September 19, 2024
I’ve never really worried about the contents of what I post here in my online diary. It has always been the least of my concerns. I’m not exactly a criminal with sensitive information to hide, I don’t dox myself or other people, and I like sharing my life because I think I’m pretty cool. My literal goal with this whole thing is to publish it one day, like Anne Frank’s diary. But there are some things I’d rather talk about in code.
Adrian came over today. I had morning online classes, so I’d already been awake for a while before he arrived. I did make him wait for a bit since I was hoping my professor would either dismiss us early or give us a break. She eventually gave in to the latter, since she had just assigned us an activity anyway. I had 5 minutes to pick Adrian up. I took the elevator and ran. I grabbed and pushed him around, which was probably rude, but I was trying to make it back to class. Ria was with us for a while. I made Adrian sit with me on my bed while I continued my classes. I lost sight of him for a second, and he came back to give me a flower made out of ribbons. He found a loophole since I’ve banned him from giving me flowers, partly because I don’t want to receive them hastily, and partly because I’ve always told myself the first guy to give me flowers might just be the one I marry. It’s a conditional promise to myself with a lot of parameters I’ve made up in my head. I’ll know it when I do. I think I know it now too. He was very proud of it, especially with his little creative touch on the stem. I didn’t want to take it out of the wrap because I wanted to keep it exactly the way he gave it to me. Ria eventually left. Adrian cooked me breakfast because I hadn’t eaten anything yet. He made an enemy out of electric stoves for some weird reason. He did that while I listened to my class - or at least tried to. He was very distracting. I found it hard separating from him, so I kept asking him to come closer. I ate the food he made, and he even washed the dishes. I don’t like washing dishes, so who was I to reject the kind offer? Then we made out - like, a lot. We should’ve closed the door, but it’s not like there was anyone else around. We stayed in bed, and I wished I could keep him with me like that any time I wanted. He’s still really good at kissing, and somehow, he keeps getting better every time. One of my classes got canceled, which was cool. He was so sweet and gentle with me. I felt loved, and trust me, that’s a pretty awesome feeling. The necklace he gave me broke today. Whatever that means. I liked whenever he let me hug him. He’s cool. We pretty much just played house, except today felt real, like a life I could actually imagine living. We went out to see a mutual friend of ours. They caught up and all that, but Adrian had to go, so we walked him out. I wanted to give him one last kiss, but it didn’t feel like the right place. We said our goodbyes, and I went back to my place with the friend we met up with. I’ll call him Vernon for the sake of this diary. He’s part of my friend group, so he’ll probably make a lot more appearances in my upcoming entries. Ria finally finished her classes and came over to my place. I introduced her to Vernon. We studied some accounting concepts and just talked about random things. I cooked them dinner too. Vernon left, and Ria did shortly after.
I find trust to be such a curious thing. I’m no longer asking for signs of whether or not I’m doing this right. I like to believe that I am. But maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I’m deceiving myself again. Honestly, it’s kind of scary. But I can genuinely say that I wouldn’t even think twice about offering Adrian the first book I ever bought at a book fair (it’s about raccoons). I never noticed the empty, unoccupied spaces in my room until he left and took his presence with him.
