar friend I’ve mentioned here a few times. Thank God he found everything funny. We talked about that for hours straight. We also played a round or two of Pokémon Showdown. I don’t even recall telling him goodnight.

June 20, 2024

I cleaned out my closet. I had been putting off that task for almost a month now. My room has never been cleaner. The pile of clothes was taking up so much space, and I’m not even exaggerating. They were all clean laundry too. I just couldn’t find it in me to fold them and neatly put them away. My dad taught me how to drive. I’m having some kind of practical test this upcoming week, and I genuinely have only ever driven once my whole entire life. I had oatmeal again, so that’s pretty cool. I talked about it with Adrian yesterday, and I just missed having it. I worked out, showered, and then again, just called Adrian.

June 19, 2024

I had a pretty cool day. I consumed more Star Wars media with Adrian. We called late in the afternoon and continued our marathon with Episode II: Attack of the Clones. It still never gets old. Whenever I watch a movie, I normally write short reviews in my diary entries, but I honestly don’t think I could ever find the words to describe my love for the original Star Wars trilogy and prequel trilogy, no matter how many rewatches I do. I wish I could say the same for its entirety as a franchise, but sadly, since it was sold to Disney, everything has gone downhill. I swear I’m not blinded by nostalgia. I just personally think there could have been a better way to continue the series without disregarding the lore and established plot. No offense to J.J. Abrams though; I love him because he made my literal favorite artist ever. It also made Gracie Abrams biologically connected to Star Wars in a way. It’s perfect. Speaking of Gracie, she has been giving so many spoilers for her new album release that I couldn’t help but learn almost all of them. I even did a cover of That’s So True, another unreleased track she sang with Audrey in one of her shows. Anyway, I did my night routine, had dinner, worked out, showered, and all that. Then I hopped on a call with Adrian again to watch some more Star Wars. We watched the animated film of Clone Wars. If I have to confess, it’s actually my first time watching it in its entirety. I was very invested. Adrian was too. We both weren’t making many jokes. We both slept around 4 AM because of the struggle we have every night whenever we want to end the call but can’t, since we’re both weirdly attached to each other.

June 18, 2024

The events of today were unforeseen. I did not anticipate the early hour I needed to wake up at. I only had 2 hours of sleep, so it was easy to figure out that I wouldn’t be having the best of times today. I was sure grumpy, or at the very least, just a bit more difficult than usual. I was deep in thought for almost the whole day, and the headaches were the consequences of all that thinking. I’m finally getting my student’s driving permit, so that’s cool. I didn’t study for any tests, and I’m pretty sure I just winged it. All I really had to do was wait, and that was about it. I should be able to get my actual license in about a month. While waiting, there was this very aggravated lady arguing with the clerk at the top of her lungs. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but the volume at which she was speaking was very attention-grabbing. It was hard to ignore. She was complaining about how ugly her picture turned out and blaming the person she was talking to. I told my brother it was silly since it’s the face she’s had since birth, and she can’t really make that anybody’s problem. My brother just called her a mouthbreather. I checked, and she was. She also wanted them to edit out her mole or something. I think I just witnessed a Karen live. I was also holding my bladder, which was just so annoying. When I was called up, I took my picture and was just glad it was over. My eyes were actually closed, but I still looked good, so I didn’t mind. I also think I failed the colorblind test since I only got half of the points right, but I’m sure I don’t have problems with colors. After that, I had an early dinner with my family. We went to this restaurant we always go to when we’re in that area. The meal we had was honestly enough to account for the three meals a normal person should have every day, but it’s fine. I got home really late, and I hated that. I was in a bad mood the whole day. I showered and then tried to take naps, but I was unsuccessful. I eventually gave up and just gave Adrian a call. We couldn’t watch Star Wars because of my terrible state, so instead, we just talked. There was a bit of time where we were both quiet because we agreed to write. He was finishing up his annotations on my June 10th entry. I only wrote like 4 lines in my diary since my brain just couldn’t function. When he gave me the annotated version, it took me like a full hour or two to read it. It made me really nervous to read since I knew it would give me butterflies. When I read it aloud, I’d do the thing where I’d extend my comments into whole topics, and I ended up stalling for more time. I did finish after all that, and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. We talked some more until we both fell asleep. Then he gave me another call around 3 AM, and I don’t even know if we conversed again because the recollections I have of that brief call are very faint.

June 17, 2024

It’s a quarter past one. I had just woken up. Adrian was reading me a bedtime story, and I clocked out. He told me he finished the whole story even after I had fallen asleep because he promised he’d read it to me. I find that so sweet. I showered and ate my breakfast. I kept my end of the bet we had yesterday and gave him my diary entry from June 10. He told me he’d annotate it with his perspective of the date. He’s actually so perfect. It reminded me so much of Jess Mariano, like he hasn’t already been doing so. Like the other time, he told me he looked up the bus routes for when we go to college and everything. If you’ve watched Gilmore Girls, you’d know that that’s exactly what Jess did when he found out Rory was going to Yale. He looked it up! I wrote some more diary entries for an hour or two. I did whatever I had to do throughout the day, then worked out, showered, and got on a call with Adrian. We talked for a bit just to see each other before continuing our Star Wars rewatch marathon. We finished Episode 1: Phantom Menace. I loved seeing Ani again. It’s just such a good series, I don’t think I’d ever get tired of it. I loved watching it with Adrian too. He makes everything so funny.

June 16, 2024

I am hoping to accomplish a few things today, most of which are chores I’ve been putting off for a while now. After I finished my morning routine, I caught up on a lot of the diary entries I’ve been keeping in the drafts. It had been collecting dust, and I’m making it a goal to upload them by the end of this week. After that, I had the urge to read but fell victim to the comfort of my bed. I slept three times consecutively. I dreamt in all of them too. I woke up and told Adrian about it. I did some other things and just functioned as a human being. Then I ate dinner, worked out, and hopped on a video call with Adrian. We rewatched two Star Wars movies, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Episode VI: Return of The Jedi. We’re still doing the bit where we’re both pretending we’ve never watched Star Wars before. He’s a really funny dude who happens to find me funny too. I’m not even gonna question his humor because I think it’s great that we match each other well. We had an ongoing bet which he manipulated me into entering, and he ended up winning. We finished around 4 AM, and he was still refusing to go to sleep. It wasn’t long until he ended up reading me one of my favorite stories - The Elves and The Shoemaker. Then I just fell asleep.

June 15, 2024

I slept in longer than I could keep track of. Adrian did too. We are both incredibly sleep-deprived, but he told me he had already paid off his sleep debt. I am years away from achieving that. I woke up and took a shower. I ate breakfast, and not long after, was invited out to swim. I wasn't planning on joining, but I figured I could put off some things I had initially thought about doing today. So I grabbed my towel and headed out with them. The sun burned right through my skin. I guess that’s to be expected. I was in my head the whole time in the water. I can’t point out exactly what it was that was occupying my mind, but I do know that it was a lot. When I got home, I took another shower and listed off things I wanted to be done today. I worked my way through the list continuing on with my day. I ate pizza for lunch too. I cleaned my desk and my room in general, wrote more diary entries, then worked out. I am unable to contain my thoughts. I have no idea what’s up with today, but I’ve been finding myself zoning out at any given hour. It was so bad that I’ve literally chipped off all the gel polish from my nails. I played chess with Adrian during our late-night calls. He ignored me for like 7 minutes because I told him goodnight, then he tricked me, lied to me, then cheated on me. I trusted him, and he literally baited. I didn’t even give it a second thought. All boys are the same. I’m joking. That was on me for falling into his trap. I lost that game, and it was totally fair and square. I love him. He’s actually a god at chess. Like I found it so impressive when I saw his elo. He’s probably the best player I’ve ever played with. Then we transferred back to Instagram since we prefer video calls and stuff. We had our conversations and told each other about our days.

June 14, 2024

I have a date with Adrian. I slept for maybe three hours at most. We might have gone a little overtime last night, but it doesn’t really matter because it was time well spent sharing our perspectives on our story. It’s weird how he’s making this whole relationship thing so easy. I’m not crying or stressing, and all I feel is excitement knowing I’ll be seeing him again. I hope I can give him even half the comfort he gives me. I don’t think he knows how peaceful I feel when I’m with him. He did tell me he felt the same way ever since we first started talking. I hope we never lose that. It wouldn’t take much to convince me that I’ve been dreaming this whole month. I’ve been so happy that it concerns me. I guess I’m just not used to it anymore. I showered and got ready first thing in the morning. I did my makeup and quickly picked out an outfit. I love it when I have plans with people I actually enjoy hanging out with. I went to the mall to meet up with Adrian. I got there with just enough time to deal with a little thing I had. Adrian eventually called me and told me to look for him (it didn’t take him long to actually tell me his location, but I’m convinced I would’ve successfully found him anyway). I saw him and just thought it was so insane that he was my boyfriend. He looked good. I did the awkward wave thing to greet him, and he was smiling back. Writing this and thinking about his smile is making me smile. Is that weird? The first thing we talked about was this construction thing we couldn’t figure out. I still have no idea what they’re building there. I gave him the gift I got him for his birthday, and he was so appreciative of it. I’m glad he liked it. He asked me if I had eaten anything, so we settled down and got food. I mentioned the foods I liked once, and I guess he remembered. We talked about random things. When he was getting our food, he lightly tapped my shoulder from the opposite side to get my attention. I turned, didn’t find him, then turned back. Before I could even react, he was there, leaning in close, giving me a quick kiss. It was so cute. He did the same thing again when he got us coconut shakes. He finished his food first, as he always does, and he promised to do the talking while I finished mine. After that, we walked around so he could show me something we mentioned during our conversations. We were just enjoying our time together. It wasn’t long until we ended up in the bookstore because if you’re hanging out with me, looking at books is inevitable. Except I didn’t even intend on doing that. I just wanted to show him my favorite cat in the mall, who happens to be there too. We had to finish our drinks before going inside. We threw them out, and upon entering, I showed him where Agatha Christie’s section is. It’s pretty obvious that she’d be in the first shelves of the A-Z Fiction genre, but I always make sure to go there whenever I’m in any bookstore. I hated on every book ever. I’ve read a lot of books, and I don’t give the best ratings. Also, Adrian has this little addiction he recently acquired. He’s been kissing me at any chance he could get. Not that I mind, since I enjoy it as much as he does. There was this one time in the Fantasy and Sci-fi aisle when he winked with a click and then pulled me in for a kiss. That’s definitely on top of my rankings of all the kisses he has ever given. We went up another floor to the classics, and he told me about this book called Paradise Lost. You’d think I would’ve known about that book by now, but I hadn’t heard of it before, and I’m so grateful he told me about it. For once, I’m getting back my interest in reading. This dude is really good for me. He’d give me kisses every now and then. By that, I mean anytime we were clear of people’s sight, we’d go for a kiss. Even when I was talking about random things, he was giving me kisses. We went up another floor, and it was very empty. We might’ve made out for a bit. Have I mentioned how insane it is that he’s such a good kisser when I’m literally his first and only kiss? We went back to the main mall and to the arcade. We noticed how the whole place expanded and ate up the Kumon that was supposedly beside it. I won at almost everything except the one where you have to hit the thing with the hammer. I even won at the punching game. His punch was definitely way stronger, though. You could hear it through the impact sound. It just didn’t hit where the sensor was or something. But I won by like a hundred points. I think I can now tell people that I’m stronger than a boxer, right? I won the basketball game too. I even got scouted for such a terrible play. Then the other game he was supposed to win (and did win), the score points were glitching, and it was so funny. We did karaoke too. I love his voice. I was watching him sing, and I think I was falling in love with him or something. He told me hearing my voice live was different from the covers I post. He told me he loved my voice, so he stopped to hear me. I can’t believe this dude likes me. Time went by pretty quickly. We went back to the same bookstore as earlier too. We pretty much did the same thing. Oh, and I remember he started following along with Phoebe Bridgers’ Scott Street when it played on the speakers, and it was so attractive. I guess he wasn’t lying when he told me he listened to that genre of music. I gave him lots of hugs. Then we kissed a couple more times. After that, we just sat in the food hall since I was waiting for my ride. I gave him a limit on the kisses, and he pinky promised he’d only do one last one before I left. That last one lingered. When I got back home, I immediately passed out. An hour or two later, I got up to take a shower. My brother cooked dinner for me, then I went to my room and called Adrian. We were both so sleepy. We talked for a while until he could barely open his eyes. I read him another bedtime story. Tonight’s was Rumpelstiltskin.

June 13, 2024

I still have a bunch of requirements I need to finish up for college. I went to my high school and got the letters I submitted a few weeks ago. The school was so empty it was kind of scary. I was lucky enough to find this lady who gave me a hand in looking for where I had to retrieve my requirements. It was so hot outside. When I got home, I took my second shower of the day and slept. I slept twice, both of which extended for long durations. I am extremely sleep-deprived. I had a talk with Skylar, and he was giving me some compliments. I swear I love it when friends don’t wish for your downfall. As of now, I only have one more friend left who has this secret anonymity with me, but it’s fine. I’ll cut the relationship sooner or later. I just don’t have the time and energy to deal with that now. I mean, I’ve written about her in this diary countless times. I think the life expectancy of our friendship is nearing. I worked out, showered again, then called Adrian. We played Roblox. We were in Adopt Me, and he was acting weird. Like… weird in a way that I can’t disclose. We don’t talk about it. We went back to our video calls, and then I read him a bunch of my diary entries. He told me his perspective on those days that I read to him too. After that, we noticed how late it was getting, and I read him a bedtime story. Tonight’s was The Princess and the Pea. My favorite one growing up, even though I’ve always thought that the entire plot was stupid.

June 12, 2024

Good morning. My head hurts. I tried sleeping in for a bit (because Adrian told me to do so). It didn’t take that long until I finally got up and took my first shower. I went downstairs to have breakfast, and I think I might’ve eaten too much. I had my laptop with me and did a couple of my diary entries. For some unknown reason, all my drafts have piled up to half a month’s worth. My older brother and I are also helping my baby brother prepare for his upcoming school year. We’re trying to make his writing and reading a bit more fluid. I didn’t really do much today. I did a couple of covers with my electric guitar and all that. I worked out, then got ready for bed and my usual daily late-night calls with Adrian.

June 11, 2024

My room isn’t as messy as it could be, but it for sure is a mess. It’s the night after prom. My dress from last night is on the floor. My purse is right beside it too. It’s open, and all the lip products I usually bring have rolled out of the purse. My brain is telling me to clean my room, but my current state’s willpower is still down and plummeting. I did a whole lot of nothing today. I did all the usuals. I called Adrian during the afternoon to chat and play some Pokemon Showdown. I actually really enjoyed it. I got the hang of it near the end. I could’ve sworn he was purposely letting me take the win because I was throwing a bunch of threats, but a win is a win. I fell straight asleep shortly after. I set two alarm clocks. A 5-minute, and a 10-minute one. Both of which I snoozed. An hour later, I ate dinner and worked out. I had a pretty decent session. I was rushing it, and that made my muscles pretty sore after. I showered before settling in for the night and calling Adrian. We played Dress to Impress on Roblox. I reposted a post he made of us on my main, and it caught the attention of a few people. They liked it, so it was kind of scary since I don’t really post on my Instagram.

June 10, 2024

Senior prom. I was so sure I'd miss out on it, but I guess that's just not the case anymore. I really, really love my prom dress. It has a bow in front and a cut right below that bow. It’s not made of polyester, so I liked that a lot. I specifically picked out a red petticoat for it too. It matched the red Mary Janes I wore. It’s a shame nobody will ever understand the niche reference I was making with my whole fit. I woke up really early this morning to do a couple of things before getting ready. I wanted to write some diary entries and get my workout done since I knew I wouldn’t have the time later on. The feeling I got post-workout was ideal for the occasion. I took my second shower of the day after that and started getting ready for prom. I had a couple of hours to do my hair and makeup. This will always be my favorite part. I love being a girl. So I’m going to prom. I initially deemed this whole event entirely pointless. That was until I got myself a date. I’ve always thought that the likelihood of that happening was as much as you’d see me using up an entire notebook for school. Literally never. In all honesty, I’ve always dreamt of this. Like the little thought in the back of every hopeless romantic’s mind. Senior proms are almost an essential act in every other cliche high school romance chick flick ever. I’ve read and watched about it, and now I’m about to have that too. My date (boyfriend) told me I looked beautiful and all the other synonyms for that too. He was so attractive. I wish I could express how handsome I thought he was, but the most I could do was smile. I stood so awkwardly at the start of the event. I didn’t know what to do with myself. He asked for my hands and we entered the main hall together. So Adrian was just with me. I said hi to a couple of friends, and eventually, he dragged me to a corner to give me this red box. I asked him if I could open it. It was a necklace with a pink stone as the charm. I do not know much about stones, but I’m pretty sure the pink ones have something to do with love. He didn’t know what it meant either. He did make sure that I wore silver, and apparently, he bought it along with some ritual performed on the stone. No wonder I’m in love with this dude. I’m out here getting spelled or something. I took it out of the box and made him put it on me. I really, really love it and I have no plans of ever taking it off. I do that with everything that’s ever been given to me. We were getting pulled by random people asking us for pictures or pictures of us. We looked cute together. We were both wearing black. That was pure coincidence. I have no idea how detailed I should go on about this day, but I’ll try my best. We went inside and looked for seats. I was seated with my friends, and he was there with me. He told me he didn’t mind being separated from his. I made him put his chair closer to mine, and the whole time we were pretty much just flirting. I’m not sure if that’s the most appropriate word, but we held hands almost the whole night. That or I was holding his arms or resting on him. I couldn’t talk about anything too much because everything was just too loud. We ate and all that. I took a couple of bathroom breaks and met up with a couple of friends. Brie and Ria were so pretty. We spent barely any time with each other, but that was fine. We’ll have much more time together soon. Adrian asked me for a dance. We couldn’t really hear each other well or see for that matter because of the loud and deafening music blaring and the absolutely blinding lights. But we did mouth our "I love you’s" on multiple occasions. We did the slow dances. I was terrible at it. He was staring, and I tried to maintain eye contact, but I kept physically folding. It was hard. He’s really handsome. When they switched up the beat, I pushed him away, and we just started laughing. I really love his company. He’s cool as hell. During all that, he did make his first attempt at kissing me. I don’t know if this topic’s taboo, but it’s literally my diary, who cares? He stopped midway, and I ended up laughing. He made me shy and nervous and all that. I don’t know what exactly I was on, but we were by a corner and we were kind of just holding each other, if that even makes any sense. I did also dance with my friends for a short while. He held my purse and stood by like he was a bodyguard in his past life. We went back to our seats when the music was starting to die down and the lights went off. That’s when we actually had our first kiss. And second… and third. During the first one, he asked for consent with a thumbs up, and it was funny. And then he thanked me. That was the cutest thing ever. I was scared I’d never find love like in the movies, but I think I might have just did. We had to say our goodbyes, and I was trying to extend my time with him. He asked me for one “last” kiss (multiple times), and then we went our separate ways. When I got home, I ate a quick meal, took off my dress and makeup, and took a shower. Winding down after a long night will always be such a nice thing. I called with Adrian until we both fell asleep. I love him.

June 09, 2024

Breakfast was nice. My baby brother got locked out of the house, and it was funny. I cleaned my room for a while. I found a bunch of my old comics/mangas in the process of cleaning. I made sure to show those to Adrian later in the day. I ate chicken with my older brother for dinner. I took a relatively longer night shower and did whatever preparations a girl needs when they’re having an event the day after. I also did my nails. It took me hours to do them. I was doing the magnetic gel polish one. I love doing my nails. I’m not really counting, but I think it’s my fifth time changing them this week. It’s concerning. Sirko has been doing so well with her nail works too. It’s honestly to be expected of us. We’ve been doing this since last year. Anyway, I ended my day going on a call with Adrian, and we just talked like we weren’t going to see each other literally tomorrow.

June 08, 2024

Nothing much happened. I woke up and right off the bat, thought my hair looked cool, so I took a bunch of selfies and posted them. What incredibly narcissistic behavior. But I guess that kind of balances off all the time I’ve been insecure. Okay, that’s a reach. I am most certainly much more insecure than confident if ever. Not that any of that matters since I like to not think too much into that anymore. And I don’t know, I guess the people around me have been making it so easy for me to become more accepting? I really don’t know how to explain. I just know that I have my days when I could say I look pretty. I didn’t really have a busy day. I did all my usual routines. Ate stuff, played the guitar, and worked out. The same old. I called with Adrian before going to sleep.

June 07, 2024

I had to wake up early since I had an appointment with my orthodontist. I’ve had my braces on for so long. They’re literally older than my baby brother. That’s pretty crazy to think about. Anyway, I have three new additional rubbers, or like elastics, in my mouth. Will I be putting them on as requested by my orthodontist? No. I eat too much. It’s not helping that I haven’t eaten a proper meal for about three days now. I am still recovering from so much fatigue. When I got home, I took my second shower of the day, then went into cleaning my room. That took so much willpower and determination. My room was a huge mess. But I eventually cleaned everything up and I cannot be more proud of myself.
It’s Adrian’s birthday today! I made sure to greet him at midnight like any good friend would. That, and it was only proper for me to greet him early since I think (pretty sure) I’m his girlfriend and all that. We were on call for the majority of the day. Can’t really tell you what we talked about since it was all pretty random, but I laughed a lot. We played the Kitty Matchmaker game too. We were practicing our matchmaking skills. We did well. We only had one unsatisfied customer and another who ended up living their best lives. We were so good. Some time around late afternoon, we both dropped the call to do a couple of things. I had to eat, play with my baby brother, and work out. After that, I just went back to disturbing Adrian. We called until we fell asleep. We were meant to watch Star Wars, and we kind of did for a while, but both of our eyes were getting heavier. I love him.

June 06, 2024

I am graduating. I got up really early to get ready. It took me quite a bit since I was experimenting with my makeup. My hair wasn't at its best state, but it also wasn't too bad, I’d say. Everything went decently average. I was running for time, and it was such a funny way to end my high school days. I mean, if that’s not consistency (with my tardiness), then what is? I got to the ceremony with the whole outfit on. I looked for some friends of mine, and we were all just restless. I saw Adrian, and the first thing he did was compliment me. He’s actually the best. I was chatting with everyone I could since I knew it was probably the last time I’d be able to do that. I can’t say that I loved my school as much because I was always on autopilot and never really took in the environment as something worth appreciating, but I made my fondest memories and met the greatest people I know here. I’m glad I can leave everything behind. I was never really the type to look back anyway. So we did the procession and the whole ceremony. We did our pledges, they congratulated us, we walked up the stage and got our diplomas, all that usual graduating stuff. I did introduce Adrian to my parents, and he did the same. Both went so well. Before any of that, I took pictures with a couple of my friends, and it’s insane to think that we’re all starting new lives once we leave this high school. While I was actually roaming around looking for my friends, Adrian was just right behind me. He followed me around like he always does, and it was so cute. Nefer came too! She met me right after I walked up the stage, and I was so excited to see her. At the end of the ceremony, she gave me the cutest stuffed shark toy. It was the pull-string kind, and the tail spins when you pull it. She told me it reminded her of me because Beast Boy reminds her of my boyfriend, and I’m literally Raven.
I didn’t get my top spot, which was very disappointing. I was meant to be somewhere up in the third or fourth spot. I felt like one of those main characters who has their stats hidden. It’s okay. I was texting Sirko about how unfair it was since I really could only ever be vulnerable to her. It stung a bit. Those who got the top spots went up to me later on, telling me how I didn’t deserve this. It’s nice how I still get the recognition I deserve from the people who knew me. I mean, I helped a lot. Like I got a couple of messages from those thanking me for being there, saying how they could not have survived high school without me. It’s all chill. I guess I’m just glad I got to experience so much. I like how I operate right now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

June 05, 2024

I barely slept a wink. In fact, not even at all. I was talking to Adrian all night. Listened to Eminem’s new song Houdini. I am not looking forward to any upcoming event, but it’s all inevitable. I’m trying to remind myself that things have been worse, and this isn’t my greatest concern. We came across a couple of problems early in the morning. Everyone was stressing. I still don’t get why people tend to get mad at those who aren’t giving the "right" reaction to stressful situations. I am the only person who can keep my calm well collected, I swear. We got into the airport and it was literally completely empty. Such a huge airport with nobody inside. Every single direction I looked at contained a whole other backrooms location. I mean, from the empty hallways to the unsettling playgrounds, I was transported into a different world for sure. We got into an earlier flight just because a flight attendant offered, so that was pretty cool. In the meantime, my baby brother, who actually believes in the existence of backrooms and knows all the lore about them, was standing on business completely scared. He talked about seeing one of the toy elephant decorations move and how Jumbo Josh is inside the closed shops. I was feeding into this fear. So we got into our first flight from Chitose Airport to Haneda. Oh, they also lost one of the bags we had, and it was a whole problem. They were hardcore gaslighting my brother, and it was funny, but I vouched for him anyway. When we got to Haneda Airport, we waited for quite a while. We had breakfast too. I had pretty good food. They were trying to talk to me through my double-geared earphone and headphones combo, and they were throwing their attempts at pissing me off. I understand, though. They’re trying to project their panic onto the sanest person in the room since, again, I seem to be the only person in the family who has the ability to keep her calm. After all that stuff, we got on the plane and I just slept the whole way through. It’s all cool. I got back all the hours of sleep I lost today.
I am finally home. Now I just have my graduation to stress about. For starters, my division 1 hater (my homeroom teacher) had me do the most to get all the things I need for graduation. She’s doing the absolute most for nothing. All these problems were self-imposed by her too. I wasn’t stressing too much, though, I know I’ll graduate. I have enough fair shares of people wishing me the worst already. I’m glad I went through all the problems I’ve encountered. It turned me into someone who can handle most situations (so far) pretty well. Nothing is really ever that deep. The firt thing I did being back home was immediately eating dinner. Food from home after a long flight will always hit different. I unpacked and gathered all the things I bought or acquired during my trip. It was two full suitcases worth of things. I might have a problem. I took an everything shower since I needed one and also because of my graduation tomorrow. I redyed my hair and everything. I tried on my prom dress and it was so good. I’m actually excited for it. I mean, I’m going out with my boyfriend. Is that not the most high school thing ever? I settled down for the night and called Adrian. We talked about literally nothing and everything at the same time. We were on the call until I started spouting gibberish because I was half dreaming before we ended our call. I love him.

June 04, 2024

We took the morning bus to the Hokkaido Museum of Art. We were expecting to find Godzilla since they had him up on Google, only to be brought to disappointment. It was probably a special exhibition they had years ago. We walked around too. The environment was pretty different. The pollen was visibly scattered everywhere too. Anyway, we went to the Daidomaru and Stellar malls again. We ate on the 6th floor, and it was cool. I bought a carabiner (I’ve been buying so much this trip) at X-girl and my indecisiveness got the best of me. I got a color I didn’t really want, and not long after my purchase, I had to go back to exchange it for a different color. That’s when I met the nicest girl ever, and she told me that she wasn’t actually allowed to be doing that because of inventory checks, so I needed to keep our transaction a secret. My family shopped some more and all that. We went back and ate at a ramen place, then I accompanied my mom to Donki since it’s our last day here and she wanted to get whatever she still hasn’t. Skylar actually sent me a message after he saw the list of honors. He knew the injustice I kind of faced and was pissed off for me. He told me I didn’t deserve it, and that alone made me cry. I genuinely started tearing up. I’ve helped so much these past years and knowing that they value me as much that it bothered them seeing I wasn’t in my rightful spot in the rankings meant a lot to me. I really needed that recognition and validation. That might not have been the case on paper because of one teacher who had it out for me, but everyone still knew and I guess that was enough for me. I’m grateful to have such great friends around me.

June 03, 2024

Sincerely, I am so thankful to not have lost my sense of appreciation. I love it when the sky is clear, and I most especially love it when I take my time to pause and notice. There are a lot of pretty things that will always remain unnoticed. The conveniences that are never thanked for enough. Weather would always be one of those. And as I do, I’ll always write about it. My morning was very pretty. My first thought upon waking up was that I wanted to get Sirko a haul of some nail things so that I could give it to her the next time I see her. So I went out and walked to the Daiso across the street. They always have those self-service checkouts, which I love so much. I love it because I don’t have to use my brain in counting, and I just dump a handful of coins and let the machine give me back my proper change. Not that I’m bad with counting - because trust me, I’m really good - but because I happen to like saving my brain for other ways of critical thinking. I had some burger and fries in Lotteria for breakfast. I found this old lady staring at me, which was weird, but I can’t really blame her. We walked everywhere. I led my family to the Clock Tower, and that was pretty. We walked by parks with a bit too much pollen for my liking. My baby brother found this playground that he played at for a solid hour. It was fun. I love how neglectful of child safety the playgrounds are in Japan. And I’m saying that not as a bad thing. I think it builds a kid’s coordination, balance, strength, and whatnot. Children seriously need to learn how to pick themselves back up whenever they fall. I bought a lot of clothes today. I got some stuffed toys too. We had another round at Donki, and for me and my brother, the day can’t end without going back to Book Off. We got more games and other figurines.

June 02, 2024

My morning was relatively slow. I actually got a pretty decent amount of sleep. We went to a cafe and I got roasted beef for breakfast. I had the best soufflé pancakes too. We went to walk to Odori Park and noticed this big commotion. We’ve been seeing a bunch of cosplayers and I must say, people are so much better at cosplaying here. We came across tanks and soldiers and other military stuff too. We went to the park and everyone had different colored hair. I felt like I entered another world where everybody else was the main character besides me. I wish I could’ve brought my own cosplay too. We settled down and sat on the benches beside this other funny-looking character that had a sign up. People kept on coming up to him for pictures, it was actually great. My baby brother just played in the field. He chased after birds and it was cute. It’s also his birthday today! I was admiring the view. The air felt nice against my skin and the sun was bright, but somehow it wasn’t the kind that would burn your skin. The weather was so perfect. Later on, we took the subway to the center of Sapporo again. We went to Stellar Place and checked out all the shops. At one point, my entire family was talking about this K-pop dude they came across and my brother mentioned it was Taehyung. You might wonder why I was clueless about this when I was literally together with my family. Well, it happened in the elevator when I decided to get left behind for not even longer than 30 seconds. What are the chances of that? Oh well. We went back home with everyone until me and my brother decided to go out for another while to shop for more PlayStation games. We also went to the gacha place and looked for a Godzilla toy for my baby brother.

June 01, 2024

I have the coolest fit on. I’m wearing a hockey jersey over a maxi skirt and Onitsuka pairs. I wore ribbons in my hair too. I am so incredibly overwhelmed. So many things and events are happening all at once. They each account for different responses emotionally. I don’t know what to feel. Everything contradicts the other heavily. Right now, I’m trying to focus on a current mission. That’s to somehow get my family together and convince them to stick to the time schedule of the transportations. We went by a combini and I bought myself a corndog before anything else. We went to the Dohoku bus stop and I inquired a few things. I got the bus timetable too. It was kind of scary since the number we hopped into was right, but I had doubts on whether or not it was the kind that would take long trips. My doubts were later shut down after seeing in my maps that we were in fact headed to the right line. Our stop ends at the Shirogane Blue Pond (Aoiike). There was this mother and daughter pair who were kind enough to help us with a little trouble we had. It was cool. We saw the blue pond and it was the most stunning view I’ve ever laid my eyes on. It was seriously so pretty. The color of the pond was unreal. I wish I could describe it through words or even show it through pictures, but seeing it in real life is really the only way to comprehend it. I had so much fun. I stole my brother’s blue ice cream to take a picture and it was funny. We helped out the people who helped us earlier take a picture too. The only concern we had after was that there was no transportation going back. I found it so weird that a literal tourist spot with advertised routes to get there didn’t have a way back. So we asked this information personnel to call us a taxi. After that, we went to the Asahiyama Zoo directly from the pond. All the exhibits were so cool. I literally felt like I was in Aesop’s Fables or something. To list some of my favorite ones I’d go for the giraffe, hippopotamus, raccoons, chimpanzees, deer, wolves, polar and brown bears, and the penguins. I saw like 2 monkeys that were doing couple things and the penguins got called out by their leader and they did the coolest formation ever. It was so cool. I loved every moment I spent in that zoo. I got my first monkey Jellycat from there too! It was along with some other stuffed toys because I have problems with spending money on every stuffed toy I ever see. We went back to the station using the bus with the designated route there and we took the long train back to Sapporo. My brother and I managed to revisit Book Off (again) and another hyper media store. He’s been getting so many PlayStation DVDs. We bought another one of those microwaveable carbonaras then finally got home. It felt like it’s been so long since we last took a proper rest. Like we had the longest adventure before reaching spawn point again. It was so worth it.