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May 31, 2024

We’re going to be having quite a long haul today. Before that, my baby brother visited the aquarium. My older brother and I just left him there while we wandered off elsewhere. We were to meet up after an hour, then take the subway to Sapporo, transfer to the JR line, and finally take the Japan Railway Limited Express to Asahikawa. It required quite a bit of travel time since it was a whole different city. Getting the ticket was so stressful for me. I lined up, and everybody disappeared. I had to go back and look for them because I had a couple of inquiries, and this train staff approached me and asked where my family was. He was the sweetest old dude ever. To be fair, I don’t really look my age. On top of that, I am a very short individual. The lost child allegations are something I cannot escape. I am the best with directions when I’m using my brain, but I am always going to look helpless. Another thing that was making me lose my mind was this teacher from way back home who is still doing the absolute most to hate on me. I’m not gonna get into details, but she was requiring a whole lot of nonsense just to give me a harder time. All I could do was take deep breaths and try not to fog up my brain too much. We had reserved seats for the train, and I was trying to figure out the schedule and which platform we had to stop at. Eventually, everything calmed down by itself, and we managed to get on the train successfully. We got to Asahikawa after such a long time that my parents made the spontaneous decision to just walk into another hotel and check in there. So we did. We didn’t have our passports or anything with us. It somehow worked out just fine. For our clothes, we went to the Aeon Mall and got a couple of items. I managed to build myself some of the coolest fits ever. We explored the mall and ate there. It was actually pretty awesome. I noticed how differently people style themselves here in the northern side of Japan compared to the mainland.
Adrian told me the words I’ve been trying my best not to say. I told him I really, really, really liked him, and he replied with "I love you." I didn’t hesitate to say it back.

May 30, 2024

I woke up with a headache. I had to quickly plan out an itinerary because we’re going to have quite a long day. While everyone else was getting ready, I went out for a bit. I’m still looking for a prom dress, but my hunt was very unsuccessful. I met up with the rest of my family a little while later. They had their breakfast, but I decided to skip it since I’ve already been consuming too many protein bars. I’m coping with the lack of a gym. I went to the mall where Loft was located and got a few items. Once everyone was settled enough to start our day, I went to The Pole and figured out the subway lines. We went from Tomakomai to Sapporo and then took the JR line to Otaru. I am currently writing this diary entry on the train with only two stations before we reach our destination. When we arrived in Otaru, it had such a quiet environment. Before leaving the station, we went inside a bakery to buy a couple of pastries to snack on. I can’t name the one I got, but I can say that it was probably one of the best breads I’ve ever tasted. We visited the Sankaku Market next. My parents have been craving crabs for almost a month now. My dad got us the king crab and a couple of other items on the menu. He remembered I liked abalones and got me those too. After eating, we walked over to the coast because my brother loves the ocean. It was totally unnecessary, and the weather was not making it any better, but we walked in that direction anyway. We passed by the old abandoned railway and found out that Otaru was called the eternal city. Pretty cool. My brother looked at the ocean, then my mom went inside the souvenir shop. My brothers and I stayed outside. I ate strawberries, and they ate ice cream. They wanted to try out the cruise around the famous canal too. While waiting for our turn, my older brother and I decided to separate from everyone and check out the abandoned arcade shopping street. I felt like Chihiro from Spirited Away being isekai'd. All the stores stretching out for miles were closed down, and it was such a pretty place too. There was one shop at the very beginning of the district that we checked out. That was it, though. My brother only wore a plain shirt and jorts. A local even questioned his choice of clothing with genuine concern. It was so cold. We were having a challenge to see who would fold first in the cold weather. I lost and was finding every excuse to seek warm shelter. We took the cruise around Otaru, which included a narration that told the history of the whole port city. I wore earbuds with an English translation of the tour guide. It was pretty cool. I learned a lot. Seagulls and crows were flying overhead, and everything was just so pretty. We had dinner at a local KFC, and I finally had time to text Adrian. I felt stunned. My movement was slowed down by a huge percentage. It was such a weird feeling. I’ve experienced way colder environments, but for some reason, the cold constricted my blood vessels, making me unable to move at my normal speed. We caught the train back to Sapporo and transferred from there to Susukino. On our way, in one of the stations, we saw a boutique that had the cutest dresses and other formal party accessories. I bought my prom dress and Mary Janes there. It was so pretty. We almost got locked inside the store, and my baby brother was traumatized. He started crying for my name, thinking I died. My baby brother is now officially a well-trained dog. You can get him to do things as long as you give him treats (candies). When we got home, I re-dyed my hair to this periwinkle color and took a bath. Then, of course, I texted with Adrian until I fell asleep.

May 29, 2024

The marketing strategies are working on me. I am a victim of capitalism. There is no escape. I have no idea why I’m being so dramatic. I love this place so much. I woke up really early to get myself some morning coffee and a single hashbrown from McDonald's. I got a few items from the convenience store too while I was at it. Since everyone else doesn’t have the same energy as I do, they were depleted from the travel yesterday. So we settled with just going out to nearby places from where our hotel was located. It was actually pretty great since I'd be able to familiarize myself with the place. I love memorizing places. I could see myself being a navigator in another life. We were barely a block away from the Shoutengai, or the street shopping district, and that was so cool. The shops ranged from branded ones, thrift shops, pet stores, restaurants, and just about everything. The first thing I got was a Tamagotchi ring from a gachapon. Today was pretty much spent just scanning the area and shopping. I texted with Adrian throughout the day too. He was making me smile through the phone, and it’s a good thing I don’t care whether or not I get weird looks. That, and I doubt anyone really cares. We also went to another street that had the usual stores you’d see in shopping districts. Then my brother and I separated from everyone to go to Book Off. Spoiler: We actually went back there every single day since then. We found so many steals. I even got myself the FC Play Computer console. My brother found a Playstation 1 for a hundred yen. That one was a giveaway price. Before I start sounding like a nerd, the place had cool stuff for sure. We did a lot of things. We stopped by Donki, and I got myself some nail stuff. When we got back to the hotel, I couldn’t resist doing my nails right then and there. I was using gel, so it dried quickly. After that, I went out with my brother again because he wanted to show me this gun he was planning on getting. I ended up wanting one too. Except we were weighing a couple of problems. See, the TSA can be pretty strict with the possession of guns, whether that’s in checked luggage or carry-on. Buying the guns we wanted would mean that we’d have to declare them as real guns or realistic replicas. That’s a lot of work for just toy guns. We came across this post when we looked up how we could get them past security, and I laughed about it for like more than an hour. Guide to flying with (airsoft) guns. We eventually let go of all our dreams and just decided to buy ourselves microwaveable carbonara dinners from the convenience store.

May 28, 2024

I'm functioning on barely any sleep. It's fine, though, since I have two flights today. One is to Tokyo Haneda Airport, and the other is to New Chitose Airport. I wore my Lululemon Define jacket, making me look like I'm about to hit the gym. I did all the usual airport things and ate breakfast at the lounge. I've been motivated to read again, so I took the opportunity to finally get out of my reading slump. I ended up sitting next to an old lady who thought it was cool that I was named after a character from The Lord of the Rings (hopefully, I'm not doxxing myself too much). We had a bit of small talk, and she also had a book with her. I slept for most of the flight and read for the remaining time I was awake. The old lady did the same. I want to be her when I grow up. When we arrived, my aunt was waiting for us, and she even gave me a Tony Tony Chopper stuffed toy. We once talked about our love for One Piece, and I swear, someone remembering your interests is the sweetest thing anyone could ever do. We had a lot of time to waste, so we looked around the souvenir shops but didn't get much. I got a claw clip and a lip product I thought was cool. I also ate a soft creme macaron ice cream thing with my brother. I was texting Sirko in those moments, and I was literally containing my laughter in public because of how unhinged our topic was. We are living proof that things do get better. It has been so horrible for us in the past months, but we can both say that we're over the healing phase and are now completely healed. In a way, I'm grateful for everything we've been through. It's good that we're learning things earlier. I like how accepting I've become. I still struggle sometimes, but as long as I don't act on already bad situations, I think I'll manage. Anyway, our next flight to Sapporo was delayed a bit. I slept through it, so I didn't really notice the difference. We eventually got on the next plane, and that took quite a lot of time too. The whole day was basically spent traveling. The hotel (Bespoke) we're staying at is pretty cool. It's located in the center of the city, so that's convenient. Sadly, everything had already closed down by the time we arrived. We took the time to rest and power up for tomorrow.

May 27, 2024

I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like being late. It’s been a while. But I guess old habits die hard. I’m late again, and I swear this is just a one-time thing. That, and the next time I step foot in my current school is graduation, which is like a week or two from now. We’re finally allowed to use our classrooms again. I went there, and there was this seminar going on. I sat beside Adrian, and we had small talk until the room got a lot quieter, and we just started passing notes. He even drew a raccoon on one of the papers because I was doing the whole fake mad act. It was cute. The raccoon had heart-shaped boxers on. We were pretty much together the entire day. He got lunch, and I skipped it again. I still don’t have an appetite for anything. We went back to the classroom, and I think we just don’t ever stop talking anymore at this point. He did this thing. He kept staring in a very unusual way, and I questioned him about it. He told me he thought it was cringe when others do that whole thing where they think their girl is pretty. But for the first time, he was experiencing it with me. He mouthed the words “you’re pretty” a bunch of times, and I was folding. He was talking without me purposely tricking him into it. He was telling me about the Roman Empire (and Greek triumvirate too, I think). Oh, and chess too. I actually really liked it when he talked. I am actually going to fall in love with this dude if he keeps this up. Ria and Lane visited me in my room. Ria was sleepy, and Lane just wanted to see this dude she has a crush on who just so happens to be my classmate. So I went back to Adrian after all that. Also, my aura is actually insane. A random person entered our classroom and made a comment about how good our class smelled. They told him it was probably me. We had our graduation practice again and changed venues. I sat beside Adrian, and again, the usual. They announced our rankings, and I had already expected the outcome, but I was still disappointed. I’ve long accepted it, but I guess it does still kind of sting hearing it announced in front of the whole batch. I mean, I was supposed to be in the Top 5. I was in the Top 5. I still would’ve been in the Top 5. I guess it did kind of bother me. But I didn’t want to turn it into a big deal. I don’t want to put my value in the recognition of others. I’m still trying my best to not let it affect me as much. Things happen, but things also pass by. I think it’s great that I’m at least getting a lesson out of this. And also, I don’t want to be that girl who complains too much. I still did great, and everyone else knows that. But God, do I feel bad for the past version of myself. She worked hard for nothing. Anyway, so our practice ended like two hours earlier. During the first hour, Adrian joined me in hunting down teachers to complete my requirements for university. It was funny because he was helping me leave the school he’d be staying at. I actually appreciate that he accompanied me throughout the day. After that side quest, we went to the library and passed the time. He makes me laugh a lot. I don’t recall anyone ever making me laugh as much. I usually just laugh because of my jokes nobody even finds funny. Eventually, we walked to the waiting area at the main gates of the school, and I met his sister. I went back home, ate, packed, then did my workout. Also, I got another person asking me for my workout routine.

May 26, 2024

The rainy season is officially back. It's that time of the month. I'm not in the mood for anything, not even working out. Not that I'd let that dictate what I'd do because today I still rolled out the mats and grabbed the weights. I did my workout early on in the day and just took this day as a time to slow down a bit. I've been busy for almost the whole week, and it did get a bit draining. I packed my things too. I called Adrian for a while because he got a new haircut. He was scared to show it, telling me that his hair got messed up, but he was still very attractive. I actually liked that it showed his face. He’s seriously such a pretty dude. I ended the call because my brother appeared out of nowhere, claiming that he’s been in the house since yesterday. This was weird because I hadn't felt his presence at all. He told me he’s been sleeping in his room all day. I called Adrian again, and we talked about a bunch of random stuff. Then my brother reentered my room to invite me down to eat. He cooked, and all I did was assist him with some steps, like cracking an egg. I always crack the eggs. I was texting Adrian the whole time through.

May 25, 2024

The temporary deafness I got from last night might not be so temporary after all. Imagine if I were to attend a rave. I would not survive. I accidentally slept in this morning and now I’m suffering the consequences of my own actions. I had a university tour invitation for which I RSVPed, and now I am running late. The ride there took a long time because of heavy traffic. Fortunately, my friends were already on the tour and they were updating me on what was happening. It wasn't much of anything, so I was sitting well with my tardiness. When I got to the campus, I had to show them my acceptance letter and all that. It took quite some time because the signal reception was pretty bad. Rio picked me up from where I was, and we sat on the benches far back from where the program was being held. We talked about this mutual friend we had for hours, and it was so funny. It was the most insane gossip ever. We bought one of those red velvet cookies too, and I loved them so much. Despite being at the very back, when the time came for the actual tour and walking around the university in groups, we ended up being assigned to group 1. We finished earlier than the rest, which was ironic since we were the ones who arrived late. When that was over, I met a bunch of people I knew and approached another friend with whom I shared a similar group. I met her mom and her sister, and I actually kind of became friends with them. I saw a bunch of my other friends too and had small talks. When I got back home, I didn’t get to work out anymore and just got ready for bed. I texted with Adrian again, the usual routine. We had a conversation about the last time we got mad, and I searched it up in my archived diary entries. I actually haven’t gotten mad for over two years now. That’s seriously crazy. The power went out for a bit, and I went on a call with Brie and Tony. They talked about their problems, and I was panicking because it was dark. But it was fine since it didn’t really last long.

May 24, 2024

I have Nefer’s 18th birthday to attend to. I had to be ready by like 5 PM. That’s a lot of time for a normal person. But not me. Whenever I have a big event, it kind of takes up the whole entire day for me to get ready and mentally prepare for it. I did my usual routines. I had to work out early in the morning. Early workouts are usually ideal but I haven't been able to do them because of my early classes. My orthodontist appointment was cancelled because my orthodontist got sick or something. That means more time for me to get ready so it's all good. Anyway, I took another shower, then did my makeup. I tried putting on fake eyelashes, but I don’t think they really made much of a difference. My lashes are already naturally long, so the results weren’t exactly the most exciting. I wore the green dress that fit me perfectly and did tiny braids for my hair. Before leaving the house, I got my guitar and recorded myself singing the recent song I wrote. When I got to the venue, I found my table and settled down. It was so cool since one of the songs Nefer put in her playlist for me was playing literally when I got there. After a while, I finally saw Nefer and we were both so excited. I greeted her a happy birthday, and she sat beside me! That doesn't usually happen at any coming of age party. I love how exclusive Nefer made her birthday and how it was so personalized. She had such a pretty dress on too. I had the best food ever. Plates of them were being served consecutively at our table, but I think the portion sizes were just perfect. I made friends with the people at my table so it was good. Nefer also introduced me to this other friend she had, and we kept each other company when Nefer had to do her birthday host activities and such. That said friend and I even went to the bathroom to reapply our makeup, and with her, she had to cover up this hickey she got before coming to this party. She had a physics exam before that date too. I swear Nefer is only friends with the coolest people ever. I gave her a speech while giving her the gift I got her, and it was so cute. I love her so much. We had this inside joke too that I referenced over how we were celebrating her 17th birthday because what do you mean we’re legal adults now? She also had a band playing. It’s safe to say that my eardrums became entirely dysfunctional after the party. But she did have the best music playing ever. Adrian gave me a call in the middle of the party too. It made me giggle and blush and all that. I thought it was an accident at first, but he told me he just wanted to see me, then he complimented me on my makeup. He actually treats me so well he doesn’t even get it. He promised he’d wait for me when I get back home too and to have a fun time. Nefer also performed a bunch of songs for us. If I haven’t mentioned it in this blog yet, she has the best singing voice ever. I loved all of that. She had such a cool entrance too since everyone was looking for her beforehand not knowing our whole table was at the bathroom using the toilets because we’ve all been drinking. We were having Smirnoff, so it wasn’t really all that. I didn’t get drunk either. I don’t know what my alcohol tolerance is since I don’t ever drink, but I had some bottles and it had no effects on me. We had a sing-along session too where I was given the mic at my claimed line in Taylor’s song Style where it was like “I said, I heard, oh that you’ve been out and about with some other girl”. If you know, you know. Anyway, we all had so much fun. Ending the night, Nefer escorted me out, and we filmed like the TikTok (So High School dance) we’ve been planning on doing, and I eventually got home. Adrian kept his promise. I felt bad because I got home really late, but he was waiting to go on a call with me. I don’t think he understands how much that whole gesture meant to me.

May 23, 2024

I need to complete a bunch of school requirements and file for a leave of absence. Can’t possible be that hard, right? I had my afternoon nap and did my blog. I wrote and composed a new song. I know I say this for every new one I make, but this might be the best one yet. I texted with Adrian throughout the day. I worked out then went on a call with him to watch Star Wars. We started with Episode IV: A New Hope and are planning on hopefully consuming all Star Wars content and media ever made. He’s literally perfect. We pretended like it was our first time watching it, and it was so funny. We followed the release order of the saga, and we were cracking up so many jokes. I swear I’d always love Star Wars even with countless rewatches. He did fall asleep near the end and woke up a few moments later.

May 22, 2024

I accidentally cut the back of my hands on a bush on my way to school. It looked cool. We had another one of our graduation practices. I sat beside Adrian the whole time. In one of our conversations, he brought up my dimple, and he’s the first person to have ever noticed that without me pointing it out. We had lunch together, and we finished early so we went back to where our practice was being held, and it was just an empty auditorium. We talked about how there was this huge block of what looks like an organ that has never been used ever, just taking up space, and we sat on the stairs of the stage talking about AIs and other random things. When everybody arrived back, we went back to our seats and just didn't ever stop talking. People took pictures of us on their digicams too. Then he randomly just asked me out to be his girlfriend. I said yes because why wouldn’t I? I saw no reasons in making him win me over when I was literally the first one to like him. I mean, to be completely honest, I wasn't sure at first whether or not he was just playing around or if we actually did make it official, but I think we did. After that, I went out with my friends to get hot buffalo wings. We went to our friend’s car, and there was this other dude who was tagging along. Sine was so mean, and I was trying my best to just get along with everybody. It was fun. I ordered the hottest one and the one before that with a friend who agreed we’d do halfsies and trade the wings with different spice levels. I was crying and sweating. Nobody wanted to share with us since I guess we were the only ones in the group who knew how to have fun. After eating, we literally had to excuse ourselves and get frappes because I personally needed milk to wash out the spiciness. We went to the arcade after and did some karaoke and basketball. I destroyed everyone in the basketball game. I completed it and got a top score. I went home, showered, then went out again to buy my friend a gift for her birthday this upcoming Friday. I got myself a new mat and 30kg band resistors too. Returning home for the second time, I took another shower then worked out until I was well settled enough to text with Adrian.

May 21, 2024

Fatigue is the most annoying thing ever. I managed to sleep for full hours today since Adrian slept early and since his sleep schedule is pretty normal, I’ve been winding down for bed and sleeping a lot earlier too. It’s pretty cool. I’m in a gazillion years worth of sleep debt, so it sucks that I’m still always sleepy. I wanted to workout first thing in the morning but ended up just staring at the ceiling for a while. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular, I was completely empty-headed. I ate breakfast and forced myself to work out since I do have plans later on. I slept some more after that then fixed myself up since I’m going out with my parents to go dress shopping. I managed to get myself my graduation dress and some black heels to pair up with that. They’re both pretty chill. The dress does need a little bit of altering but it should be fine. I ate dinner with my parents at a Chinese restaurant before going home. When I got home, I took a bath then talked to Adrian. We were on a call until like 2 AM, which is pretty late. He ended up talking a lot near the end and I loved that because I was passing out.

May 20, 2024

We had another practice day. I went to school early in the morning to see Adrian because I guess he’s just the only person who could make me wake up earlier. He found me in the library, and we held hands. He stole me from the friends who were accompanying me because I couldn’t really find him at first. Honestly, I was just too shy to text him. It's a good thing that problem worked itself out. Or well, maybe he did because he ended up looking for me. We talked for a bit until we had to actually go to where everyone was at. We kind of ignored the seating arrangement and just sat beside each other. We were making a bunch of jokes, and apparently, our conversations were pretty loud. Not in an annoyingly excessive way, but they said they could hear it but not make out what exactly we were talking about. I was with him for almost half of the day. We had lunch together too. It was great. I think at this point, it’s always gonna be a guaranteed great time if it’s with him. After that was over, I went with Sine to the mall, and she introduced me to this new friend. I matched well with her personality. We got along with each other smoothly. I have myself to thank for that. We went around and ate too. She told me she’s going to Australia for college, so it was pretty sad. It’s kind of crazy though because she had this habit of taking a picture of absolutely anything and everything. Like I guess it’s weird for me since I don’t really take pictures as often, but hers was excessive in a cute way. I like it when people value memories. And I’m not saying I don’t, I just do it differently. I’d say I write diary entries for the same reason too. Eventually, we went to the bookstore to look at a couple of books, and Sine just completely left the two of us alone. I mean, I know I’m great at making friends, but as a common friend who invited two other friends who know nothing of each other, isn’t that a bit rude? Oh well. While Sine was entertaining another friend she met up with, we spent some time in the poetry section and read some of the books there. I eventually went home and called it a day. I took a shower, worked out, then texted with Adrian. He told me that I made him happy. That life felt great whenever I was around. I really appreciate that. I don’t really know when this certain shift happened, but it did, and suddenly, I somehow turned into this social person. I’ve always been someone who’s always been this kind of ball of energy, but now it feels so genuine. I feel like the person that the song "There She Goes" is written about.

May 19, 2024

The first thing I did today was bully my baby brother. He’s getting his hair cut this afternoon, and he was genuinely considering making it look like Aang’s just because I told him it looked cool. That was until I broke character and started laughing. Then he started screaming and running away from me like I was some kind of merciless monster. It’s funny. I ate soup for breakfast and had ice cream. I don’t really like sweets because when I occasionally have them, I get the most horrible repercussions. But I should be fine, I think. I’m going to be shopping for dresses again, but before that, I am well enough that I think I can start working out again. I have been so depressed about it, and it actually surprises me how my muscle mass isn't losing its shape at all. In fact, it’s looked pretty good with no work at all. Anyway, before going out dress shopping as planned, I did my workout. I was with my parents, and we talked about seeing Sirko again this summer in the car. They had a meeting, so I joined them at this cafe. They talked with the people they were meeting up with while I picked myself a separate table and got a frappe and some snacks. I actually dozed off completely after eating since I was waiting for a decent amount of time. I also remember having to use the restroom, but the person who was in line before me took so long I was losing it. We went to a different mall to look for the dresses. I found the most perfect one in a boutique that was just my style. The dress seemed like it was tailored for me. It fit me so perfectly, and it was the cutest thing ever. I got it in two different colors. I’ll be wearing that dress on Friday. I felt like Lorelai finding the most perfect dress. I got home and then did my same old routines.

May 18, 2024

I am better now. If there’s anything in this world that I can count on, it’ll always be my recovery time. It balances out the fact that I get sick almost every month. I was out the whole day, partly because of the heavy traffic since, as it turns out, the rainy season is back. But I’m actually shopping for three dresses: one for Nefer’s 18th birthday party, one for my graduation, and of course, prom. My schedule is packed. My parent also told me that I might be able to see Sirko again. We’re gonna work around the days she’ll be going to New York. Imagine if we met up at Central Park or like Barnes and Noble. Literally the dream. Anyway, I couldn’t settle on any dresses, unfortunately. All of them were pretty bad. I’m not even picky. I just want something simple. I ate dinner out with my parent and had a red velvet cookie for dessert. I got home pretty late. I felt bad because I told Adrian I’d talk to him when I got home, and he sleeps early, so he told me he waited for me and everything. I showered, got ready for bed, and just texted him until I fell asleep.

May 17, 2024

I didn’t play any songs in the shower yesterday because I was too sick, but I’m feeling a lot better now. I queued a playlist and knew I was back on track. Maybe not entirely - I still felt sick, like the aftermath weakness you’d usually get after being stuck in bed for an entire day. I texted with Adrian for a bit. I did my usual routines minus the gym or workout part since I wasn’t in my best physical condition. I had to run an errand too and went out for a bit. Went to an appointment and all that stuff. Adrian slept early, and it actually worked in my favor since I was already plugging my electric guitar into the amplifier. I learned American Teenager and then a couple of other easy songs. I swear I woke up one day and suddenly I was immune to barre chords. I am so glad. I have been waiting for that day since forever.

May 16, 2024

Rough day. I am bedridden. I woke up feeling like vomiting. I was burning hot, had an upset stomach, and my head was spinning. I slept the entire day and couldn't get out of bed. I felt horrible. I was out of it, only able to either stare at the ceiling with my thoughts or use my phone. I did watch Set It Up early in the morning. I wasn’t feeling as bad then. I loved the movie. It wasn’t exactly focused on the romance part of the rom-com, but I enjoyed it. I got better late at night when Adrian gave me a call. I swear this dude is good for me. You can't convince me otherwise. We talked until we fell asleep again. I was going through our old yearbooks and took a trip down memory lane. He was hardcore messing with me, and I believed everything. I swear to God, I don’t even mean to be as gullible as I seem to be, but I can’t help it.

May 15, 2024

I spent the first few hours of my day with Adrian again. It was cute and stuff. Then we had our practice, which ran by quickly as usual. After that, I went out with Adrian to grab a quick lunch. Turns out, we don’t really want to be separated. Although we both had plans, we decided to put them aside and let our friends know we'd catch up later. We went to the same place as last time and talked about more random stuff. I had fun and learned a lot of new things about him. I'm somehow getting him to talk a lot more, which is already a win in my book. I’m not going to write about the contents of our conversations since it was a lot, and I like keeping things just between us, but I enjoy his company a lot. After that, he walked me to the place where my friends were, and I actually felt bad because it meant he’d have to walk back, but he insisted. I like that he always makes sure I get back first before he does. He played ball with his friends, and I did the whole bowling thing with mine. I was failing miserably with each turn I had. I like that my friends have been so diverse recently. It’s awesome. When I got home, I made sure to text Adrian and then fell asleep for a short while. I made an effort not to oversleep since I still had things to do. With that, I showered, slept again, then lay in bed for a solid hour just doing nothing, and slept again. To be fair, I got home in the afternoon, so the sleepiness I felt was fine. My day was pretty eventful too, so I understood why my body needed rest. After that whole series of lazing around, I woke up with a bird’s nest for hair, which was cool. I then worked out, showered once again, and went on my phone for a bit. I was texting Adrian.

May 14, 2024

I met up with Adrian in the forest area of our school. We met at the bridge an hour before our scheduled call time. We wanted some time to ourselves just to talk and enjoy each other’s presence. He held my hands too, which I thought was cute. People took those extremely zoomed-in paparazzi pictures of us again. I can’t blame them. I swear we look good together. We had our Thanksgiving mass practice again in the chapel. I used that time to sleep, as usual. Adrian and I were also exchanging glances occasionally. We literally have crushes on each other. After practice, I looked for Brie, and we waited for Tony to pick us up. We’ve been planning this hangout for the longest time. Our friendship dates back to 6th grade, and I’m really grateful to have them as friends. I had the paint-it-yourself tote bags Tony bought from our class business, and we painted them at the mall. I even painted Sonic on one of them. We got some food, and I ordered my usual coconut shake because it has been my recent obsession. We caught up on a lot of things. Tony told me a couple of updates on how my ex has been. It was unsolicited, but I didn’t mind hearing it. I had a laugh. Safe to assume karma bit him back. I really went through quite a time but turned it into something good. I sat with my emotions and worked on myself. Now Tony’s telling me that my ex is making another version of me with a girl who doesn’t even like him. He emphasized how he downgraded, and I just wanted to tell him, “As long as you’re happy.” Life treats me well. I know for sure that I have no remaining feelings for him. I guess I just like that I always win in the end. Tony had to leave early because he had a bunch of missing requirements to catch up on. Once it was just me and Brie, things became chaotic. A bunch of people we’ve been avoiding started popping up out of nowhere. Our luck was being tested, especially mine, since everything I wanted to do had something in the way. The more we walked around, the more people we summoned. Whenever we’re together, we always seem to summon whoever we talk about. It’s concerning because we don’t have the best things to say about people. I bought some glue to make slime too. When I got home, I didn’t get to work out and just considered today a rest day. I helped Tony with one of his requirements and wrote an essay about Minecraft. I talked about how it’s different to play it now as an adult because we understand the value of time and do everything efficiently and quickly instead of enjoying the slow moments of learning and having fun like we did as children. After helping, I spent the rest of my night texting Adrian. We went on a call and talked about random things again. He makes me feel like such a teenager.

May 13, 2024

I’ve been playing the guitar a lot more often recently. I like how present an in the moment I’m starting to become. I have so many plans with my friends, it’s pretty overwhelming, but I think I’ll manage. I think I become a little less gloomy when I make memories. That includes my time alone too, but sometimes I tend to be pretty mindless when left alone for too long. I’ve been finding balance and contentment in my life. I’m happy. I finally finished My Best Friend’s Wedding. It had the most perfect ending ever. Knowing that Adrian liked how the ending of the movie was unconventional is making me like him more. On top of that, we share similar sentiments about Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook. How do you end up with the most perfect fiancé and replace that easily over some puppy love? I’ve been playing the guitar every day. It’s what I do most of my vacant times. My nighttime was reserved for another video call with Adrian. He told me he was happy whenever he was with me. He also does that thing where each time we end our call, he asks to see my face one last time. I mean, it usually starts out with me holding my phone, but that gets tiring when I’m literally falling asleep, so I prop it down on my bed with nothing but the ceiling showing. He asked me if I wanted him to do a promposal. He told me he wanted to. If he actually does, I think that’d be pretty cool. I’m not really expecting anything since I was originally planning on skipping prom anyway. I’m really losing the hopeless romantic in me. But at least I have a dude who claims he’s obsessed with me, and I think that might just bring back my interest in romance.

May 12, 2024

I finished a book. I had a conversation about it with Adrian yesterday, and he kind of made me want to start reading again. So I did. I feel very accomplished. I played some childhood mobile games with my brother over the phone too. We revisited our old PixelWorld accounts and pretty much fulfilled our dreams of being pro players. I relearned how to solve the Rubik's cube too. I mean, I know it by muscle memory, but anytime I get the slightest bit of consciousness, I swear I just lose my ability to solve one. Also, happy Mother’s Day! I talked to Adrian again. The usual. He showed a picture of me to his mom. He might not be playing anymore. I added him to my casual Instagram account that I usually don't let people in. I’m really invested in this. I played the guitar, worked out, all that stuff on repeat again. Adrian and I had this conversation about how I'd plan out my death. I told him I wanted to die in a cool way. The Order 66 way. He told me he'd infiltrate the Senate and perform mass murder for me. That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever told me.
I received a message from my friend telling me he was jealous of my abs. I get that a lot. I gave him my updated workout list, and he modified it like how Saitama would. He came back a couple of moments later, telling me he almost vomited. I swear, all I do is flex nowadays. Can you blame me? Rio is like my top glazer. He always compliments me on just about everything. I really appreciate it. I hopped on our Minecraft server late at night just to mess around. I got stacks of dirt blocks and practiced my bridging. I was challenging everyone to a PVP. It was either that, or I was being a sad girl playing and singing more sad songs on my guitar.

May 11, 2024

My entire base in Minecraft was burned to nothingness. Well, it had a few blocks and other remnants, but I found it such an eyesore that I cleared out my entire space. The server's question is: Who did it? And of all people, why mine? This arson was a declaration of war. I don't really want revenge, and I don't care about losing my builds since I'm not materialistic, but I love chaos. I made my own group and named it something I will not disclose because it would make me sound problematic. It's a joke, I swear. The server was already picking sides. Naturally, I had everyone. We started gathering materials, collecting stacks of sand and gunpowder. My other friends were maxing out their enchantments. This server will no longer experience peace. Nah, I'm being dramatic. I had a pretty nice talk with Sirko today! I miss her so much. We've both been so busy recently that we haven't had time to really sit down and talk to each other anymore. Tragic, I know. Most of my time today was spent on my usual boring routines. I ate my meals, worked out, played the guitar—pretty much just wasted my time. Not that I consider any of that a waste. I actually love boring days. I talked to Adrian for all the rest of the time I didn't spend on myself. I like talking to him.

May 10, 2024

I had my orthodontist appointment today. I woke up pretty late again, but I swear I'll get back on track with my normal sleeping schedule soon. I'm just staying true to my age right now. I’m a teenager, my internal sleep clock shifts to a later time. It's not my fault my body releases melatonin later at night. I’ve been dreading my appointment for a while now because they're removing the gap in my teeth. That’s depressing because it means I won't have the same smile as Gracie Abrams anymore. After the appointment, I accompanied my mom to the grocery store. I got myself another coconut shake and fries. I was starving. When I got home, I filmed and interviewed my mom for my brother at university. We now have potted roses at home, which is so nice. As soon as I got home, Adrian messaged me, and the rest of my time was occupied talking to him. I actually enjoyed that a lot. It was either that or spending time with my guitar. And of course, the hour dedicated to working out. A couple of hours into texting, he suggested a video call, which was a genius decision. We talked about One Piece a lot, which I loved, except he was kind of hating on Ace and killing him every chance he got. I also showed him my website and finally got the story of why he has his tattoo. For a moment, I almost believed they were temporary because he was so convincing. Either that or I'm just gullible - most likely the latter. I've always found him so cool. I learned more about his card game too. He calls me a nerd, but truth be told, he's way more of a nerd than I am. Maybe... Well, we share quite a bunch of interests, so it evens out, right? I really enjoyed talking to him. We did that until I got so sleepy. It was so cute when he asked to see me one last time before ending the call. Eventually, I got tired of holding my phone and just put it down beside me in bed. I swear he's so weird. Oh, and I'm not sure if I wrote this down in one of my entries, but originally I had no plans to go to our senior prom. Now I do - I'm going with him. He watched my favorite rom-com without me even asking. He's actually so perfect. He was making references and everything.

May 09, 2024

I went to school for another Thanksgiving Mass practice. We were at the chapel the whole time, and as anyone can probably guess, all I did was sleep. It’s not like I can stop myself either. My mind was pretty empty. That’s probably why it’s been so easy for me to fall asleep recently. Other than sleeping or occasionally singing for the choir songs because we were being supervised, I just stared at Adrian. Weird, but I think it’s pretty universal to want to look at a person you’re crushing on. The practice went by quickly. Sine invited me out for lunch, and I originally agreed to come, but near the end, I had to tap out. I knew I was one blink away from clocking out. I can’t even figure out why I was as tired as I was either. When I got home, I slept for hours, then worked out. I slept again, then watched the rom-com Adrian mentioned yesterday on our date (My Best Friend’s Wedding). I couldn't finish it because I started talking to Adrian, and I was feeling so bad for the fiancée of the dude the main character is trying to steal. Adrian knew of my plans (that I ditched) today, which is such a stalker move. He’s just like me. I can’t blame him at all. I worked out, did my usual routines, talked to him for hours again, then went on a call with another friend to have a laugh.

May 08, 2024

We had our graduation practice again. Our call time was early. I didn't really care. I was late, but I still managed to get away with it somehow. So everything was all good. I slept for almost the whole duration of the practice. We had the Thanksgiving Mass practice following that, too. They taught us a bunch of church songs, which was cool. Then Adrian asked me out. We had lunch, and I actually had fun. I am the biggest chatterbox ever. We kind of just spent the whole afternoon together. We walked around, and he attempted to hold my hand multiple times. He tried every trick in the book, and it worked out well enough. We went inside a record store too. Kind of. That’s a literal rom-com staple. Now this whole thing can either go extremely well, or I might end up becoming Summer. We went to a convenience store before departing ways. He made sure I had my ride before leaving. I can’t believe I got him to like me. I got the dude who has commitment issues to want to commit. The only committing I did today was arson in Minecraft, both of which are great feats deserving of an award.
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May 07, 2024

We had our first graduation practice. I slept every five seconds. I could barely keep my head up for a single moment. They kept telling us to stand up so frequently that my body eventually adjusted, and I was able to sleep while following their orders. My dedication to sleep will never fail to amaze me. I didn't get to talk to Adrian, but it was fine since I've always been fine with just wanting to see him. We are both incredibly nervous around each other. You'd think I'd be able to approach him since I'm naturally friendly, but no. He should take it as a compliment that I'm talking to everyone else but him (this is a Taylor reference). He makes me fold so much he doesn't even understand. Our interactions today were mostly just smiles, nods, a fist bump, and catching each other staring. We were dismissed, and I got a random invite out. I never say no to hangouts. I've been saying yes a lot more recently. I like that. I went with Sine and Ria to the mall, and I got the usual things I eat: bacon and eggs and a 16oz coconut shake, both of which are high in protein. Ria also got me my drink, and I'm absolutely grateful for that. We just talked and had lunch. I went back to school, then received a call from Adrian. He told me he just wanted to see me and that his friends wanted to say hi. So I picked up the call and did exactly that: said hi and stuff. I was giggling and kicking my feet. He was too, so it's a pretty fair thing. I got home, slept, worked out, then texted with Adrian until we fell asleep. I have so many stories and lores, and I don't know how he's even keeping up, but he remembers every detail. I'm literally weak.
Some highlights:
He called me cute and told me that he's planned out our lives. He was apparently kind of serious since he deleted the messages and everything. We talked about Star Wars, and he had this little segment where he randomly just went "holy shit," I lost it. He, and I quote, said that "I can't let u go anymore, you're really one in a billion." That was so book character of him.

May 06, 2024

I really want to skip school, but I can't. It's not so bad, though, because actually I'm excited to see this guy I have a crush on. Our usual classroom is being used by another class for some reason, so everyone is in the library. I was sort of in my head when I arrived to see my friends. I ended up showing off a bit. By a bit I meant like outright flexing my gains. I want to thank Rio for backing me up and telling everyone that my form is actually perfect. I mean, it's probably not, but I appreciate the extra glazing. We had our yearbook batch photo thing in the field. We were arranged so that the picture would look like we're spelling out 2024 or something. It took them so long to position our batch. Honestly, if I were given that task, it would've been done in 10 minutes tops. Not that I minded standing for like 3 or 4 hours since I was beside Adrian anyway. We talked for so long. I honestly can't believe people told me he doesn't talk because I beg to differ. We have a lot in common. Tell that to past me because I thought we were complete opposites. After that, we kind of went our separate ways since we both had things to do. Then we were called to another location for orientation. I don't really remember much since I wasn't exactly conscious. School is starting to feel like a fever dream. I'm always half asleep, and I blame it on the school air. The worst part is that I can't even doze off because the chairs are so uncomfortable. Eventually, I just stood up and filmed with my friends for our project. Adrian did talk to me again once everything calmed down. My friends told me we looked cute. I totally agree. He was leaning in to listen. I talk a lot, so usually, people don't bother listening anymore. He walked me home and told me to walk slower. That encounter was so cute. I think our topic was balloon tapping. I'm an aspiring balloon-tapping athlete. He supports me, so I feel like I'm winning at life.
Here are a couple of things I learned that made me like him even more:
He's known me and kind of liked me for 6 years, allegedly. Maybe? He's willing to introduce me to his parents (probably not), and he actually finds me attractive. He told me he wanted to show me off to his sister. That's a good sign in my book. And he wants to use my baby pictures (which he acquired from stalking). He told me he has pretty bad social skills and that the average person, if not everyone he's ever talked to, has only lasted a 20-minute conversation with him. We've been talking for hours. He genuinely finds me interesting, actually listens, and gives the best compliments. I didn't even mention it, but he told me he'd beat up my ex. He so could. He spams his pick-up lines, yet he's so respectful at the same time. This guy is literally perfect. No, but actually, I could've sworn he was genuinely interested in everything I had to say, especially when I told him I played games like School Days and Xenoverse. Lowkey kind of insane.

May 05, 2024

I woke up with a good morning text. I'm back in the game. I originally wanted to become an absolute degenerate today and just play Minecraft for the whole day, but I didn't. I learned a lot of songs on the guitar. I went out for dinner with my parents and bought myself a new sweater. I got my nails done too. I was kind of in a state of panic since I had this project I didn't know needed a physical copy. I had a group, but I was the only one I could really rely on. They were all outside. I'm not really complaining. I was outside too, but I guess I'm more resourceful. I was rushing to make a poster that needed to be printed out on an A3 poster paper. I ended up finishing on time just before dinner was served. I'm a professional crammer. A retired one, but I still got the skill set. I got my nails done too. They're red now! Going back home, my dad passed by the Apple store and impulsively bought my baby brother an iPad. He's literally five. It was my and my brother's dream iPad too. Since you know, we're artists and all that. Not that we minded it but it was pretty awesome. I went back home and worked out. I've been locked in for months now. I talked with Adrian again. I played Minecraft with friends too but my attention was pretty divided since again, Adrian had my attention. I had to lay off for a bit though and film a video with my classmates. It was a zoom presentation. I was really clean with my lines. I was in charge of editing too and it was such a bore. I didn't even cut out anything on my part. It was my partner that made it so much harder. But it was fine, it was pretty funny.

May 04, 2024

May the 4th be with you. I didn't want to wake up. It worked in my favor since I haven't had any proper sleep in a while. Yesterday was also very eventful, and I was intoxicated for the latter half of the day - with very little food fueling me. My top school’s decisions are out. It took such a long time for me to see it because of the website crashing multiple times. I got in. I got into my top pick, Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. It's gonna be hard, but I'm gonna get through it. I officially got into all the universities I applied to. Can we all just take this moment to appreciate that? Skylar got in too, and I'm really proud of him. He mentioned how I was one of the people he saw great success in. It means a lot, and since that's how I view him too. I played more Minecraft for the rest of the day. I talked to Adrian again, and he just fits perfectly into my schedule. His texting style really grew on me, even though he's really flirty and has pickup lines up his sleeve every 5 minutes. We have this inside joke about how we're both just playing with each other. It's funny. But his close friend did tell Skylar, who told me, that "if u tried talking to him about Cy hes gonna be ecstatic abt her and them." Skylar confirmed this seriousness, and apparently, he's "not just infatuated and she's actually only in his mind." That's crazy because I actually like that we both seem like we're playing with each other. I swear I have an effect on people. I worked out, talked to him again, played more Minecraft, and of course, had the company of my guitar while doing all that.

May 03, 2024

I'm wearing a blue sweater. Thats says a lot more than it should. I went to school for a reason. I was driven by a certain force. Adrian approached me first thing in the morning, or rather, it took quite some time, but it was within the first period. He asked for my opinion on the monologue he wrote, and before I knew it, the entire conversation turned into a confession. Turns out, he had been rehearsing the confession thing since yesterday. He told me his script was originally about asking me which archetype I chose for my monologue and if I could help him with his. I suggested we reenact it to honor his efforts. I wasn't even trying to pull on purpose. I had no intentions of pursuing anything at all. He didn't even know I liked him. Maybe an idea at most. How is it possible to have such pull without doing anything? What are the chances that the guy you like actually likes you back and was planning on approaching you? We talked the entire school day, not exaggerating - not a single second went by without us talking. This was surprising because he's known for being quiet, which some people consider his biggest flaw. I found him funny, and we discovered we had a lot in common. He's watched One Piece too! His favorite series was where I got my "Donde Esta la biblioteca" reference from, which was kind of funny because he seemed to be saying everything I wanted to hear. He even fangirled over Taylor Swift. When I asked him what songs he knew, he was prepared and sang lines from "So High School". I had that song assigned to him and it's such a crazy coincidence. He also shared his boxing lore, something I have been wanting to hear about for so long. He flexed his undefeated title and how he was retired now. Everything was so funny. We talked so much that our muscles got sore from not moving. I mean, we sat in the same place for so long. And they say he doesn't talk? He was actually genuinely interesting. Eventually, we started walking around campus since sitting down wasn't doing it for us. Many people greeted us in the hallway. People were making their assumptions by whatever was going on between us. He even got me a cookie, which I found sweet. Before we parted ways, or at least before we thought we had to, he asked me to walk home with him instead of my other friend, so I agreed. We talked more, and he even tried asking me out, but it didn't work out since I'm quite busy. He said if I hadn't come to school that day, he would've given up. It was all about timing. Everything felt so natural. Like really, really organic. He asked for my number too. The whole day, I forgot I even had a phone. My friend, who had my phone, took several stalker-quality pictures of us. He mentioned he had known about me years ago because one of his friends liked me. I'm pretty sure I rejected that friend. Tragic.
I continued my day with the other friend I had plans with. We went to the mall to get Biscoff, checked out some shops, and just talked. We also went to the arcade and did a couple of rounds of karaoke. Pretty epic. I saw another friend of mine, and we had a small talk. He told me how Adrian had actually gone to our mutual friends (the friend group with Skylar) and asked for their permission or some sort of go signal to pursue me. He better not take that back. We then went to a coffee shop, got rum and gin, ate wings, and gossiped for a while. I even got a "hey girly" text, you know, from past girls of a guy reaching out to warn you. I'm kind of immune to that though. I usually come in people's lives as a form of karma. I had a fun time. Then I had to go back to school because I promised Brie I'd watch her last concert. She's been in percussion almost all her school years - she's actually really cool. I watched it with Tony, Bokuto, their siblings, and Brie's other best friend. We were like supportive stage moms. When I got back home, I was so exhausted. I still managed to work out, play Minecraft, and talk with Adrian. It took me some time to adjust to the way he talks. I'm sort of backing off a bit, but we'll see where this leads. He says all the right things which is all awesome in paper. My Minecraft house is also really cool. I made a bakery and everything.

May 02, 2024

God, I'm actually invested. Think I really want this. I'm not even kidding. I've been listening to Risk ever since its release. Okay, well, maybe a couple more days before it, too, because it was an unreleased track that just got its studio version. I'm not even a narcissist, but I've been getting comments about how I'm actually glowing and getting prettier. I have a theory. It might be because of this one dude. I'm giving him a name because I'm really sort of serious about it. So, Adrian. All I know is that he does boxing and is a scout. We've had a handful of interactions recently. He's the same dude who lent me his pen. I think I talked about him here once before. I might be the biggest fumbler to ever step on land. Skylar has been talking to him about me. He called my name alongside Adrian's, and I dismissed it, saying, "Not now, I have a monologue." That's fine and all, but Skylar also told me how Adrian wanted to talk to me and was actually interested, but I was making him shy. How did this situation happen? Well, see, I think it's because whenever he'd try to approach, I'd run off. Am I okay? It's not even just that. I got caught staring, too. Skylar caught me red-handed (literally pointed at my direction) and I ended up stumbling over my own chair, which I didn't even know was possible considering I was literally sitting down. During my monologue, he was not taking his eyes off me, and I started stuttering, and Skylar just had to say weird comments out loud about how I shouldn't look in a certain direction. He was smiling, and it was so cute because he has dimples, and I was losing my words, and it wasn't even my fault. Our schedule today is really short, so it's depressing. I may or may not be messing this up. I have a month left in this Godforsaken school.
School tomorrow isn't required tomorrow but I'm going anywayy because I am so scared of losing any more time.

May 01, 2024

The sun has been up for quite some time, and I still have not slept. I told my friends I'd wake up early (12 PM) so that we could continue our little Minecraft world. Any person with a brain could figure out that I definitely wouldn't be able to wake up around that time. They waited for me while my alarm clocks made their best attempts to wake me up, none of which worked. What I'd consider my next day came, and I took so long in the shower. I was practicing my monologue because I really couldn't be bothered to do that anywhere else. I have this economics test tomorrow that I haven't studied for, and it's kind of concerning because I literally do not plan on studying. The Senioritis is getting to me. I played Minecraft the whole day. Half of that time spent on Minecraft was spent on terraforming. The other half was spent trying to get sheep to cross an area full of wolves. But then I got frustrated and just killed any creature that showed hostility. My builds are turning out so well. I miss this so much. I got off the screen for a while to do a couple of things. I had my everything shower, I redyed my hair, I practiced my monologue, then put together a costume for that said monologue.
Gracie's first single is out. I finally have the studio version of Risk. I had a countdown and watched the new music video live. She's an absolute genius, and I love her so much.
I continued playing Minecraft with friends until very late.